Wedding Party

Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)

Hi

just wanted some thoughts on a snag I've hit with my BM.  We are having a child-free wedding. My BM has three children under the age of 3. We informed her right away that we weren't having kids at the wedding and she was completely fine with this. They live 2 hrs away and i had made time to drive down to them to go dress shopping and because the store i wanted to go to was 30 mins from her house she didn't want to go. So me and my MOH went together and picked out a dress for them, she put a deposit down. (this was 2 months ago).

I have just now found out with the wedding 2 months away that she tried on the dress but didn't bother putting a deposit on it...?!   And now she also tells me that she can't find a babysitter for her 3 kids and is now trying to say that the oldest one will not sleep anywhere alone, only where her mom is....(yeah right!!) it's starting to sound to us like she is trying to get us to give in to her and just say .. "oh fine just bring them anyways".
We are NOT giving in... My FI has called her and told her that if this is not working for her and that it's too much to pay for a dress that she can back out with no hard feelings...but we need to know ASAP. That was 2 weeks ago and she is still putting it off everytime i call her.

does anyone have any other ideas... I don't want to just replace her before i get an answer, but i want her to tell me she doesn't want to do it. 
Before i ask someone eles that wants to be there.  Just seems like she doesn't even care.

thanks
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Re: Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)

  • the wedding is two months away. she doesn't need to buy a dress yet. and really she can't find a baby sitter for two months from now? maybe as it gets closer, as sometimes people don't know their schedule that far out. is she maybe uncomfortable leaving the children with a sitter? does she have family that might be able to watch them? 

    and please, don't ever replace her. whomever you ask will certainly know that they were a replacement and second string, and it sucks. if there are other people that you would want to be in your bridal party, just ask them. 
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:74bc898f-d1b7-4fa0-a55f-fd3073798205">Getting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Hi just wanted some thoughts on a snag I've hit with my BM.  We are having a child-free wedding. My BM has three children under the age of 3. We informed her right away that we weren't having kids at the wedding and she was completely fine with this. They live 2 hrs away and i had made time to drive down to them to go dress shopping and because the store i wanted to go to was 30 mins from her house she didn't want to go. So me and my MOH went together and picked out a dress for them, she put a deposit down. (this was 2 months ago). I have just mow found out with the wedding 2 months away that she tried on the dress but didn't bother putting a deposit on it...?!   And now she also tells me that she can't find a babysitter for her 3 kids and is now trying to say that the oldest one will not sleep anywhere alone, only where her mom is.... it's starting to sound to us like she is trying to get us to give in to her and just say .. "oh fine just bring them anyways". We are NOT giving in... My FI has called her and told her that if this is not working for her and that it's too much to pay for a dress that she can back out with no hard feelings...but we need to know ASAP. That was 2 weeks ago and she is still putting it off everytime i call her. does anyone have any other ideas... I don't want to just replace her before i get an answer, but i want her to tell me she doesn't want to do it.  Before i ask someone eles that i know would want to be there.  Just seems like she doesn't even care. thanks
    Posted by whispers81[/QUOTE]

    <div>Do not kick her out. Do not replace her. </div><div>
    </div><div>Both of those ideas result in broken friendships. Yes, she may be being a bit of a slacker or freaking you out with uncertainty, but just try to not think about it. If she shows up on the day of the wedding and doesn't have the dress, she's automatically removed herself from the bridal party. Sides don't need to be even so you don't need to "replace" her. Also, the replacement will feel like a replacement. This will hurt BOTH friends. </div><div>
    </div><div>Did you give this bm a deadline for last day the dress can be ordered? Also, having 3 kids under the age of 3 sounds like a handful so maybe she's just super busy. I don't want to give her the complete excuse of "give her a break" but no one is going to care about your wedding as much as you do. </div><div>
    </div><div>And pray tell, how DID you find out that she tried on the dress and didn't pay a deposit?</div>
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • well,
      I know this because she told me she didn't put a deposit.  Also I don't think that $40 for a deposit is too much to ask. Seeing as how they are renting dresses from a bridal shop at HER request, because she didn't have the money to pay $200 to buy a dress she wanted to rent them cause it is cheaper and she won't have a dress hanging around her place that she'll never wear again...(her exact words..not mine)
    Also the oldest goes to junior kindergarden a couple of days a week and all she does is sit at home on FB and drink coffee..lol i know cause she has done it for 3 yrs. I don't really care about that stuff I just am just a little annoyed that she is doing this. And the first fitting for them in aug.2  If I had known this before i wouldn't have asked her to start with.
  • $40 may not be a lot to you, but it may be to her. Also, who cares HOW old her kids are. The point is that she has a lot going on in her life. Just try not to think about it, give her the AUgust 2nd deadline for fittings (probably means that she has to already reserve the dress) and move on. It's not worth this stress you're developing. And since you DID post it, August 2nd is over a month away. 
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:3b953884-3cbb-4440-bfd5-a8123966d16a">Re: Getting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]well,   I know this because she told me she didn't put a deposit.  Also I don't think that $40 for a deposit is too much to ask. Seeing as how they are renting dresses from a bridal shop at HER request, because she didn't have the money to pay $200 to buy a dress she wanted to rent them cause it is cheaper and she won't have a dress hanging around her place that she'll never wear again...(her exact words..not mine) Also the oldest goes to junior kindergarden a couple of days a week and all she does is sit at home on FB and drink coffee..lol i know cause she has done it for 3 yrs. I don't really care about that stuff I just am just a little annoyed that she is doing this. And the first fitting for them in aug.2  If I had known this before i wouldn't have asked her to start with.
    Posted by whispers81[/QUOTE]

    I had three children in 3 years and was a SAHM.  My third was born 1 week before my first turned 4.   I don't remember too much about the first year.

    Here's what I do remember:  that I may have joked about sitting around, but I NEVER, EVER did just "sit around" and drink coffee.  Three children in three years is overwhelming:  physically, emotionally.  You have NO time for yourself.  None.

    I'm going to guess that you have no children yet.  So you really can't even being to imagine her life.

    At the time that I had two babies and a toddler, I might have been happy about your wedding, but in the day to day reality that I was living, anything wedding related would have been so far off my radar screen that it might as well have been in Spokane while I was living in NJ.

    We also didn't have $40 to spare, even though my husband had a good job, and was I teaching private piano lessons when I could work around the kids schedule.
    And let me talk about how easy it is to find ANYONE willing to take on babysitting for 3 children under the age of 3.  At least anyone that I was willing to trust with that overwhelming responsibility.

    Give her a freakin' break.  It's YOUR wedding, not hers.  OF COURSE, she's not all SQUEEE!!!!11!!!1!!!!1!11  ZOMG! YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED.

    Give her the drop dead dates for wedding attire.  If she gets the dress and finds a babysitter, she walks down the aisle on wedding day.  If she can't, send her the bouquet she would have carried, and tell her how sorry you are she couldn't be with you.

    Why, why, why would you replace her?  That says to her that she's really not that important to you, and says to the replacement that she's sloppy seconds.

    I'm going to give you a break, because you're new here.  But take a moment and go get a piece of paper.  I'll wait...............okay, you're back?  Good.  Now get a marker.  I'll wait again................................. oh good, it's red.

    Now print this out:  NO ONE WILL CARE ABOUT MY WEDDING AS MUCH AS FI AND I DO. 

    Now live it.  Because it's true.

    Good luck.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • If you are so certain that $40 isn't a big deal, then put the deposit down yourself and do her a favor. With 3 under 3, she's probably ready to jump off a cliff most days, so scraping together $40 and going to get fitted probably isn't as easy as you think it is.

    If she has the info on where to get the dress, then leave it alone. If she gets it, she's in. If not, she's out.

    You don't need a replacement. That's a scummy thing to do to her (because it tells her that she is replaceable as a friend) and it's a scummy thing to do to the replacement (because it tells her that she wasn't good enough to be in the wedding the first time around, but she'll do, now that you need a warm body to fill the spot). You don't need even sides.
    image
  • edited June 2010
    to trix1223

    well, sorry to burst your bubble, but she dosen't have it that bad. And ya she does sit around doing a lot of yelling and swearing at the kids and  take three of them and sit at a coffee shop in the parking lot for 3 hrs....but whatever that's her life. I don't give a damn how she spends her time.
    It is not the issue at all right now. I only wanted some feedback on what's happening.

    It's ignorant  and rude people like you that make asking question and  for idea 's on here painful and really i'm sure your that much better then everyone else because you spend so much of your time on here evaluating everyone's issues.

    thanks for the input anyhow.



    wow, it is surprising how everyone is so quick to come down on others, no $40 is not a lot i realize that, but she knew that she would pay when she agreed to be in it. anyhow i only thought if she didn't want to go through with it, that it would then be ok to ask someone who wants to be in it. that's all
  • *snore*

    If you're that judgey about her life, then do her a favor and kick her out. She's probably tired of listening to you belittle her.
    image
  • OP, you may not realize this but you're sounding a bit judgmental of your friend. I highly doubt she's sitting around on FB all day drinking coffee and doing nothing else with 3 children under the age of 3. Quite frankly, any mom is busy - whether she's got 1 or 5. With that said...I also think you're sounding judgy when it comes to the issue of "I don't think $40 for a deposit is too much to ask..." Well, when you've got kids, that $40 can go a long way towards new shoes for them, for example. And if they're on one income - since you said she's at home, I'm assuming her partner must be the breadwinner? - that's 5 people with one income. So.

    If you're that worried about the dress getting a deposit put on it and $40 isn't too much to ask, then put down the $40 and let your friend know it's been taken care of.  OR you can give her the very last deadline that the store tells you and trust that she'll get it done by said deadline. If she doesn't....then she's not a BM and that was her choice. But don't kick her out - otherwise you look like a real jerk and don't even think about replacing her. As noted above, that never goes well. People are not props and you don't need even sides. And whomever you ask with 2 months to go is going to know they weren't good enough to have been asked originally and are functioning as a last minute stand-in. Not cool. 
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:d4054f12-b94d-46d0-90fa-b6d91c8fde93">Re: Getting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]the wedding is two months away. she doesn't need to buy a dress yet.
    Posted by psichick[/QUOTE]

    My MOH's dress took 2.5 months to come in, longer than mine actually. So, I can agree with OP that the dress needs to be ordered now if the wedding is 2 months out.

    However, I agree with the other PPs that you can't kick her out. If she can't find a sitter, then she doesn't come. Seems simple enough. But saying she doesn't do anything all day long is absurd, no matter what you think actually goes on. 3 kids under 3 is tough on anyone.
  • It's not okay to kick her out or replace her.  The conversation your FI had with her was out of line and an implication that you want her to drop out.  You should apologize for it.

    Give her the final deadline the shop has for putting a deposit down on the dress and then leave her alone about the wedding.  If she may have financial concerns, you could pay that $40 yourself.  There have been many times when $40 was a whole lot of money to me, and it may be for her.

    She might end up with a sitter closer to the wedding.  Or her husband might stay home with the kids, or another relative.  You could also see if you can find a sitter closer to the wedding - a trusted adult.  She may or may not go for that if she doesn't know the sitter, though.

    With 3 kids under 3, I highly doubt she's sitting around on facebook drinking coffee when the oldest is at school.  She's still probably got 2 kids under 2 to wrangle at that point, right?
  • Wow, you're really judgmental of your friend. 
    image
    Sunbonnet or cone of shame? You be the judge! Trixie's Blog
    My Planning Bio
    My Married Bio updated March 4
  • yes i do agree that 3 kids is a handful no doubt.  But still... I guess you have to know the type of person she is, to fully understand.

    anyways as i said before I am not kicking her out it just seems as though she is trying to get out without having to say it... like she wants us to be the bad ones and kick her out. So she doesn't have to look bad an bail on us.

  • [QUOTE] My MOH's dress took 2.5 months to come in, longer than mine actually. So, I can agree with OP that the dress needs to be ordered now if the wedding is 2 months out.
    Posted by Seshat411[/QUOTE]
    My BMs' dresses took 3.5 months to arrive.  But since this is a dress rental and not a purchase, she should be fine.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:057f4f8c-5ccc-4c6e-b5d8-ff18e057babd">Re: Getting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]yes i do agree that 3 kids is a handful no doubt.  But still... I guess you have to know the type of person she is, to fully understand. <strong>anyways as i said before I am not kicking her out it just seems as though she is trying to get out without having to say it... like she wants us to be the bad ones and kick her out. So she doesn't have to look bad an bail on us.</strong>
    Posted by whispers81[/QUOTE]

    So don't give her that satisfaction. If she shows up, she's in, if not then follow Trix's advice - which, although you didn't much like it, and although it may not apply to this exact situation (we don't know your friend) was really solid advice. Nothing bad will happen if you're short a BM on the day, and you will be too focused on getting married (ya know, the point of the whole thing) to let a friend's flakiness "ruin your day."

    There was an 8.8 earthquake the week before my wedding, and I didn't know if any of my BMs would make it since the airport was closed and flights were canceled until two days beforehand. I didn't rush around Santiago trying to find people to replace them because that wasn't what was important.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:c84821fd-4805-410a-bdc0-9656957422d0">Re: Getting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]to trix1223 well, sorry to burst your bubble, but she dosen't have it that bad. And ya she does sit around doing a lot of yelling and swearing at the kids and when she's busy on the computer and the child is climbing on the counters and on top of the fridge and all she does is yell "get the fu** down" without getting up from the desk while talking on the phone, ya she has no time....! but can take three of them and sit at a coffee shop in the parking lot for 3 hrs....but whatever that's her life.



     I don't give a damn how she spends her time. It is not the issue at all right now. I only wanted some feedback on what's happening. It's ignorant  and rude people like you that make asking question and  for idea 's on here painful and really i'm sure your that much better then everyone else because you spend so much of your time on here evaluating everyone's issues.

    thanks for the input anyhow. <strong><font color="#ff00ff">You're very welcome.</font></strong>

    wow, it is surprising how everyone is so quick to come down on others, no $40 is not a lot i realize that, but she knew that she would pay when she agreed to be in it.

    anyhow i only thought if she didn't want to go through with it, that it would then be ok to ask someone who wants to be in it. that's all
    Posted by whispers81[/QUOTE]
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • If you think this woman is so awful, why are you friends with her and why did you ask her to be a BM?  People will not change their behavior suddenly just because there is  awedding involved.

    Replacing a BM is a public slight to both the BM being replaced and the BM who is the replacement.

    If you don't care how she spends her time, don't mention it.
  • Why was it O.K. to be friends with her if you seemingly disapprove of the way she raises her kids/spends her time, yet now it's suddenly unacceptable now that she's not paying enough attention to you and yoru wedding?

    It's fine to be unhappy with her personality or life choices. If that's the case, DON'T BE FRIENDS WITH HER. If you DO want to be friends with her, then you need to accept that that's the way she lives, and get over it. Don't agree to be her friend, but suddenly expect her to change once a ring goes on your finger.

    She's got the dress info. She can get it or she can avoid getting it. There's nothing else you need to do here. The ball is completely in her court.
    image
  • Your fi shouldn't have called your friend. You should have called her yourself and asked if there was a problem with getting the dress. It sounds to me that she is looking for a way out. You could have handled this in a way that would have helped her save face. Now fi has put her on the spot and she is avoiding you.

    Try calling your friend and having  a conversation with her. You might find out she's broke or can't find anyone to watch the kids. Or there may be something you haven't even thought of. The only way your going to find out is by talking to her.
                       
  • If you think she's trying to tell you she doesn't want to be in WP anymore then simply tell her Aug 2nd is deadline and if she doesn't show or put the deposit then you will take that as she isn't in WP anymore, leave it up to her. It's her call
  • edited June 2010
    thanks MairePoppy ,

    yes i know my FI shouldn't have called, but he did it when I wasn't there, he thought he was saving me some stress..lol  And he told me after that fact that he called. 
    She isn't upset or anything by him asking, I've talked to her a couple times since, but when I ask how things are going trying to find a babysitter, she keeps saying that she's waiting for so & so to get back to her. Which is fine but we can't wait till a couple of weeks before the day to know. the point of us asking her if she wanted to back out was to help her if she couldn't afford it or if in cause of something else is going  on , but she just won't give me an answer. I still want her to be there but I don't want all this crap of not knowing and if she does want out then  would it be bad to ask someone else that does want to be in it?
  •  if she does want out then  would it be bad to ask someone else?

    Yes. It would be bad, because if you had truly wanted the replacement person then you would've asked her in the first place (and she will know it and likely be hurt, even if she agrees to be a BM).

    Don't ask someone else to replace her. Just go on with whoever you have left.

    Also, why do you need to know right now if this original girl will follow through with being a bridesmaid? Does your caterer request a super-early head count? Are you printing out programs very early? Does your florist need the final bouquet order this far out? Because, typically, these are all things that you can adjust a week or two before the wedding without a cost penalty.

    If you are buying gifts for the bridesmaids now, you could always hold off on hers and then pick up a quick and easy gift card for her a week before the wedding. Or, if you already bought them, then save it for her for a Christmas or birthday gift, or sell the items to a local Knottie or on eBay, or keep them for yourself.
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:becb36a2-7a26-4717-8ad7-7861a9f1f3a6">Re: Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE] the point of us asking her if she wanted to back out was to help her if she couldn't afford it or if in cause of something else is going  on , but she just won't give me an answer. I still want her to be there but I don't want all this crap of not knowing and if she does want out then  would it be bad to ask someone else?
    Posted by whispers81[/QUOTE]

    If your whole point is to step in and save the day and help her - then just pay for it and consider it a gift to your friend in this case. Stop waiting for her answer - it's very hard to tell someone "It turns out I can't afford this afterall and need some help" - especially if she's told you she would be in your wedding. If you're so worried about helping the friend you just bashed on here to us all, then pay for the dress rental for her and stop harassing her about it and babysitters.

    And YES it would be bad to ask someone else even if she tells you she is stepping down. Why? Because if you really wanted that other person you would have asked them in the beginning and they'll know they were a replacement. You do not need even sides and this isn;t a play where you need to fill in roles or need understudies. If she drops out, you have one less BM. You will still be married at the end of the day.
    The Bump ate my signature. DD - Apr 2011 DS - expected June 2013
  • Ditto malphabet on why it's bad to replace a BM.

    You'll probably know by the time your catering count is due, which is probably a couple weeks before the wedding.  If she doesn't RSVP, call and let her know that you need to know whether she and her H will be able to attend since the catering count is due by X date.
  • edited June 2010
    I think it's insensitive to both friends to replace her. You are telling friend number one that she is replaceable and friend number two that she is just a 'warm body', as mbcdefg has aptly stated. You value your friends more than that, right?

    Your best option at this point is to keep the lines of communication open. And just let this thing play itself out. If she shows up in the dress the day of the wedding, all is good. If she doesn't, it's okay to have *uneven sides. The 'extra' groomsman can escort one of the moms or one lucky bridesmaid gets two escorts.

    *edit
                       
  • ok got it...

    thanks
  • I also thought this was an interesting read: http://twitpic.com/20m3u9
    image
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_getting-bm-out-of-wedding-long-vent?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9a0755bf-c2ab-4feb-b5ac-93779467a311Post:becb36a2-7a26-4717-8ad7-7861a9f1f3a6">Re: Letting a BM out of the Wedding. (Long Vent!!)</a>:
    [QUOTE]thanks MairePoppy , yes i know my FI shouldn't have called, but he did it when I wasn't there, he thought he was saving me some stress..lol  And he told me after that fact that he called.  She isn't upset or anything by him asking, I've talked to her a couple times since, but when I ask how things are going trying to find a babysitter, she keeps saying that she's waiting for so & so to get back to her. <strong>Which is fine but we can't wait till a couple of weeks before the day to know.</strong> the point of us asking her if she wanted to back out was to help her if she couldn't afford it or if in cause of something else is going  on , but she just won't give me an answer. I still want her to be there but I don't want all this crap of not knowing and if she does want out then  would it be bad to ask someone else that does want to be in it?
    Posted by whispers81[/QUOTE]

    WHY?

    I'm sorry, but did you read my post? I did not know until literally two days before my wedding if I was going to have BMs. Luckily I did, but I can tell you having been in that position that my wedding and my marriage would both still have been good if I hadn't - yes, even though I'd already paid for their meals and their bouquets and the RD and their gifts and everything.
  • I think you're making drama where there needn't be any.  
    Courtesy of megk8oz
    image
    "I think bablingbrooke is the 13 yr old marring her cousin at the town hall. Lets all give her a big hand. And hope her inbred children can live normal lives." -tabs.

    A word of warning from your friends at Cracked.com: Remember that text is going to be how you make your first impression over the internet; if every third word you type is misspelled, people will automatically assume that you're a moron.
  •  hi all,

    just want to say I kinda agree with where whispers is coming from... if the girl really doesn't want to be in it and just is dragging it out to avoid to issue  and using her kids as an excuse then the bride should have the right to have someone else stand in the other's spot, especially if the new girl really wants to be in it and doesn't care about replacing someone who really dosen't want to be there in the first place. 
    But I would say ya just wait a little longer before saying anything more to her, let her decide, just in case she really IS trying to find a babysitter.
    I have a little one too and some days can be busy but kids always nap...lol

    I have just been through something like this where my best friend got married and had a small wedding she asked her 3 sisters to be in the party and then the MOH sister was so jealous of the attention that everything was about their wedding that 3 weeks before the wedding she told her that she didn't want anything to do with her or the wedding.  And she called me and asked if i'd be her MOH..... i told her i thought her sister was a Bit** for doing that to her but i'd be more than happy to replace her.  I didn't care i only thought was her loss my gain.

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