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strazzypants

joneka

(this is what I,would do) would hv a sit dwn with the 2 co-maid of honors...and ask if the duties are too overwhelming..if so you totally understand and want everyone to have a good experience...let them know that u love them bunches, but u think its for the best that they pick up the duties of bm's..or send their blessings from the pew as guest...i would rather hv one really good moh..than two-half one that run the good one crzy til she quits..then what are you left with?? Two people that want the title but not the responsibilites... although I think ettitique says u cant fire people from wedding party (ur basically stuck)

graysquirrel

What duties are you referring to? Your post makes it sound like there are a lot. Prior to the wedding day, there are zero MOH duties besides to buy the dress. On the wedding day the MOH usually holds the bouquet during the ceremony, hands you the ring, and often signs the license. She someitmes gives a speech if she wants to. Other than that, there isn't really anything that she has to do.

Since you've already asked 3 MOHs, there is nothing you can do short of breaking off a friendship. If you are worried about designating who will do the things listed, why not just ask one to do the bouquet, one to do the ring, and one to sign? Then they can decide on their own if they want to do a speech.

Viczaesar

Jebus, people.  THERE ARE NO DUTIES!  The role of MOH is for YOU to honor THEM, not enlist them in your personal entourage and demand service of them.  Not only do they not have to throw parties, they ALSO don't have to run around on the day of the wedding making sure everything is running smoothly.  If you need to be kept from freaking out, take a valium.  Any of your BMs can straighten your train. 

Tell your friend that nobody has any weight to pull, including her.  You don't get to kick anyone out of the role.

ETA: The 'people' part is directed at the ones who keep coming here to complain about their wedding party members not "pulling their weight," to be clear.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_tried-appease-everyone-now-3-moh-please-advise?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:9ef86bfe-b71d-4c4a-93f3-db80015719eaPost:c970d37a-54e2-4479-a8e4-fd63d86bd69d">Re: Tried to appease everyone, now have 3 MOH! Please advise</a>:
[QUOTE](this is what I,would do) would hv a sit dwn with the 2 co-maid of honors...and ask if the duties are too overwhelming..if so you totally understand and want everyone to have a good experience...let them know that u love them bunches, but u think its for the best that they pick up the duties of bm's..or send their blessings from the pew as guest...i would rather hv one really good moh..than two-half one that run the good one crzy til she quits..then what are you left with?? Two people that want the title but not the responsibilites... although I think ettitique says u cant fire people from wedding party (ur basically stuck)
Posted by joneka[/QUOTE]
Ugh, horrible advice.  (And hard to read.  Correct punctuation and capitalization are not a dead art, FYI.)

sweetcanadian1979

I don't understand how people can give such horrible advice when they obviously do not know how things work around here.

I had a bm drop out because she was mad that a friend not in the wedding party helped me with a couple baskets i was putting together (she was at my house & in no way was i going to offend her by saying she wasn't good enough, it was a damn basket). She also does not like that my bp have lives & do not get together often. She wants to be super involved & i have evolved from that thought being on tk so i rarely need help, i do it on my own. She also hated that i did not ask everyone for opinions, i have my fiance for that. Your FIANCE should be helping you.

I do not 100% agree with buy the dress & show up but that is ALL that is technically required of them. My ex bm hated that she was "doing" so much & no one else was, they told me to fire someone who has done nothing, i haven't, nor will i. People have different ideas about what is "required".

Your bm & moh are not cookie cutters, they do not fit in the same mold, trying to make them all "pull their weight" is absurd.

I have 1 that stands out above the rest, I have one that got a 2nd job at her job & is very busy. I have 1 that does nothing. The one that offers to do so much (i decline most of it but she comes shopping & stuff) will get something extra in private for me to show her my appreciation. Maybe you can do that for the one that stands out. Tell her to relax, she should be helping you because she wants too, it doesn't matter what anyone else is doing. 

MOH is just a title, it doesn't have any "duites" other than signing the marriage license.