Uneven wedding party?

clavavves

My fiance was very set on having 5 groomsmen plus his 7 year old brother as the ring bearer, so I grudgingly found 5 bridesmaids (I don't have many girl friends) and included my 14 year old sister and his 10 year olf sister as junior bridesmaids. Now, three of my bridesmaids have cancelled on me and I'm left with open spots and no heart to try to fill them. My fiance doesn't want to get rid of any of his groomsmen, should feelings get hurt, and wants me to add both our sisters as official bridesmaids (which I'm against). I don't think having a 10 and 14 year old walking next to 6" 22-24 year olds is very appropriate. Am I crazy or should I put them in? I'd still have one spot open. I'm just very confused!

Also, since my MOH was one of the ones that cancelled (I already had a MOH and MatronOH), I bumped up a bridesmaid to MOH but she's also married so she's technically also a matron. I've gotten closer to the one I bumped up since I asked her and want her to be the one to sign the marriage license. How can I make sure no one's feelings get hurt?

AddieCake

You don't need even sides, and it would be rude of your fiance to boot people from his side. If you've already asked the 10 and 14 year olds to be in the WP, it would be rude to kick them out as well. They are also already "official" bridesmaids. Calling them "Junior" is pointless and  does not change what they do. All bridesmaids do the same thing. If you think it's odd for them to walk with grown men, have your WP walk single file. The only people who need to pair up are the bride and groom.  Bumping up someone to MOH was also in poor taste. I didn't have a MOH; they are not requirements for a wedding. 

RaptorSLH

The "junior" title is unpopular here, but whatever you call them, if they're old enough to handle "wear this, walk here, stand here, walk back," they're old enough to be bridesmaids.  The age gap is not a problem.  If you find the height gap visually distracting, you can change the order of the walk, but all things considered it's a petty concern and shouldn't affect the composition of the wedding party.   

Do NOT ask your husband to bump people.  He's right, feelings would be hurt in a big way.

You don't need even sides.

You don't need a maid/matron of honor, (nor are you limited to one,) but it sounds like that's already been decided.

Ask who you want to sign the marriage license.  Don't bring it up with the people who weren't chosen.  If they ask, "It's already been arranged, thanks for asking.  I'm so glad you will be able to celebrate that day with us."

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_uneven-wedding-party-9?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:b394ae9a-af8e-4515-b994-8ef87a8d28bcPost:d096becf-9470-46cc-b04c-755ff2d2f58a">Uneven wedding party?</a>:
[QUOTE]My fiance was very set on having 5 groomsmen plus his 7 year old brother as the ring bearer, so<strong> I grudgingly found 5 bridesmaids</strong> (I don't have many girl friends) and included my 14 year old sister and his 10 year olf sister as junior bridesmaids. Now, three of my bridesmaids have cancelled on me and I'm left with open spots and no heart to try to fill them. <strong>My fiance doesn't want to get rid of any of his groomsmen, should feelings get hurt, and wants me to add both our sisters as official bridesmaids (which I'm against).</strong> I<strong> don't think having a 10 and 14 year old walking next to 6" 22-24 year olds is very appropriate</strong>. Am I crazy or should I put them in? I'd still have one spot open. I'm just very confused! Also, since my MOH was one of the ones that cancelled (I already had a MOH and MatronOH), <strong>I bumped up a bridesmaid to MOH but she's also married so she's technically also a matron. I've gotten closer to the one I bumped up since I asked her and want her to be the one to sign the marriage license</strong>. How can I make sure no one's feelings get hurt?
Posted by clavavves[/QUOTE]

1. I know that it looks nice for pictures and all, but really and truly, you and your FI do not need to have an even number of attendants.  This serves no purpose whatsoever.  You shouldn't have asked ladies that you are not close with to be bridesmaids.  Is this why they backed out?  I would be uncomfortable being a bridesmaid for someone who was not a close friend, to be honest.  Please do not add any more people to fill the "empty spots". 

2.  Your fiance is correct that it would be very rude an hurtful to "fire" any of his groomsmen just to keep the sides even.  These are his closest friends, and he should have them standing up with him, especially since he's already asked them to. 

3.  "Junior" bridesmaid doesn't really mean much of anything.  They don't have any duties, so there is no job description and therefore different titles are really not necessary.  It will not look strange for them to process down the aisle or stand next to older/taller ladies.  My good friend is engaged to a guy who is 6'4".  I'm only 5'4".  Should I not be in their wedding party because he towers over me?  It really doesn't make a lot of sense, IMO. 

4.  Anyone who witnesses the ceremony can sign the marriage license.  It should not be considered a slight to anyone who is not "chosen" to do so.  This decision is not a big deal, and it is not one that you need to make far in advance.  You can decide the day of your wedding rehearsal (if you have one) who you would like to sign the marriage license.  I would recommend that you do not ask anyone to do this now, in case you change your mind about it later.  Additionally, there is no need to reassign anyone's titles or shuffle their order in the wedding party.   

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE] My good friend is engaged to a guy who is 6'4".  I'm only 5'4".  Should I not be in their wedding party because he towers over me?[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>My bridesmaid and bridesman were a married couple.  She's my height, about 5', he's well over 6' (and a broad, bearded, bear of a man, who likes wearing tall cowboy hats.)  I have pictures of them standing next to each other in front, pictures of them dancing, pictures of him and me.  And yes, I get a chuckle out of the height difference, because I long ago decided to think me being short was funny, not frustrating.  But it's love that really comes through in the moment and the memories, and the pictures, because they're a wonderful couple, and wonderful friends.
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bucky2012

My advice would be to not worry about an uneven wedding party. FI decided who was important to him and who he wanted by his side and I did the same. He chose 5 groomsmen and I chose 4 bridesmaids. I had a few people remark about the uneven side, but I really think it is an old-fashioned notion. Think of the people who are important to you and don't force numbers.