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Wedding Party

uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids

this came up actually on the attire board when asking about tuxedos but i thought I should ask here

I'm all set for my bridesmaids dress and my attire - all ordered and mostly in

My fiance still has not picked all of his groomsmen.  His brother is BM but hasnt picked the two others.

we're four months out and i wanted to get the tuxes and all picked out, but someone brought up that maybe we didnt need to have the same number of bridesmaids and groomsmen.  I've been to weddings before where there were more male attendants than female, but never the other way around. 

I dont want to nag him about it but he really needs to pick,  since we're getting close and people need to budget (and esp since ours is a wedding in my hometown and anyone he chooses would have to travel)  I think I might suggest to him that he chose and ask his groomsmen while im away this weekend and have it sorted out when I get back.  Then if he doenst have anything we just go with his brother as BM, and my three (MOH and two BMs).  This leaves us without anyone to serve as ushers but is that a problem?  any other thoughts on having just one best man and three bridesmaids?  I honestly think if i told him to pick this weeked or go with none then he'd choose people pretty quick, but if he honestly can't think of anyone he is that close with that he'd want them up there then I dont want to force him
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Re: uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids

  • You don't have to have even sides. The end. You can if you and FI want, but if he has no more people he wants to stand up for him, it's fine.

  • mbcdefgmbcdefg
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker 5 Love Its
    member
    What possible harm would come from uneven sides?

    If he wanted to ask anyone to join, he would've asked them by now. I don't mean this in a nasty tone, but he doesn't need you constantly reminding him of that. Let him pick who he wants, you pick who you want, and the numbers will wind up however they wind up. It'd be dumb of him to just choose two random guys solely for the sake of having even sides.
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  • Don't force him to ask anymore people if he is happy with who he has.  Uneven sides are fine and no one will really notice it anyway.  Remember your wedding party should be made up of people who you really want not random people to just to have even sides.
  • soccerella7soccerella7
    10 Comments
    member
    edited May 2011
    it woudlnt be random guys obviously - he has one in mind he wants to ask but just wont seem to do it. 

    he doesnt seem to realize that a wedding takes alot of planning and that there are a few things that he has to do

    I'm fine with it either way if he wants to ask people or not, just prefer he would decide either way soon so we can move on to the next step. I was more asking because if he doesnt have anyone else than that means there would be no ushers the day of and is that considered inappropriate, esp for an woman who may be unescorted
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg
    10000 Comments Combo Breaker 5 Love Its
    member
    it woudlnt be random guys obviously - he has one in mind he wants to ask but just wont seem to do it. 

    You'd be surprised at how many people come here stating that they've asked random people to fill in as bridal party members. Plus, my thinking from your post was that if he didn't already have some best friends in mind to ask, then he's probably not interested in asking them.

    he's just slacking in everything with wedding planning - he doesnt seem to realize that it takes alot of planning and that there are a few things that he has to do

    Like what? All the groomsmen really need to do is get the tux/suit and show up. If they're already coming to the wedding as guests, then this is just a minor extra step, and most tux shops can take care of this a month or two before the wedding. And you could easily add a few boutonnieres to your flower order within the month before the wedding, and your FI would be the one who'd need to get some gifts for them. A longer heads-up would be nice, sure, but you've still got time. Better he takes more time to think it over if he needs it, than rushing into something he might regret later.


    I'm fine with it either way if he wants to ask people or not, just prefer he would decide either way soon so we can move on to the next step. I was more asking because if he doesnt have anyone else than that means there would be no ushers the day of and is that considered inappropriate, esp for an woman who may be unescorted

    Why would it be inappropriate? It's 2011. Women can be doctors, politicians and soliders, and they can certainly walk in a wedding by themselves. Unless you're marrying into a culture or a religion where a woman must always be escorted by a man, this is not an issue in the slightest.
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  • In Response to Re: uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids:
    it woudlnt be random guys obviously - he has one in mind he wants to ask but just wont seem to do it.  he doesnt seem to realize that a wedding takes alot of planning and that there are a few things that he has to do I'm fine with it either way if he wants to ask people or not, just prefer he would decide either way soon so we can move on to the next step. I was more asking because if he doesnt have anyone else than that means there would be no ushers the day of and is that considered inappropriate, esp for an woman who may be unescorted
    Posted by soccerella7
    My FI is similar, he's asked his BM (who's a woman, but they decided to still use the term Best Man, so whatever) and one male cousin. Then he has another friend he keeps saying he'll ask, but he hasn't yet. We have lots of time still though, so there's no issue.

    Even sides are not necessary these days. If you want them even, fine, but if it doesn't matter to you, I think it's more meaningful to have people you love and care about rather than people to fill in numbers.

    As for having no ushers to seat the guests, I've honestly never been to a wedding where the ushers escorted their guests to the seats. Maybe it's more common in certain areas or something, but since I've never experiencedbeing seated by an usher I wouldn't worry about not having any. Plus, unless you have assigned seating for the ceremony, does it really matter? Or if it's important, can you ask someone else to take care of it?
  • In Response to Re: uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids:
    In Response to Re: uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids : My FI is similar, he's asked his BM (who's a woman, but they decided to still use the term Best Man, so whatever) and one male cousin. Then he has another friend he keeps saying he'll ask, but he hasn't yet. We have lots of time still though, so there's no issue. Even sides are not necessary these days. If you want them even, fine, but if it doesn't matter to you, I think it's more meaningful to have people you love and care about rather than people to fill in numbers. As for having no ushers to seat the guests, I've honestly never been to a wedding where the ushers escorted their guests to the seats. Maybe it's more common in certain areas or something, but since I've never experiencedbeing seated by an usher I wouldn't worry about not having any. Plus, unless you have assigned seating for the ceremony, does it really matter? Or if it's important, can you ask someone else to take care of it?
    Posted by Bonzo2011
    most weddings ive been to have had ushers and to be honest, I personally dont like the idea of having some guy I dont know escort me to my seat, while my fiance trails behind.  But I know alot of people (inclduing my family and his family members that do like it)  In any case I'm sure people can find seats in a big church and i'm sure someone will help the elderly women if they need it..... so i'll keep you guys posted as to what he decides to do!
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  • I'm a church organist, and at nearly every single wedding I play, the GMs double as ushers.  There really isn't a need for separate ushers/GM.

    My advice is stop nagging your FI about his WP.  And really, how many unescorted elderly women who are incapable of walking down an aisle themselves are you inviting?  I think you're digging for reasons now.

    My mom sang in her church choir until she was well into her 80's.  That required processing the length of the aisle while holding music and singing.  I have a couple of women in my church choir who are elderly.  They climb the steps to the choir loft themselves.

    Just because someone is "advanced" in years, please don't assume that they can't walk a 50 ft. aisle without some big strong young male to get them to their seat.  It's actually pretty insulting to women.

    But happy planning and good luck to you.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • I eventually had to make a "date" with my guy to sit down and discuss who we wanted in our party.  When it came down to it, we only have 4 people in the wedding party.  We are not having ushers or gift book attendees or anything like that. 

    As far as the sides being uneven....it's perfectly OK!  I've been to plenty of weddings like that. 

    Don't stress your guy out too much...not many men understand what all is involved in a wedding.  However, you should get this ironed out for piece of mind and so you don't have to make any last minute tux orders that cost your GMs more money.

  • In Response to Re: uneven number of groomsmen and bridesmaids:
    Don't force him to ask anymore people if he is happy with who he has.  Uneven sides are fine and no one will really notice it anyway.  Remember your wedding party should be made up of people who you really want not random people to just to have even sides.
    Posted by Maggie0829
    This.
    image Daisypath Anniversary tickers
  • One extra on either side looks just fine. Two extra...well, give your man time. Suggest your brother if he doesn't want anyone else. But he might just need time.
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