Groomsman Rant-sigh

ShyDreamer00

Okay, so I know that ALL a groomsman has to do is get his tux and show up-which is all that I am asking them to do. All of the groomsmen have paid for their tuxes (plus gotten their measurements except one. He has gotten the measurements done, paid the deposit, but now my fiance is telling me that he isn't going to be able to pay for the rest of his tux until 2 days prior to the wedding (the groomsman is having money issues right now).

Now, I understand money issues-we have them too...if we could help him out paying for it, then we would (my parents are paying for the wedding and everything associated with it, except the rehearsal dinner). This why we had the groomsmen go and get their measurements taken two months ago (4/7/2012), so that they would know the price, and we had given them a deadline of 6/1/2012 to pay for all of it because I had a feeling that at least ONE would have money problems. However, it frustrates me because if he doesn't come up with the money by that point (2 days before), his name will already be listed in the programs, I'll have to talk things over with the DJ, re-do the seating chart (I am not doing escort cards, but a table by table name listing and this groomsman has a SO), re-do the bridal party table, boutinierre would have already been ordered/paid for by my parents, groomsman gift already bought, etc........ and I will be the one dealing with the stress of rearranging things for the ceremony/reception hall two days before the wedding if he can't come up with the money.
I want to know, what has your experience been with groomsmen who pay that close to the day? Do they usually pay or just don't?
FYI-my fiance says I have to be the one to talk to him if I want to have it paid by an earlier date (our wedding is 6/22/2012, but I would like to have it paid for by 6/16/2012-one week prior to the wedding). I don't feel it should be my responsibility to talk to the groomsmen about it as it should be my fiance's, but I just want one less thing to stress about that close to the wedding.
Thanks Ladies-sorry for the rant!

littleluckypenny

Why are you stressing yourself out?  It's really no big deal if he doesn't pay and his name is listed in the program.  Your guests won't care.  All the DJ has to do is not say his name.  No big deal.  Why would you have to revise the seating chart?  If this guy is close enough to your FI to be asked to be a GM, can't he just stay to the seat you already assigned (along with his GF)?  And being out a few dollars for ONE bout is not a big deal in the grand scheme/cost of a wedding.

ShyDreamer00

No, I would have to re-do the seating chart because he does have a SO and I would seat him with her instead. We want the bridal party to be seated together for dinner (we have a head table that can't accommodate SO's)...after that, they can do whatever they want. All of those who have SO attending the wedding are going to be seated at a table close to the head table.
I know it sounds a little bridezillaish of me to want things a certain way regarding our bridal party, but they've known about being in the bridal party for at least 6 months. Most people on TK seem to think to let things slide regarding the bridal party because all they are supposed to do is pay for their dress/tux and show up. Then we are supposed to be OK with them NOT doing it and still honor them even if they didn't. I don't believe in rewarding someone for inconsistent behavior....if its such an honor, then they should act like it is. I understand their world does not revolve around our wedding and I would have no problem with the groomsmen stepping out of things, just not two days before. Plus, I don't want to spend money/time on someone who couldn't do the same for us (money spent on the boutinierre, groomsman gift, and rehearsal dinner)
Really, that wasn't the point of my post-I just wondered what the stats are regarding groomsmen paying last minute and if they actually did it? LOL

aerinpegadrak

I also don't understand why it's a big deal.  It can't throw things off that much.  The only thing that might be a concern is the bout, so I'd talk to your florist about your options in case you have to cancel one.

DH's oldest brother didn't end up coming.  We offered to pay his way, but he kept saying that he'd be fine.  Then he cried poverty about a month out and said that since he was starting a new job, he wouldn't be able to take the time off.  Fair enough--except the wedding was on his regular day off, so he still could have made it if he'd actually wanted to.

Needless to say, DH was pretty torqued about it, but it really didn't make that big of a difference.  His name was still listed on the program (that pretty much no one picked up, btw).  We didn't do bouts, so that wasn't a concern.  I think the intention was to still give him his groomsman gift, but DH may have hung onto it and used it himself, I don't recall.  I hope you weren't planning on seating the attendants apart from their SOs, which is terribly rude, so that shouldn't throw too much off, especially since I also hope you'd still welcome him as a guest even if he doesn't get the tux.  All weddings have no-shows, so chances are pretty good you're going to have a few other tables with empty seats. If the thought of that freaks you out, then you're waaaaaaay too tightly wound. 

You really need to ratchet back on the control.  Yeah, you'd prefer to have it paid off sooner, but if that's not the actual deadline, that's not the deadline.  Everything isn't going to go according to your timetable.  Things WILL go wrong on the day of the wedding, I can promise you that.  Your enjoyment of the day hinges on your ability to roll with it and adapt.  If you can't figure that out, you're going to spend what's supposed to be one of the best days of your life in a mess of stress and misery.

ajmom2two

This doesnt have to be a big deal.  First off, if you are planning a table for just the wedding party without their SO's please rethink this.  If he doesnt get his tux he can still sit at the same table he was going to before, with his girlfriend.  He isnt less of a friend all of a sudden.  Who knows what might have come up to cause the money troubles.  I am sure he isnt doing it to be a jerk.  It wont be a big deal for the DJ to cross his name off the list and no one will really think anything of the programs.  I never even read them when I go to weddings.   

calliopeia2013

Well, if I were a groomsman and found out that you were seating my SO apart from me, I wouldn't get my tux either.  Jeez.  That's unbelieveably rude of you.  If you can't accomodate SOs at the head table, don't have a head table.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:7f75dbf8-b3f9-4f38-a418-837e2f28b931">Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]Now, I understand money issues-we have them too...if we could help him out paying for it, then we would (my parents are paying for the wedding and everything associated with it, except the rehearsal dinner).
Posted by ShyDreamer00[/QUOTE]

This statement made me raise an eyebrow.  You have money problems?  Your parents are paying for every last cent of your wedding.  You and your fiance appear to be paying for nothing out of pocket.  You can't lend your friend $100 to rent a tux since your parents are paying for every. other. thing?  Really? 

ShyDreamer00

Thank you for your input regarding how anal I am (I know that I am-lol). I realize that things will go wrong on the day of the wedding and on THAT day, I will just have to go with the flow as there is no other option I also understand that the deadline to pay the tux off is two days prior to the wedding (weds night, wedding is on Friday). I just prefer to have some things known so that I don't have to wonder about them at the last minute and then forget to do something....then I look like the a**. LOL. I'm not concerned about the no show's for the reception as we expect that. Something that I had counted on though was the bridal party paying in a timely manner for their outfits-the groomsmen's tuxes were about 100.00, which left only 60.00 to be paid after the deposit was paid (and two months to pay the 60.00). I just like a little more than 48 hours notice if you can't do something-lol.

I know the ceremony program and the boutinierre's are not a huge deal, but the groomsman gift and the seating arrangements are what are going to stress me out. We are putting some money into the groomsman gifts, not a ton, but enough to say thank you for standing with us. FI's mom is putting a good deal of money into the rehearsal dinner (which also has to be held a week before the ceremony because she is starting to work on our wedding cake for the 200 guests two days prior to the wedding). So that would be another thing paid for even if he can't afford the tux and we were planning to give the bridal party their gifts that night too.
As for the head table-I UNDERSTAND that some of you think its rude and I have even mentioned to my fiance of having a sweeheart table instead of the headtable, but HE is the one who is against that. To be perfectly honest, I've never been to a wedding where SO's were seated at the bridal party table and I have yet to see a sweetheart table at any of the weddings I've gone to also.....not saying its not done, but it just hasn't started in circulation yet in my circles of family/friends. And like I also said if he isn't with the bridal party any longer then it would be better to seat him with his SO since we wouldn't have room at the headtable for her.
We only have two bridal party members (out of 14) who have a SO attending the wedding. One of which is this groomsman and he is pretty much living with his SO so that the rent gets paid, plus cheats on her occasionally. His SO does not like any of his friends (us included) so I really wouldn't seat her at the headtable as she would be more uncomfortable there. Honestly, I'm not that close to this groomsman, he's more the groom's friend than mine, but we hang out in the same circle of friends. I apologize for all of the venting and I appreciate the feedback-this has helped to get it out of my system so that I can work on going back to being non-bridzillaish, lol

ajmom2two

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:7ae31e01-40b5-41c5-ae09-532a9f497451">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for your input regarding how anal I am (I know that I am-lol). I realize that things will go wrong on the day of the wedding and on THAT day, I will just have to go with the flow as there is no other option :) I also understand that the deadline to pay the tux off is two days prior to the wedding (weds night, wedding is on Friday). I just prefer to have some things known so that I don't have to wonder about them at the last minute and then forget to do something....then I look like the a**. LOL. I'm not concerned about the no show's for the reception as we expect that. Something that I had counted on though was the bridal party paying in a timely manner for their outfits-the groomsmen's tuxes were about 100.00, which left only 60.00 to be paid after the deposit was paid (and two months to pay the 60.00). I just like a little more than 48 hours notice if you can't do something-lol. I know the ceremony program and the boutinierre's are not a huge deal, but the groomsman gift and the seating arrangements are what are going to stress me out. We are putting some money into the groomsman gifts, not a ton, but enough to say thank you for standing with us. FI's mom is putting a good deal of money into the rehearsal dinner (which also has to be held a week before the ceremony because she is starting to work on our wedding cake for the 200 guests two days prior to the wedding). So that would be another thing paid for even if he can't afford the tux and we were planning to give the bridal party their gifts that night too. As for the head table-I UNDERSTAND that some of you think its rude and I have even mentioned to my fiance of having a sweeheart table instead of the headtable, but HE is the one who is against that. To be perfectly honest, I've never been to a wedding where SO's were seated at the bridal party table and I have yet to see a sweetheart table at any of the weddings I've gone to also.....not saying its not done, but it just hasn't started in circulation yet in my circles of family/friends. And like I also said if he isn't with the bridal party any longer then it would be better to seat him with his SO since we wouldn't have room at the headtable for her.<strong> We only have two bridal party members (out of 14) who have a SO attending the wedding. One of which is this groomsman and he is pretty much living with his SO so that the rent gets paid, plus cheats on her occasionally. His SO does not like any of his friends (us included) so I really wouldn't seat her at the headtable as she would be more uncomfortable there. Honestly, I'm not that close to this groomsman, he's more the groom's friend than mine, but we hang out in the same circle of friends</strong>. I apologize for all of the venting and I appreciate the feedback-this has helped to get it out of my system so that I can work on going back to being non-bridzillaish, lol
Posted by ShyDreamer00[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>You really cant find anyway to fit the 2 SO of your WP members at the head table?  Really?  Its only 2 more people.  As for the tux, I think the real issue is that you just want this guy out of your WP bc you obviously dont like him (per your comments bolded above).  If there is only $60 left to pay why dont you pay it and have him pay you back 2 days before the wedding?  Then you dont have to worry about him not getting his tux on time or any of the other things you are worried about.  You guys are apparently not dropping a dime for your own wedding so help the guy out, he's supposed to be your FI's friend and if he wants him in the wedding party help him be there.

</div>

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:b3c8aa14-b948-404c-833d-c7bcfe44554f">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Groomsman Rant-sigh : This statement made me raise an eyebrow.  You have money problems?  Your parents are paying for every last cent of your wedding.  You and your fiance appear to be paying for nothing out of pocket.  You can't lend your friend $100 to rent a tux since your parents are paying for every. other. thing?  Really? 
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Ummm no, not really-not to explain everything to you as really our finances are none of YOUR concern. My parents had savings put aside for the day whenever I decided to get married, plus they both have managed to get higher paying jobs within the last few years. My FI is the one who works (being a driver's helper for delivery/plus does pizza delivery a couple days a week) and I take care of our daughter, we both go to school full-time...so we barely make ends meet as neither of those jobs pay very much. Rent, car payment, utilities, food, etc....
Ohh, I should explain that we are the ones paying for the alcohol for the wedding, got my wedding dress/accessories/etc, rings, no honeymoon cause we can't afford it, marriage license, paid for his tux, paying for the bridesmaids jewelry/groomsmens gifts, etc.
Thank you for assuming that you knew our financial situation though-I've always gotten yelled at on TK when I thought I knew someone else's financial situation (pretty much how I got scolded on this post-lol).

ShyDreamer00

Look-I've ALREADY asked the hall how many the bridal party table seats (its 14) and that is what we have in our wedding party...so NO there is no way to fit the SO's at the table. The groomsman did not even know if he was going to take his SO or someone else to the wedding for a time. The one other bridesmaid wants her SO to sit with her mom since her mom won't know that many other people who are there-we are putting one table close to ours which is where those with SO's will sit. I understand that ALOT of you don't like the idea....but I think most people will be ok for the 45 minutes that they eat dinner.
FYI-I like the groomsman, but I don't like his actions as I don't agree with anyone cheating on someone else especially since he is pretty much staying with that person so the rent gets paid.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:ea257df5-354d-4e56-8e69-0378b00694c9">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh : Ummm no, not really-not to explain everything to you as really our finances are none of YOUR concern. My parents had savings put aside for the day whenever I decided to get married, plus they both have managed to get higher paying jobs within the last few years. My FI is the one who works (being a driver's helper for delivery/plus does pizza delivery a couple days a week) and I take care of our daughter, we both go to school full-time...so we barely make ends meet as neither of those jobs pay very much. Rent, car payment, utilities, food, etc.... Ohh, I should explain that we are the ones paying for the alcohol for the wedding, got my wedding dress/accessories/etc, rings, no honeymoon cause we can't afford it, marriage license, paid for his tux, paying for the bridesmaids jewelry/groomsmens gifts, etc. Thank you for assuming that you knew our financial situation though-I've always gotten yelled at on TK when I thought I knew someone else's financial situation (pretty much how I got scolded on this post-lol).
Posted by ShyDreamer00[/QUOTE]

You put your financial information out there.  I read it and interpreted it.  Don't get mad at me that you didn't "portray the situation accurately."

The whole post is too hypocritical for me give an honest opinion on, so I'm out.

ajmom2two

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:c3fb0ea5-b87e-4456-82da-cfa557e0d353">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Look-I've ALREADY asked the hall how many the bridal party table seats (its 14) and that is what we have in our wedding party...so NO there is no way to fit the SO's at the table.</strong> The groomsman did not even know if he was going to take his SO or someone else to the wedding for a time. The one other bridesmaid wants her SO to sit with her mom since her mom won't know that many other people who are there-we are putting one table close to ours which is where those with SO's will sit. I understand that ALOT of you don't like the idea....but I think most people will be ok for the 45 minutes that they eat dinner. FYI-I like the groomsman, but I don't like his actions as I don't agree with anyone cheating on someone else especially since he is pretty much staying with that person so the rent gets paid.
Posted by ShyDreamer00[/QUOTE]

<div>Sorry but I just dont buy this bit.  What does the venue do for WP larger or smaller then 14?  This makes no sense.  It doesnt matter who the GM brings as his date, they should still be seated together.  Dont have a head table at all.  If FI doesnt want a sweetheart table them sit with your parents/siblings.</div>

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:a79ebb91-2682-4b8a-9e58-5f46b00a20be">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]Tux rental -- am I correct in my understanding that the balance on the tux doesn't have to be paid until two days before the wedding?  And that the groomsman said he'd be paying for it two days before the wedding?  There is no problem here. You talking to GM vs. your FI talking to him -- Your fiance has refused to talk to the GM about this because it is a non-issue.  It would be inappropriate for you to talk to the GM about it because he has already promised your fiance that he will pay in a timely manner.  Not early, but on time.  The GM is your fiance's attendant, not yours, so you need to let him handle it.  If he chooses to handle it by not talking to his GM about it, that's his prerogative. The RD -- If the RD is being held before the date by which the GMs must pay for and pick up their tuxes, then your GM will still be a GM on the day of the RD.  If he drops out after the fact, then he drops out.  Oh well.  I don't think feeding (or not feeding) two people is going to be a problem for anyone. The GM gift -- If he drops out of the wedding before you give the GMs their gifts, you can return his and get a refund.  If he drops out after the fact, oh well.  Please don't ask the GM to return the gift if that happens. The head table and sweetheart table -- You say that head tables including SOs, and sweetheart tables, have not yet been done in your circle.  Be a trendsetter. GM's SO -- The fact that he cheats on her, and that she isn't fond of his friends, is none of your business.  Put it out of your mind and be the bigger person.  She might start liking his friends if she felt welcomed and included (see head table/sweetheart table above). ETA:  Clarity.
Posted by LucyHC[/QUOTE]
Thank you-I appreciated how you worded everything.
One: it helped me to vent about the payment of the tux so I can let that go now, thank you EVERYONE for your input regarding that :)
Two: I will just forestall giving the bridal party gifts till the night of the actual rehearsal (which is after the date that the groomsman should have paid his tux). His gift will still have been paid for if he doesn't get the tux, but either my FI will use it or maybe give extra to one of the other groomsmen.
Three: I understand that A LOT of people don't like the bridal party table and I have brought it up to my FI, he's not budging on it (I have even mentioned about TK and what people thought on here-he doesn't care). Hall has it set up and decorated for a maximum amount of people. My one bridesmaid is fine with it as she wants her SO to sit with her mom at a table close to us which is no problem. We have also tried to make the groomsman's SO feel welcome and appreciated-I've tried to talk with her, but always have been rebuffed. He recently had a potluck BBQ at THEIR place and she spent the entire time inside the house-didn't come out to say hello or anything.
Thank you for your input :)

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:f484dc4a-dd5a-4966-bd6a-bf2fa1625d25">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh : You put your financial information out there.  I read it and interpreted it.  Don't get mad at me that you didn't "portray the situation accurately." The whole post is too hypocritical for me give an honest opinion on, so I'm out.
Posted by Joy2611[/QUOTE]

Actually the only financial information that I put out there originally was that my parents were paying for the wedding. You assumed that we were therefore able to pay for other things when the truth is that they are paying for it because we can't afford to pay for most of it. This was something that they had planned for. I just corrected you as I've been corrected so many times on here....thank you for your input.

ShyDreamer00

Alright, one more time-FI and I have had this argument, I am the one FINE with seating our wedding party with their dates or at other tables. HE does not want to do that and wants a head table and does NOT want a sweetheart table either....not budging, we've had the talk. The hall has a headtable set for 14 people (the exact number in our bridal party), thats it-I've asked already, its just how they have it-its not a real fancy hall or anything like that k?
My bridesmaid is fine with having her SO seated with her mom as her mom doesn't know many other people (she prefers that actually). Groomsman's SO will be seated close to the headtable with the other SO so that they are both close to the headtable-I know that all of you don't agree with this. I find it a bit ironic that most of you feel that I'm supposed to go with the flow regarding the groomsman's tux, but throw a hissy fit with the hall or my FI cause the headtable is a certain way-I just think its funny.
Also, we can't sit with my parents and have no head table because FI's parents are divorced (not a nice divorce either). They each have their own table and would be offended if we sat at the others and there is no way to sit them all together....especially since FI's parents each have a SO, plus my parents.
FYI: I am slightly judgemental about how the groomsman treats his SO especially since we all know he is and has cheated on her. He has blatantly told us that he stays with her to help pay the rent. I just don't like seeing that happen to another female, especially since I know how that feels due to former relationships.

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:2245841a-282e-47aa-a814-e1e7287268fc">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]Alright, one more time-FI and I have had this argument, I am the one FINE with seating our wedding party with their dates or at other tables. HE does not want to do that and wants a head table and does NOT want a sweetheart table either....not budging, we've had the talk. The hall has a headtable set for 14 people (the exact number in our bridal party), thats it-I've asked already, its just how they have it-its not a real fancy hall or anything like that k? My bridesmaid is fine with having her SO seated with her mom as her mom doesn't know many other people (she prefers that actually). Groomsman's SO will be seated close to the headtable with the other SO so that they are both close to the headtable-I know that all of you don't agree with this. <strong>I find it a bit ironic that most of you feel that I'm supposed to go with the flow regarding the groomsman's tux, but throw a hissy fit with the hall or my FI cause the headtable is a certain way-I just think its funny.</strong> Also, we can't sit with my parents and have no head table because FI's parents are divorced (not a nice divorce either). They each have their own table and would be offended if we sat at the others and there is no way to sit them all together....especially since FI's parents each have a SO, plus my parents. FYI: I am slightly judgemental about how the groomsman treats his SO especially since we all know he is and has cheated on her. He has blatantly told us that he stays with her to help pay the rent. I just don't like seeing that happen to another female, especially since I know how that feels due to former relationships.
Posted by ShyDreamer00[/QUOTE]
Well, no one's really going to get hurt if the groomsman doesn't get his tux in time. Talking with the hall about the head table (presumably they'll be more receptive if you don't throw a hissy fit) is ensuring the comfort of everyone involved. It's about more than just you, it's about your duties as a hostess.

What about you and your FI sitting with just the BM/MOH, or with just your siblings or something like that?  Look at it this way: working out a seating chart where the GM is sitting with his girlfriend now means that it's one less variable, because he'll be sitting there whether in a tux or not.

Annas2013

I feel like this turned from you not being happy with the GM taking his time getting the tux to you openly judging the GM and putting his business on the internet.  Not cool.  It doesn't matter how you feel about him if your FI has asked him to be a GM.  Let the tux thing rest.  It's not worth it to get stressed.  He gets it?  Awesome.  He doesn't?  Not a huge deal.  

If your FI is okay with being rude about the head table that's his and your choice.  Like pp above said, there are other options than a sweetheart table.  Try and talk to the venue.  Nicely.

Just relax.  It'll all work out.

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:f4697007-515b-4baa-9579-bd739b9ee258">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh : Well, no one's really going to get hurt if the groomsman doesn't get his tux in time. Talking with the hall about the head table (presumably they'll be more receptive if you don't throw a hissy fit) is ensuring the comfort of everyone involved. It's about more than just you, it's about your duties as a hostess. What about you and your FI sitting with just the BM/MOH, or with just your siblings or something like that?  Look at it this way: working out a seating chart where the GM is sitting with his girlfriend now means that it's one less variable, because he'll be sitting there whether in a tux or not.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

I've already asked the hall if there is any other way to have it set up or extend it and they said no. I've tried to be accommodating regarding that and I didn't throw a hissy fit with them-only my FI would I do that, LOL :)
I like your idea of sitting with just BM/MOH but the MOH is the one who has a SO (she wants her SO to sit with her mom since her mom doesn't know that many at the wedding reception). My FI does NOT get the concept that it is now considered rude to sit SO's apart (at least in the bridal party)-we've had the discussion a couple times now. We can't really do siblings because my two brothers are groomsmen, his sister is one of my bridesmaids, and he has 7 other half-siblings who will be there (a couple under the age of 6), and I don't want to be babysitting at the headtable, but if we didn't include the little ones his mom would be offended. Sorry, its a little complicated-LOL.
Thank you for your nice advice and helpful ideas :)

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:6dd13451-14ab-4d40-828a-1848768ad805">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel like this turned from you not being happy with the GM taking his time getting the tux to you openly judging the GM and putting his business on the internet.  Not cool.  It doesn't matter how you feel about him if your FI has asked him to be a GM.  Let the tux thing rest.  It's not worth it to get stressed.  He gets it?  Awesome.  He doesn't?  Not a huge deal.   If your FI is okay with being rude about the head table that's his and your choice.  Like pp above said, there are other options than a sweetheart table.  Try and talk to the venue.  Nicely. Just relax.  It'll all work out.
Posted by Annas2013[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the words of advice :) I didn't intend to put his business out there, just tried to convey that he pretty much doesn't care too much about his SO so he wouldn't really care where she sat (has told us that he doesn't care where she sits). Trust me, I stay out of their relationship cause its not mine.
I've told FI that its considered rude to do the headtable that way nowadays and he doesn't care-he wants his groomsmen by him for part of the reception...I figure I gotta give in on some things, LOL.

HeathenSwan

To the original question, I always though they paid when they picked up the tux anyway? That's how I've always experienced it. My fiance was in his cousin's wedding in Sept. His tux was from Men's Wearhouse. They wanted the deposit at the time of measurements, then the balance when he picked it up. 

If he doesn't have the money, you can always fit him in somewhere there is space on the day of, or just leave him at the head table (without having him walk down the aisle, maybe). I'd sayif he was selected as a GM, then he is close to your fiance, so he may still want him there. It'll save some of the hassle of tables and such. I'm kind of laid back about the whole thing, so that's probably what I'd do

ajmom2two

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:5107c0bf-0fa6-4b97-9489-4102e1dc1ffa">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]To the original question,<strong> I always though they paid when they picked up the tux anyway? That's how I've always experienced it. My fiance was in his cousin's wedding in Sept. His tux was from Men's Wearhouse. They wanted the deposit at the time of measurements, then the balance when he picked it up.</strong>  If he doesn't have the money, you can always fit him in somewhere there is space on the day of, or just leave him at the head table (without having him walk down the aisle, maybe). I'd sayif he was selected as a GM, then he is close to your fiance, so he may still want him there. It'll save some of the hassle of tables and such. I'm kind of laid back about the whole thing, so that's probably what I'd do :)
Posted by HeathenSwan[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Now that you posted this I remember that this is how our tux place wanted to do it too.  We just paid in full the day we ordered but if we hadnt it the balance would have been paid when it was picked up.  We got ours at Tip Top Tux.

</div>

juliebug1997

You actually did put your finances out there:  you said that your groomsman had a hard time financially and then said "we all do."  You had your judgy pants/shorts/skirt/dress/chaps on.

MyNameIsNot

I love the irony of OP telling PP that her finances are none of her business while she judges the GM's financial situation.  It's pretty clear that no one asked the GM for a budget at the outset.

I can't give good advice for someone that can't be bothered to be polite to her WP in something as simple as seating arrangements.  It never fails to amaze me how people think it's ok to mistreat their friends because it's their wedding.  

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:b92a366e-358e-4e5e-85f6-6afe72fb8ae7">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]I love the irony of OP telling PP that her finances are none of her business while she judges the GM's financial situation.  It's pretty clear that no one asked the GM for a budget at the outset. I can't give good advice for someone that can't be bothered to be polite to her WP in something as simple as seating arrangements.  It never fails to amaze me how people think it's ok to mistreat their friends because it's their wedding.  
Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

Actually I didn't judge his financial situation-I didn't say that he isn't having a hard time of things because he might be. What I was trying to do was say that he's not the only one because I knew that the next suggestion would be to help pay for his tuxedo if we really wanted him in the wedding which we can't afford to do this close to the date. What the OP had implied was that we just had extra money lying around to help pay for things due to the fact that my parents are paying for a majority of the wedding. This just simply isn't the case.
I thought we had gotten a pretty good deal on the tuxes, groomsmen could supply their own shoes if they wanted instead of renting them, and they got 50 percent off on their tux which was 100.00 for everything (including shoes, vest, tie, etc)....my FI is a bigger guy so we had to go with a certain style of tux that would accommodate that. The bridesmaids dresses were more expensive then the guys and they were the ones who chose it (dresses ranged from 75.00-200.00). I just chose the colors...they picked the dress based on the fact that it had pockets and looked good on all of them, LOL.
Thank you SO much for not being polite to me when its my FI who doesn't want to budge on the seating arrangements-that makes so much sense. If you want, I can send you his email address and you can tell him how rude he is being-LOL.

ShyDreamer00

Thank you to those who gave constructive and helpful advice-I realize that I came across as bridezilla (its been the only time so far, so I think that's pretty good) plus it doesn't help that this info came at the wrong time of the month-LOL. To those who just decided to name-call or judge, well...I guess that's just how life is, can't agree with everyone

I'm sorry that everyone disagrees with how the headtable will be-talk to my FI about it, PLEASE. I really don't have a problem with a sweetheart table-I LIKE the idea of it just being him and I, but he wants his guys around him. It is, what it is....just like I know if that groomsman doesn't get his tux-it is, what it is
A majority of this post was a rant and needing to get it out of my system-to those who understood that, thank you

Viczaesar

You do realize that there are a lot of choices between head table excluding SOs and sitting by yourself at a sweetheart table, right? Tell your FI that separating couples is rude, tjen work with him to gind a solution that satisfies both his desire to sit with his friends AND does not breech etiquette and alienate your wedding party.

ShyDreamer00

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:9dc91284-949b-4051-bd48-9c10525ed371">Re:Groomsman Rantsigh</a>:
[QUOTE]You do realize that there are a lot of choices between head table excluding SOs and sitting by yourself at a sweetheart table, right? Tell your FI that separating couples is rude, tjen work with him to gind a solution that satisfies both his desire to sit with his friends AND does not breech etiquette and alienate your wedding party.
Posted by Viczaesar[/QUOTE]

Actually I don't know of other solutions besides those two that would accommodate his wish to sit with his groomsmen. Head table only seats 14 (I've talked with the hall coordinator and SHE states that it is as big as they can make it) and our wedding party is 14 people. I don't want to kick out any of our wedding party to make room for a SO and that the groomsman said he doesn't really care where she sits (complicated situation-they have an interesting relationship to say the least). I've heard the suggestion of sitting with our parents, but while my parents are married-FI's parents are divorced (didn't end well), and they each have SO's...and we're lucky they can be around each other enough for the ceremony/reception as it is (not being seated by each other). There is also sitting with siblings, but my FI has 8 siblings (half-siblings) some which are under the age of 6 and I really don't want to babysit at the headtable. There was also the suggestion of sitting with just the MOH and BM which I liked, but MOH has the only other SO....so ummm...that kinda doesn't work either, LOL.
I will say that my MOH WANTS her SO to sit with her mother because her mother doesn't know too many other people at the wedding. So even if I could sit the MOH's SO with us, I probably wouldn't because the MOH would worry about her mother being comfortable. This leaves only that one groomsman's SO sitting at a table that will be close to ours (right next to it) with people that she DOES know, but that she doesn't like (she doesn't like any of the groomsman's friends).
I am open to other ideas/suggestions....PLEASE let me know and this would help me out! Thank you :)

aro1589

ShyDreamer -

I have NEVER heard of the wedding party sitting with their dates.  EVER.  The wedding party ALWAYS sits with the bride and groom at the head table. 

I'm from NE Ohio too.  But I've been to weddings in Pittsburgh too and there is always a head table for just the wedding party.

I think you're completely justified in being upset about the situation.  try not to stress TOO much.

good luck, I hope it all works out for you!

ajmom2two

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_groomsman-rant-sigh?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:91a3bedd-9334-49d1-b24b-1e5260a722b4Post:e03cb6d6-1db0-4c87-80eb-610c619494df">Re: Groomsman Rant-sigh</a>:
[QUOTE]ShyDreamer - I have NEVER heard of the wedding party sitting with their dates.  EVER.  The wedding party ALWAYS sits with the bride and groom at the head table.  I'm from NE Ohio too.  But I've been to weddings in Pittsburgh too and there is always a head table for just the wedding party. I think you're completely justified in being upset about the situation.  try not to stress TOO much. good luck, I hope it all works out for you!
Posted by aro1589[/QUOTE]

<div>Just bc you havent seen it doesnt mean its not incredibly rude.  How upset would you be if you went to a wedding where you new a limited number of people and none of them were friends and you had to sit seperate from your FI/DH?  I have been to a number of weddings that did not have a head table or if they did they had the SO sit with the wedding party.  I have seen some pretty large head tables.  The last wedding that I went to, in April, had 9 BM & 9 GM as well as a handful of SO sitting at it with the Bride & Groom.  I live in Nebraska and its considered rude hear so I know its not just an east & west coast thing.</div>

ajmom2two

You should also point out that the 2 of you wont be sitting their for long anyhow since you will need to do table visits, etc.