Wedding Party

Too many attendants?

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Re: Too many attendants?

  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2009
    If I were invited to be just a guest at a wedding, but was told that I had to buy a specific dress for it, I probably wouldn't attend, no matter how close to the couple I was.  It's fine to recognize specific guests with a corsage/bout or mention in the program, trying to dictate the dress or behavior of a regular guest is kind of insulting.

    I think the problem is that brides try to cram their entire life story, every place they've ever been, every hobby they've ever had, and every person they've ever liked, into their wedding.  Lines have to be drawn somewhere, or the whole thing turns into a mess.  Chances are, if the bride doesn't feel close enough to me to put me in the WP, I don't feel close enough to her to be slighted.

    I get really tired of people saying, "Well, I wouldn't be offended by something like that, so I guess I'm just a better friend than all of you!"  Those that are genuinely nice people and not just tools aren't nearly so snotty about it.
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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8605adcb-301e-47e9-96de-a19e6d267f02Post:01869d99-cd97-4c05-8947-4ac1901cab9b">Re: Too many attendants?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Raine, is it lonely on your pedestal?
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    Oh meg, this was perfect!
  • And sweet mother of god, I'm sorry to anyone who saw the siggy pic I had for 5 minutes...that thing was huge! Must learn to resize before trying again.
  • My BM bouquets are around $75 each.  That is $750 just on the girls, plus all the other items pp mentioned.  
  • Emily, I had to, lol. I just had to.

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
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    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • I would imagine it would be difficult to coordinate that many people.  Besides that and cost, consider whether or not they will all fit at the front of your venue.  I think it’s great you have so many close friends, but logistically I could see this being very challenging. 

  • What exactly makes an "honored" guest?  Is it a friend?  Is it your grandmother?  Is it your mom?  Is it your Godmother or aunt and uncle?

    My point is that ALL guests at a wedding are honored guests, IMO.  Calling some guests "honored" guests becomes a slight to everyone else who is there as a guest.

    And FWIW:  I noticed that the OP is 19 years old.  For me, that explained a lot.  I think that very often, young brides, especially if they are the first in their circle to get married, get very, very caught up in trying to "include" everyone, forgetting that being a guest IS being included.

    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I have 14 BM and 14 GM. It's fine. We have no head table. It'll be a little tight on the altar but thats not for very long anyway. They all will fit on a party bus just fine and I went with simple bouquets instead of something extravagant,  

    I do find myself chatting with each one a few times a week despite my busy schedule. I do realize that many girls are not fortunate enough to have this many friends but I have wonderful close friends and many of them and couldn't imagine getting ready and riding to church without my buddies!
  • Raindrop- I do try to be openminded and am also of the opinion of your know your family and friends better then us.  However, you will see me posting the same thing as the rest of the regulars because that just makes sense.  We tend to think a certain way not because we've been on these boards for a while but because we have been there.

    I'm with Trix.  Okay, you have bm, who are honored guests.  You have immediate family who are honored guests.  You have guests, who although don't have the "honor" title still have the honor of being invited to your wedding.  If you keep picking people out and specifically adding and "honor" title, where do you stop?  Eventually half your guests will be "honored."

    You are right, most people won't be offended by being given an honor title.  But what about those that aren't given it?  You completely forgot about the rest of your family and friends.  Let's say you are a fairly good friend of the bride.  You aren't a bm, okay, those are reserved for her closest friends.  Then you don't make honored guest.  Well great, I thought we were pretty good friends, but I'm not even good enough to make second teir bm.

    Your reasons for not having bm don't make sense either.  If you want to keep it family, keep it family.  The fact that you are one of 25 people is a pretty big honor.  If they are an honored guest, you should get them a crosage.  While usually not as expensive as a bouquet, they still cost.  If you are dictating clothing, you need to get them a gift, just like a bm, so that doesn't save you any money.  You might as well make them all bm and if you are worried about space, have everyone expect the MOH and BM sit in the front row.
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    Repeat this to your self: My Wedding Party is made of my family and friends and I should treat them as such.
  • Rain, maybe you wouldn't be offended by that, but you can't speak for everyone.  A bride needs to know if an idea they have would potentially be insulting to her friends and family.  You aren't the only one here who is allowed to have an opinion, you know.
  • Rain, I have to side with the other people here.

    Yes, everyone is entitled to her opinion here.  However with that means that there can be a general consensus of what is a better approach with friends.

    As trix pointed out, if you have some people who are honored guests, what are the rest of your guests?

    A wedding can be a great time but there's no reason to come up with a title for everyone you like.   Being a guest means that you're honoring that friend or family member.

    FWIW, if a friend of mine asked me to coordinate an outfit but I wasn't going to be a BM, I might go along with it but I'd be hurt - and I'd wonder if she realized how daft her actions were.   

    It's so easy to get caught up in your own wedding planning that it can be tough to realize that not everyone else is. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:8605adcb-301e-47e9-96de-a19e6d267f02Post:992be592-e67a-48ce-a0a8-2c45ad20ad2c">Re: Too many attendants?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Anyway, I had a huge bridal party (9 girls, 8 guys) and it was awesome. Yes, it was much more expensive. However, it was completely fine on other points that people mention. Our church accommodated everything, we let people sit with their friends and dates at their own tables, we had no trouble finding a dress (seriously, we were in and out in 1.5 hours) and every one loved the camaraderie. I had girls from 5;2" 180 pounds to 5'9" 125 pounds. I didn't even care if we had the same dress and they still picked the same one in floor length and they all looked great. If you have a fun, easy going, non drama crowd it can work no problemo.
    Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

    Thank you! I'm having my bridesmaids pick out their own style of dress, they'll just all be wearing the same color scheme. We're having a fairly short ceremony and we're putting a lot of emphasis on the reception because we really want to mingle and socialize with our guests. My BMs knew from the beginning that they were going to be responsible for their own hair, makeup, dresses, etc. My fiance's dad is taking care of the RD (which may or may not end up being a barbeque), his mom is doing our cake, my grandma is doing the groomscake, several friends of my mom are going to help with decorations and food, and we're letting the guests we know will drink that they can bring their own alcohol. Plus, our ceremony/reception site is free, and that includes chairs and tables. Basically, we are saving money in so many other aspects of the wedding, that it literally isn't a huge financial burden to have that many attendants.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_many-attendants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:8605adcb-301e-47e9-96de-a19e6d267f02Post:3f7654ed-f59c-4510-bd85-bd78b0071b7e">Re: Too many attendants?</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Too many attendants? : My BMs knew from the beginning that they were going to be responsible for their own hair, makeup, dresses, etc.
    Posted by Reghan[/QUOTE]

    Just be sure that you aren't requiring professional hair and makeup, otherwise you really do need to pay for it.

    But if you're just saying that they can elect to get pro hair/makeup done, or do it themselves, you're in the clear :)
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  • Don't forget bouquets....still a pretty penny for 12 girls and yourself!
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