I just don't know what to do...

[Deleted User]

I am unsure of what to do and how to move forward and am hoping to find honest opinions from people outside of my personal situation... I have been friends with a girlfriend of mine since I was 5 years old. Over the years we have maintained a great friendship. Even though we go periods of time without talking or seeing one another, we always reconnect... When I found out she was engaged I was happy for her and envisioned that I would be a part of her special day... When I got engaged a few months later, my congratulations came along with a 'we need to coordinate wedding details'  (she heard that I wanted to use a color scheme that she was using, (I was unaware of this detail at the time)) ...

Anyway, our weddings will be exactly three weeks apart. I truely believed that this would be a blessing, we could bounce ideas off of one another, discuss the stresses of planning a wedding, attend bridal shows together and just be  t h e r e  for one another.... Well... Sadly.. This is not the case... I just found out through a mutual friend that she is only having 3 bridesmaids.... And I am not one of them.. She explains that her fiance doesn't have as many close friends and he doesn't want to invite people to be in the wedding, just to equal out numbers.. So she agreed to only have three (two relatives and our mutual friend)...

Being that I am getting married so close to her, it's hard for me to grasp this concept. Is your wedding day, not meant to be sharred with your closest friends and family? Why not just have the maid of honor walk by herself, why not have uneven numbers if you want someone to be a part of your special day? Do you feel that way as well?

And now the complicated question I am stuck asking myself... Do I ask her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding?

Peledreamsofrain

The first half of your post sounds exactly the same as my wedding and my ex-friend's wedding this year.

I too was overjoyed at the idea of planning together, having someone to talk to that wouldn't get sick of wedding stuff, etc.

I too was frozen out of my ex- friend's wedding.  My ex- friend lied and told me that she isn't having any bridesmaids at all.  Lo and behold 2 months later she has her roomate as her MOH (hateful woman who has threatened to move out several times because she hates the fiance).  To be shoved aside for her was devistating and confusing.  I spent weeks wracking my mind, replaying conversations so as to understand why this was happening.

I wouldn't be surprised if your friend continued the pattern just like my ex-friend did.  I wasn't allowed to help with any aspect of her wedding.  Down to being brushed off about laying sod at her parent's house.  I was willing to lay sod for her, FFS.

Some girls just get unspeakably angry about sharing THEIR wedding day/month/year. And being the passive aggressive products of our society, express themselves in the way you are seeing.  My ex-friend also chose to absolutely humiliate me during her bachelorette party, leave early from my bridal shower, and informed me (af the end of her bach party) that she and her MOH wouldn't stay for my Bach party the night it happened. 

Don't do what I did, and pull yourself emotionally over the coals about it.  Too much stress.  Focus on your wedding, and assume that she's not going to be a factor.  Your sanity will thank you.

Also, know that Karma exists.  My ex-friend got mono 5 days before her wedding.

mandi195

Without reading too much into it, I think you need to embrace the fact that her wedding will be what her and her FI decide on. Everyone here may have different opinions, but at the end of the day, it's their wedding and their choice.
Also, I would never exclude someone from being in your wedding simply because they didn't have you stand up in theirs. If you cannot see yourself getting married without her at your side, include her. If you don't care either way, don't.

OliveOilsMom

It's pretty crappy of her to exclude you for even numbers.  People have uneven WP all the time now.  But you should have your nearest and dearest in your BP, if she falls into this category, then ask her.

Yes, it sucks that she didn't ask you.  But you just have to get over it.  Try not to take it too personally.  If she in general begins to be distant or different, it could be that the friendship has run its course.  Even knowing someone since they were 5, this happens.

mysi019

I would really sit down and ask yourself if you couldnt imagine this day without her by yourside. I had to recently do that as, my Fi and I decided to have 6 stand each for us. And becasuse I had 7 girls ( 2 were our sisters) i had to figure out who I would not ask. I went through everyone and one girls whose wedding I was in 7 years ago stuck out to me. I came to the realization that I was more upset that she would  be upset about not being a bridemsaid then I was about her not being by myside. All the other girls I knew I couldnt imagine them not being there.. And I was right she was hurt, and asked me why I couldnt just have 7 and him have 6. I know that you can have uneven numbers but I DIDNT want uneven numbers. I am fine wth my desicsion because its what is best for me. You need to figure out what is best for you and only you. Dont not have her just because she isnt having you. And dont ask her if you not sure.  Because even though it was stated that you cant uninvite a bridesmaid-you abslutely can. I just wouldnt suggest it.

[Deleted User]

Thank you all for your wonderful feedback. I think that I am going to sit on it for a while. I have  11 months till my wedding and am still unsure of how I feel and what I would like to do. I am stuggling with the fact that I feel she is using the numbers as a crutch to cut me out. I wish if she didn't want me to be a part of her wedding day that she would just state that. We have grown apart and I think that if she wanted me to be a part of her wedding she would have asked. I think that she is placing blame on her fiance and hidding behind that fact instead of the idea that maybe we have grown apart and she doesn't see me as someone she wants standing by her side on her wedding day.