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B list rant

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Re: B list rant

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    emilykathleen511emilykathleen511
    First Comment First Anniversary
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:d58c296a-8fcb-4a5c-8400-2bfd7b5440e3">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : Save the dates don't have hotel or flight discount information as far as I knew?
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

    <div>They usually have a wedding website listed with that information, or that information is listed on the back side. Plus, people do not need that information. They can just book a hotel and book a flight if they have the date and location.</div>
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:bf5d3a47-c75a-4c9c-a305-86c936adfd33">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : <strong> Your wedding coordinator is on crack.</strong>  I did a destination wedding.  STDs at 9 months, invites at 8 weeks.  The invite timeline DOES NOT CHANGE, regardless of when or where the wedding is held.  That's why STDs were invented, to give people time to make travel and accommodation plans.  I really hope you didn't send out your invitations crazy early like that, or your guests probably think you're nuts.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
    Nice.

    Our wedding is going to cost our guests about $500 a person at the minimum to go, so I don't really care if you don't like it, I know my FRIENDS and FAMILY will appreciate the fact I gave them time to save.
    As for time off, many jobs (government and more) require 3 months notice for time off. I have guests who pick their weeks at the beginning of the year, so its important to me and them that they know when to get off.
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:f54f9715-29a8-4c8a-a034-b6a604a6266d">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : They usually have a wedding website listed with that information, or that information is listed on the back side. Plus, people do not need that information. They can just book a hotel and book a flight if they have the date and location.
    Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]
    They don't get discounts if they do it on their own.
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:3e1327d2-015a-4f9d-aa20-70f589552a89">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : They can.  Our STDs included our wedding website URL, which had all that information.  I've also seen STDs that included travel and accommodation cards.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
    Interesting, I've always read that those cards go with the invite.
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    I still haven't seen the OP give one good reason why she can't decide now if she will be attending.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    I don't care if your wedding is local or on Mars, it's too far in advance to ask people to commit.  I've been invited to two DWs in the past year and couldn't go to either, but I got STDs about 6 months out and invites 2 months out, like a normal person.  I travel a lot, both domestically and internationally, and I never, ever book domestic travel more than 2 months out or international travel more than 4 months out.  It's kind of silly to do so.  Airline schedules change a lot, fare sales happen, work schedules can change, jobs can be lost, you name it.  
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    frogurt814frogurt814
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:35348a63-c68f-411e-a0c8-adfb32bd7c1f">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : Nice. Our wedding is going to cost our guests about $500 a person at the minimum to go, so I don't really care if you don't like it, I know my FRIENDS and FAMILY will appreciate the fact I gave them time to save. As for time off, many jobs (government and more) require 3 months notice for time off. I have guests who pick their weeks at the beginning of the year, so its important to me and them that they know when to get off.
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]
    I agree.  Some people do have jobs where they need a lot of notice to take time off work.  That's why it was considerate of the Bride and Groom to send out their STDs last December.
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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    An STD gives notice to take time off work as well.  There's still no sane reason to require an RSVP that early.  Justify it all you want, it's still wrong.
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:3668a396-fc8b-4ef9-8423-12c15e6e4463">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]An STD gives notice to take time off work as well.  There's still no sane reason to require an RSVP that early.  Justify it all you want, it's still wrong.
    Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]
    If you already got the time off, then what is the problem with RSVPing early? How is it Wrong? A Save the date *traditionally* has just that, the date of the wedding. It doesn't have flight information to get the discounted fares, or hotel blocks. It doesn't have that we'll be there a week or whatever.  You can say its still wrong all you want, but you're not telling me WHY its wrong 100% of the time. Why YOUR opinion trumps anyone elses or their personal knowledge of their guests and preferences.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited July 2010
    Because while you might have every intention of going to the wedding six months out, something might come up in the intervening months.  Example: I was invited to a good friend's OOT wedding back in April.  I got my STD in October.  I wanted to go.  Then in January I learned I had an exam the next day.  Couldn't go, couldn't change it, couldn't skip the exam.  If I had RSVP'd back in October, I would have had to take back the RSVP.

    It's not wrong, it just isn't a good idea because you're putting guests in the position of having to commit to attend too far in advance.  Lots of things come up in the meantime.  Six months is enough time to find out you're going to have a baby and can't travel the month of the wedding, lose a job and no longer have the means to attend, move out of state, have a car break down and drain your wedding money fund, etc.  

    Is this really so difficult to understand?
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:3bcdbc57-026b-4dfa-b4c2-120fc141ea97">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]Because while you might have every intention of going to the wedding six months out, something might come up in the intervening months.  Example: I was invited to a good friend's OOT wedding back in April.  I got my STD in October.  I wanted to go.  Then in January I learned I had an exam the next day.  Couldn't go, couldn't change it, couldn't skip the exam.  If I had RSVP'd back in October, I would have had to take back the RSVP. It's not wrong, it just isn't a good idea because you're putting guests in the position of having to commit to attend too far in advance.  Lots of things come up in the meantime.  Six months is enough time to find out you're going to have a baby and can't travel the month of the wedding, lose a job and no longer have the means to attend, move out of state, have a car break down and drain your wedding money fund, etc.   <strong>Is this really so difficult to understand?</strong>
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
    Honestly, I was with you until this
    "<strong>Is this really so difficult to understand?"
    </strong>Is it really so difficult to be nice? Or to understand that not everyones family is the same? My family would honestly get PO'd if I didn't give them the kind of notice I mentioned earlier. And they would already have the flights and rooms booked 5 months or more in advance.  They are just like that. Poop happens, I get that, but it happenes after you RSVP too, and thats why you insure tickets and such.
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    emilykathleen511emilykathleen511
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:c2771f55-2b28-41ac-b13a-dbfb2034fa85">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : Honestly, I was with you until this " Is this really so difficult to understand?" Is it really so difficult to be nice? Or to understand that not everyones family is the same? My family would honestly get PO'd if I didn't give them the kind of notice I mentioned earlier. And they would already have the flights and rooms booked 5 months or more in advance.  They are just like that. Poop happens, I get that, but it happenes after you RSVP too, and thats why you insure tickets and such.
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

    <div>STDs ARE advance notice. That is the point. And EVEN if you want to send invitations early, you STILL don't need to set your RSVP date so early. There is simply no reason to. The caterer needs numbers usually about two weeks out. So require the RSVP based on that.</div>
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    My apologies that you were offended by that.  It wasn't my intention.

    I'm glad your family is in such a secure position that they can book things so far in advance and not have to worry about bad things happening.  Most people don't buy travel insurance, and I only do it when I travel abroad.  Putting your nearest and dearest in a situation where they would need to buy insurance because you're asking them to RSVP so far in advance is just not necessary.  Why put your guests in that situation?  Even the crap sources of etiquette say 2 months to send the invites, 1 month for RSVP.
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:3128d1d6-0432-4864-9ed4-8172415a078e">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : STDs ARE advance notice. That is the point. And EVEN if you want to send invitations early, you STILL don't need to set your RSVP date so early. There is simply no reason to. The caterer needs numbers usually about two weeks out. So require the RSVP based on that.
    Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

    Thanks. I still see a need, because I don't have a problem with a b-list, but if someone is against B-lists it makes sense that they only need to be back a couple weeks before the big day.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:b632c6a5-408d-4926-a369-6aad40b7b187">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : Thanks. I still see a need, because I don't have a problem with a b-list, but if someone is against B-lists it makes sense that they only need to be back a couple weeks before the big day.
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

    <div>What need is that?  To annoy people?  </div>
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    filawfilaw member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:c2771f55-2b28-41ac-b13a-dbfb2034fa85">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]My family would honestly get PO'd if I didn't give them the kind of notice I mentioned earlier. And they would already have the flights and rooms booked 5 months or more in advance. 
    Posted by Belle2Be[/QUOTE]

    Seriously.  My dad's family was on me 9 months before the wedding to let them know what hotel I had blocked rooms at so they could make reservations.  I was like, ummm, I dunno, I haven't done that yet.  I guess I can do that now if you need me to?

    They were also irritated when 6 months out we decided we wanted to offer an after wedding brunch.  Because they had already bought their plane tickets for the first flight out Sunday morning.
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    jbconklinjbconklin member
    First Comment
    I don't believe it's rude to expect people to reply so far in advance- unless you start hounding guests who haven't gotten around to responding.  A simple "are you able to make it? We'd love to have you!" would suffice.

    We are having a November (Thanksgiving) wedding and asked our guests to reply by August 31st.  (No A or B list, just one list)  Yes I sent out our Save-The-Dates with our Christmas cards and Yes I sent our invitations out in May.  Our reasoning is that we are asking our out-of-towners to make travel arrangements during one of the busiest holiday/travel weekends of the year, and we wanted them to have AMPLE time and ability to do so. 

    But it's not like we're going to go ballistic on people who DON'T respond by then!  We are reasonable! Lol. 

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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    But why require the RSVP so early?  The STD gives them all the information.  They can then plan.  Why force them to reply so early?  It's rude to your guests.  You are forcing them to plan too far ahead and to do so on YOUR schedule, not theirs.  You are asking them to commit to something and you assume that they will want to spend their vacation time at your wedding.  IMHO, that's very presumptuous.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    edited July 2010
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:ed24670b-d0f0-4fc5-885b-7a005f887b26">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]But why require the RSVP so early?  The STD gives them all the information.  They can then plan.  Why force them to reply so early?  It's rude to your guests.  You are forcing them to plan too far ahead and to do so on YOUR schedule, not theirs.  You are asking them to commit to something and you assume that they will want to spend their vacation time at your wedding.  IMHO, that's very presumptuous.  
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
    To you, its presumptuous.  To me, I know my family.  ETA my STD's only have the dates, not any other info.

    Clearly in the OP's situation, it was a rant and I shouldn't have even said anything, so I apologize OP for completely hijacking your thread. If you don't like B-lists, thats fine, however I can understand the want to have a wedding in a certain place even if that means limiting the guests, and still see nothing wrong with having a B list to fill in the spaces that your Must haves couldn't take.
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:1b457957-ac0a-4804-ad30-f55495c03ac6">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]My apologies that you were offended by that.  It wasn't my intention. I'm glad your family is in such a secure position that they can book things so far in advance and not have to worry about bad things happening.  Most people don't buy travel insurance, and I only do it when I travel abroad.  Putting your nearest and dearest in a situation where they would need to buy insurance because you're asking them to RSVP so far in advance is just not necessary.  Why put your guests in that situation?  Even the crap sources of etiquette say 2 months to send the invites, 1 month for RSVP.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    Travel insurance is 18 bucks a ticket, I've always bought it even when the travel date was 2 weeks out. It's not that dire.  And I honestly wouldn't invite people who would even have a second thought (let alone a negative rant) at the proper etiquette of time-lines and whatnot, it's not a crowd I would want to be a part of.
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:25a46e8f-cf36-4f6b-be2a-ef08777ae785">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: B list rant : What need is that?  To annoy people?  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    Yup, nail on the head. My goal in life is to annoy people. What a BRILLIANT reply.
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    My point was that you should not put your guests in such a position where they may have to go through the inconvenience of canceling their plans because you selfishly decided you needed to know omgthissecond who was coming to your wedding too far in advance.  If you don't get it, fine, but know that it's not fair to ask people to do that so far in advance.  If your family wants to book their flights 9 months in advance, great--they can do that based on the information they get in the STD.  They are 100% free to do that.  But to require EVERYONE respond to the invitation months in advance is rude and inconsiderate.  
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    I also think you fail to understand that the RSVP is for YOU, not your guests, so I'm not buying the "I'm doing it for them" explanation.  The response is not for their benefit, it's for yours and there's no reason to require it so early.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:29c1520d-7a79-4d1f-90b3-270d0eb59152">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]My point was that you should not put your guests in such a position where they may have to go through the inconvenience of canceling their plans because you selfishly decided you needed to know omgthissecond who was coming to your wedding too far in advance.  If you don't get it, fine, but know that it's not fair to ask people to do that so far in advance.  If your family wants to book their flights 9 months in advance, great--they can do that based on the information they get in the STD.  They are 100% free to do that.  But to require EVERYONE respond to the invitation months in advance is rude and inconsiderate.  
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

    2 months is not omgthissecond in advance. You're making assumptions, what makes you think that EVERYONE isn't my family?
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    Belle2BeBelle2Be member
    First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:9391cab0-a1c3-47f8-9932-0eeda1fcadf3">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]I also think you fail to understand that the RSVP is for YOU, not your guests, so I'm not buying the "I'm doing it for them" explanation.  The response is not for their benefit, it's for yours and there's no reason to require it so early.
    Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]
    I never said the RSVP was for them. Sending out the STD and Invites so far out is for them, asking for the RSVP back 2 months prior would be for me, but knowing my guests they will already have their answers by then.
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    Meagan78Meagan78
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    Wow, that is a SUPER early RSVP date!  I'd be uspet, too, and agree that STDs would have been the way to go to give people time for arrangements.  None of the venues we looked at need final numbers until 15 days before (or less!).  The B List thing is kind of crappy...  I bet they are facing this with other guests, too, who had no idea.
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    megk8ozmegk8oz member
    First Comment
    I think the RSVP date is too early, B list or no B list. I don't even think the actual invite should have been sent out at this point.

    So yeah, Frogurt, if I were you, I'd be annoyed.

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    Lanie0723Lanie0723 member
    First Comment
    We have a B-list...... we have about 10 couples on the list but 280 on our A-list. To have a wedding of 290 plus now a days is costly. If your tryin to stay in budget, do what you gotta do. The guest on our B-list are recent ex co-workers we may not keep intouch with in the next year or friends of my in-laws we dont really know. I dont think it "rude" to have a B-list. The guest are important but it's the couples day....not yours. :)
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    bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_b-list-rant?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:975b8a3b-0942-4511-b821-3c8de67434d3Post:7e5903b2-d16c-4b69-af9c-f8ace913beca">Re: B list rant</a>:
    [QUOTE]We have a B-list...... we have about 10 couples on the list but 280 on our A-list. To have a wedding of 290 plus now a days is costly. If your tryin to stay in budget, do what you gotta do. The guest on our B-list are recent ex co-workers we may not keep intouch with in the next year or friends of my in-laws we dont really know. I dont think it "rude" to have a B-list. T<strong>he guest are important but it's the couples day....not yours. :)</strong>
    Posted by Lanie0723[/QUOTE]
    Headdesk.  I give up on this thread.
    Courtesy of megk8oz
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    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
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    ShaunajRNShaunajRN
    First Comment
    I personally don't blame people who have B lists. And obviously you made it on the A so not sure why you're upset.
    Just buy plane tickets now since you can afford it now & RSVP yes. 
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