Is it common or uncommon

srfgirlie5

to ask bridesmaids to help decorate/coordinate the day of?

I haven't asked any of my bridal party yet for the sheer fact that I'm so far from my date and I've seen all these horror stories on here. But I'm wondering about the day of. I have a friend who I want to be my matron of honor but she would make a fantastic day of coordinator. I think MOH is a much better role than coordinator and I don't want to cut her as MOH just because she's amazing. I mean how much sense does that make?

I don't really have any other friends that I would trust to see my vision. My pick for MOH has already given me great advice and has been such a help already that I wonder if she wouldn't mind taking on both roles....

I don't expect my BM's to be my servants or anything and I don't want to ask them to do something if it means I'm being rude.

kmmssg

What is common in your circle?  All of my girls BM's volunteered to  help with the set up in some way.  We NEVER asked and were prepared to have people on hand to take care of it.

What have you seen in family and friend weddings in your area?  I don't think it is proper to ask or expect them to help with setup and teardown, but if they volunteer it's fine.

My SIL is the cheerleading coach at her HS and we have just hired some of her girls to do this stuff.  They need cheerleading camp money and I need people I can trust.

OuachitaTrixie

I'm not sure how your social circle works but I don't see why she couldn't help decorate and plan with you (if she wants to) and still stand up as your MOH.  To me these seem to be unconnected "positions." 

mbcdefg

I would hate to ask any of my friends to help set up and decorate for my wedding. But that's because (a) I live in an area/social circle where weddings are typically held in halls that do all that stuff for you, so it'd be SUPER weird to have a DIY wedding, and (b) I just generally hate asking people for favors.

If I knew that a friend was having her wedding in a place that needed her to set it up herself, I'd probably make the offer myself if I had the time. But honestly I wouldn't like to be working on the day of the wedding, especially if I wouldn't have time to shower and change and relax before things got underway. And I would really feel hurt and mad if she "expected" it from me, or if she said, "Normally you'd be my MOH, but you're such a good coordinator that I want you to do that instead."

I think it'd be better for you to hire an actual coordinator to help you, or give a few bucks to someone who's not an invited guest (neighborhood kids, friends of your siblings, put up an ad at a local college) to help you out.

srfgirlie5

My wedding will be held outdoors at a private estate so there's not hired help just waiting for me. However all the tables, chairs, tents etc... will be set up and taken down by hired staff. I wouldn't dare ask my BM's to do hard labor the day of. It's the decorations that I'm concerned about. I'm going to have lanterns, lights, signs, outdoor lounge areas, a DIY photobooth (because I think the rented ones are ugly), mirrors, crystals, candles etc... These things won't all necissarily have a designated spot until they're put up.

I personally would do it all myself to make sure it looks good (even if I had a hall that was doing it for me) because I know what kind of look I'm going for. I don't think I could trust a stranger like a day of coordinator to see my vision as well as me or someone who's been there the entire planning process.

Anyone have any experiences with day of coordinators?

srfgirlie5

She doesn't necissarily have to do any of the work... just dictate.

DNAtime

Frankly I think its okay to throw out there that is what you will be doing and if anyone wants to help that would be great. 

However, I am not a fan of working on my wedding day. So I am not doing a lot of DIY decorations. 
I had to help with FBIL and FSIL's wedding and it was a total PITA and NOT how I want to do things. 

Anyway. I think asking someone to coordinate may be pushing it. MY MOH and sister have volunteered to help with coordinating things.  They told me it was a waste of money to hire a DOC and they could handle it. 
But I would never have asked them to do it.

srfgirlie5

I've never been to a wedding that will be as involved as mine. All of the weddings I've ever been to have been either super simple exchange of vows and that was it or in a venue that needed no decorations except centerpieces because the places were already spectacular.

I'm going to have WAAAAAY more decorations than any wedding I've ever seen just for the fact that it's outside and I want to dress it up.

It's not common I guess to ask people for help. I never thought of it like that. Seems like I have to hire a coordinator.

jagore08

If you need someone to oversee your vendors and make sure everything is in place then you should hire a professional DOC.  Ask your local board for recommendations.  A DOC is a paid position and not something you ask your friends to do in place of being in your bridal party.

ETA:  Show the DOC all of your stuff and how you'd like it set up.  If you're getting ready at the venue you can pop down to see how she has it and if it's not exactly what you want, you can have her tweak it until it's right.  If you still don't think a DOC will get it then you may want to do it yourself (although that's not how you'll want to spend your wedding morning).

michelle7102

I had our rehearsal dinner and our reception dinner at restaurants so I made the restaurant do the work (I asked first!).  I dropped off my decorations the day before and they did an awesome job setting out flowers, favors, and name cards.

It's ok to ask your bridesmaids for help, but don't assign them to do too many tasks!  You will want them at your side to help you dress or ease your nerves.  If you are having your photographer show up before the ceremony you may want the bridesmaids to get pictures in as well.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_common-uncommon?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:710c3dfd-a248-4b3b-a1d7-7e333d4992b0Post:23776854-082d-443d-bac0-6933b47a4ec4">Re: Is it common or uncommon</a>:
[QUOTE]She doesn't necissarily have to do any of the work... just dictate.
Posted by srfgirlie5[/QUOTE]

I think that's going to add a lot of stress on her plate, when ideally she should be fully enjoying herself at your wedding, know what I mean?

I'd just bite the bullet and hire someone, personally.

lyndausvi

I would get a DOC.

Looking back at all the weddings I've been in and my own I find MOH, BM have as much (or slightly less) to do as the bride on the day of the wedding.  If the bride can't find time to help decorate it's going to be hard for the MOH.

graysquirrel

If you tell your friends/bms that you may be needing some help to decorate or something the day of, I think that is ok-- if they volunteer. However, I think that it is really a lot to ask of someone to be your free DOC. That is a lot of work, and if you want her to be a BM as well, I think that it would be super stressful for her. If you cannot coordinate yourself, hire someone to do it.

srfgirlie5

Yeah, you guys are right it is a lot to put on her plate. Afterall I want to do pics before the wedding, hair/makeup and have good "girl" time before the wedding.

Anyone have any tips for things I should look for and questions I should be asking the day of coordinator?

femmepink

I would never ask them to. I would tell them I really need help getting this done and that I'm not sure who will be able to help. If they volunteer, then great.

DeeDee00

Where I live it is common to rent a hall/dance area for receptions.  We have to decorate ourselves.  Basically u can go all urself. or hire people to make stuff.  In most cases florists make arrangements, you rent linens, your cake vendor sets up and decorates cake area.  But anything past that, lights, arranging and everything we do on our own.  Normally we have rehearsal at the church. And then go over to the hall and begin decorating.  The only people I expect to help is my parents, grandmother, and FI.  I expect my parents, because they are doing most of my wedding. My mother is making the cake and, my uncle is my florist, my dad is making my wedding arch. So they are obviously involved. My grandmother is involved because she has table linens and will help me set that up. After that we are on our own. However, normally wedding party particulary bridesmaids. ALL of my BM have already offered and plan on being there the day before to set up and get things ready. Do i expect it NO, do i accept their help YES. 

froggatt.clare

We have not decided yet on our venue but are still planning a lot of DIY projects.  When I sent the initial introduction/welcome to the bridal party email to all the maids, I told them about the little projects and basically told them if they wanted to help, or if they had any hidden DIY talents, to let me know, but if their schedule did not allow that it would be totally fine too.

My guess is that once friends and family members see how much work you are planning to do yourselves, they will definitely offer to do what they can.  Be prepared to politely thank and delegate what you can, and maybe grab 10 or so Starbucks gift cards for those who really step up to the plate.