No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay

spiment

So after some long and hard thought and conversations my fiance and I decided we don't want to officially do Bridal Party or Best Man/Maid of Honor.

Even though my two best friends wont *officially* be MoHs can I ask them to be there with me to get ready the morning of and invite the two of them to the Rehearsal Dinner? They both also live far away but can I ask/invite them to be there for the dress picking day whenever that happens? Is there atiquette associated with this that I don't know about?

lulu4150

if you want your girls to be a part of things that typically a BM would be a part of, why don't you want them to "officially" be in your WP?

spiment

There's a whole list of reasons we decided not to do Bridal Party but the main one is--we're having a 50 person wedding and anyone who isn't family would be in the bridal party so it's basically a moot point. And the fiance was opposed to the idea of two Best Men/Maid of Honors or an asymmetry and I decided it wasn't the biggest deal in the world to just not have them at all.

saric83

I think it's totally fine to ask them to be a part of those kinds of things!  Those aren't exclusive to a bridal party.  Obviously, if they don't want to/aren't able to attend the events, that's totally fine too, but there's nothing wrong with asking.  

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-moh-or-bms-is-this-set-up-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba416917-5767-4084-ac8e-5ab5aec21e47Post:4d2da0ae-e1be-4c90-abd5-b666bbd07550">Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay</a>:
[QUOTE]There's a whole list of reasons we decided not to do Bridal Party but the main one is--we're having a 50 person wedding and anyone who isn't family would be in the bridal party so it's basically a moot point.<strong> And the fiance was opposed to the idea of two Best Men/Maid of Honors or an asymmetry</strong> and I decided it wasn't the biggest deal in the world to just not have them at all.
Posted by spiment[/QUOTE]

<div>But he doesn't get a say in your side of the party, only his. What does he think will happen if you have two and he has none? I can assure him the wedding police won't show up to arrest you. I think if these ladies mean so much to you, you should have them as MsOH</div>

becky659

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-moh-or-bms-is-this-set-up-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba416917-5767-4084-ac8e-5ab5aec21e47Post:22fc051f-1b0e-4b05-988f-d4d6e6de3400">Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay : But he doesn't get a say in your side of the party, only his. What does he think will happen if you have two and he has none? I can assure him the wedding police won't show up to arrest you. I think if these ladies mean so much to you, you should have them as MsOH
Posted by artbyallie[/QUOTE]

OR, she could respect his wishes (as she's doing) and understand his reasoning for not wanting a wedding party.  I think he certainly does "get a say" in what the wedding will look like.

Anyway, I think that is perfectly acceptable.  I'm planning on including my aunt, our church group leader, as well as my good friends (who aren't BMs because my FI didn't want lots of GM or BMs) in the pre-wedding stuff.
As long as you express to these girls how much they mean to you, I'm sure it will be really meaningful for them.

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-moh-or-bms-is-this-set-up-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba416917-5767-4084-ac8e-5ab5aec21e47Post:a07f6ef7-76b2-4ffd-9734-7e4c1848f010">Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay : <strong>OR, she could respect his wishes (as she's doing) and understand his reasoning for not wanting a wedding party.  I think he certainly does "get a say" in what the wedding will look like</strong>. Anyway, I think that is perfectly acceptable.  I'm planning on including my aunt, our church group leader, as well as my good friends (who aren't BMs because my FI didn't want lots of GM or BMs) in the pre-wedding stuff. As long as you express to these girls how much they mean to you, I'm sure it will be really meaningful for them.
Posted by becky659[/QUOTE]

Yes, he does get a say in the wedding but he should not prevent her from including her two friends in the wedding party.  That is extremely rude of him to put looks (uneven sides/numbers) in front of her friendships with these two girls.  When it comes to wedding parties the groom picks his side and the bride picks her side. Period.

OP, if you decide not to have a wedding party but still want these girls to be there with you I don't think it would be odd at all.    These are your friends and if you want them to be there with you to experience this fun time then you have every right to invite them along whether they are BMs or not.

SarahPLiz

Its entirely fine to invite friends for your dress shopping and not have them in the WP. I had a WP (my 2 sisters) but both lived out of state. My  2 best in town friends went dress shopping with me. And my roommate from college came and got ready with us (she had a long drive in). 

ajmom2two

We are not having any wedding party.  My 3 closest friends are still getting ready with me in the morning and coming to the rehearsal.  They are like my family and we thought it would be fun to get ready for the wedding together.  

spiment

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_no-moh-or-bms-is-this-set-up-okay?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:ba416917-5767-4084-ac8e-5ab5aec21e47Post:a07f6ef7-76b2-4ffd-9734-7e4c1848f010">Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: No MOH or BMs - Is this set up okay : OR, she could respect his wishes (as she's doing) and understand his reasoning for not wanting a wedding party.  I think he certainly does "get a say" in what the wedding will look like. Anyway, I think that is perfectly acceptable.  I'm planning on including my aunt, our church group leader, as well as my good friends (who aren't BMs because my FI didn't want lots of GM or BMs) in the pre-wedding stuff. As long as you express to these girls how much they mean to you, I'm sure it will be really meaningful for them.
Posted by becky659[/QUOTE]

<div>Thanks for this since most people think I'm crazy for respecting his wishes. At the end of the day, he has always said he wants to elope so this whole wedding thing is a compromise between the big wedding and eloping. It's not MY day, it's our day, so I want to show my girls how much I love them while still taking his opinions into account.</div>