Bridesmaid issue

nursecrys

Hi! One of my bridesmaid has been my friend since 6th grade. As we get older she has been getting more unreliable. Now with my wedding day 9 days away. She finally tells me that she will not be able to throw the bridal shower like she told me she would and that she will be leaving right after the ceremony because she decided to move the day of my wedding. I have tried to been reasonable. We have a strict budget and i left my girls pick out their dresses  (it just had to be the same the color) and I paid for them and to get their hair done. I don't know how to address this issue. Please help. thanks.

Mrs.B6302007

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-issue-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:765556d8-8641-485d-9e4a-23da59a4a3c6Post:c3d47a3f-f3b0-40ee-9a10-c471e3dd26b0">Bridesmaid issue</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! One of my bridesmaid has been my friend since 6th grade. As we get older she has been getting more unreliable. Now with my wedding day 9 days away. She finally tells me that she will not be able to throw the bridal shower like she told me she would and that she will be leaving right after the ceremony because she decided to move the day of my wedding. I have tried to been reasonable. We have a strict budget and i left my girls pick out their dresses  (it just had to be the same the color) and I paid for them and to get their hair done. I don't know how to address this issue. Please help. thanks.
Posted by nursecrys[/QUOTE]

Is she still standing with you during the ceremony?  If so, then she's still doing all she really *has* to do.  She doesn't owe you money for the dress or hair unless SHE backs out completely.  That sucks about the shower.  Why didn't someone throw it way before now?

SarahPLiz

Its ok to be disappointed that she said she would throw a shower and then decided not to. However, a shower is a gift, so you aren't entitled one. Still, that is a flaky move if i ever say one, and I'd be sad too.

Now, about moving, sometimes that can't be helped, especially near the end/beginning of the month. While its kind of crappy that she'd schedule to move on your wedding day, at least she is still showing up for the ceremony, which is the most important part. You can party later without her, and she will be the one missing out. Yes, you may miss her, but I think you will be so busy greeting your guests and partying that you may not notice she isn't there.

Its ok to be mad if she is suddenly flaking out at the last minute, but try to manage your expectations. Someone will ruin your experience ONLY if YOU let them. Go on with your wedding and appreciate that she is standing up next to you during the ceremony. Afterwards, you can deal with the friendship issues and let it go if i t needs to.

emilyinchile

That really sucks. She's being a crappy friend. While you're not entitled to a shower, if she hadn't said she'd plan one, someone else might have decided to, and for her to back out this late is kind of blocking that possibility.

That said, in terms of how to deal with it...I'd vent about it to someone impartial to get it off your chest, then let it go until after the wedding. Once that's over, I'd probably have a talk about not just this but her unreliable behavior in general, letting her know that it upsets you not to be able to count on her.

coreybride127

She is being a crappy friend. Ok, she is not required to throw you a shower, but I would still be upset. And for bailing out of attending the reception, well, I don't know if I could forgive that.


Honestly, if it was my situtation, I would let that friendship end. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but it sounds like it's on it's way out the door anyway.


You willl still have a fabulous wedding so don't let yourself get too upset!

tlv204

I'm with coreybride. I would be pissed off too. I don't care how many people say their only job is to stand up during the ceremony (and I agree with that to a certain extent), if one of my friends decided 9 days before the wedding to move on my wedding day I wouldn't be very happy. I agree with letting the friendship die if she is like this all the time. If this came up out of nowhere, maybe give it some time to cool off after the wedding, then see if anything serious has been going on that maybe you didn't know about. If it really is just her being flaky though, I wouldn't want to risk letting her upset me like that again.

Everything will work out, just focus on the positives and try not to let it get to you!

Mrs.B6302007

No doubt that  I would be pissed, too.  With only 9 days to go, I'd have to suck it up and then deal with it after.

banana468

Is there something going on with her?  With such little time to go, it's odd that she's baililng on the shower and essentially saying that she's not going to the reception.

I have to say that while going to the ceremony is all she "has" to do, this ventures well into the "crappy friend" territory based on what you're saying.

gottahavashorti

I agree with PPs that she is being a crappy friend, and I'd probably let the friendship die after the wedding.  But it could be that something major is going on in her life that may have caused her to be like this.

MyNameIsNot

This totally sucks.  But there's nothing you can do.  You aren't going to change her mind about throwing the shower or attending the reception.  All you can do is roll with it and then re-evaluate the relationship after the wedding.

bablingbrooke

She's definitely being a crappy friend.  Whether you "deserve" a shower or not, it's so not cool to commit to doing something and then flaking out at the last second.  As for the moving thing, as someone who moves a *lot*, it's very rare that you have to move on one exact day and no other.  Especially since it's not the last weekend of the month or anything like that.  And it's not like the wedding appeared out of nowhere.

As someone who had a crappy MOH (my own sister) who pulled sh!t like this, I can say from personal experience that this sort of thing will only upset you if you let it.  Focus on the good things people are doing for you, not on the one person who's decided to be a pain in the arse.  And you could just say "If you have to move that day, I understand if you can't be in the wedding."  That way you've offered her an out if she truly needs it but doesn't want to quit and/or made her realize how she's acting.  

But once you walk down that aisle and marry your FI, I promise you that nothing can ruin your day.  My sister really tried and honestly, once I saw FI, nothing could bring me down.  And so it will be for you