Underage Bridesmaid

mrsheeres

I am the MOH for my sister-in-law (hubby's sister.) Her youngest sister will only be 16 at the time of the wedding, so I'm hitting a brick wall trying to plan the bachelorette party. Everyone, including the bride, wants to PARTY for the party but we need to include the underage sister. I'm hesitant to go out to a restaurant/bar where she can come and then later go out to a bar or nightclub. I'm pretty sure she will throw a fit because she was purposely "excluded." Any ideas?

mrsamyjones

I got some ideas from the etiquette board girls, and they suggested something like a spa day where all the girls can go relax and have plenty of that girly goofy antics. I think this would be a great way to have a special day including everyone. And you can always drink at the spa and the little sister can have mock-tails

banana468

Spa day or a ladies night out "in" at someone's home may be the best idea.

And then if people are set on going to a bar, tell them that it needs to be a night other than the bachelorette.

emilykathleen511

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc0409dd-c22a-4f3c-97f0-b910218537f4Post:4bd24469-7356-4d9f-bbde-f8a064ec1534">Underage Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I am the MOH for my sister-in-law (hubby's sister.) Her youngest sister will only be 16 at the time of the wedding, so I'm hitting a brick wall trying to plan the bachelorette party. Everyone, including the bride, wants to PARTY for the party but we need to include the underage sister. I'm hesitant to go out to a restaurant/bar where she can come and then later go out to a bar or nightclub. I'm pretty sure she will throw a fit because she was purposely "excluded." Any ideas?
Posted by mrsheeres[/QUOTE]

I think your original plan is okay. Another option (and maybe better under the circumstances) is to stay home and have a fun party at home. You can still have drinks and dancing and whatever else you want, but then you could include the sister. Another option would be maybe a day at the spa followed by a dual grill and bar where she would be allowed. But, if you all have your hearts set on clubbing and such, then you will just have to weigh what is more important...including the sister or <em>partying</em>.

lilcassers

Why does she have to be at the bachelorette party? This is for adults to party it up before a wedding... something a young teen is usually never involved in and not expected to be. But the above post is a good idea about having a spa party. If you still want to party it up, I would choose another night for you gals to go to the bars. This way the teen won't feel lef out of everything.

mrsheeres

Thanks, everyone, for your advice!

megk8oz

A friend of mine got married 2 summers ago, the MOH was 19 and one of the BMs (bride's cousin) was 15. A lot of the "clubs" and "party" places in my area are 21 and over to enter, which everybody else involved would have been old enough, but clearly not fair. The MOH actually asked me to help her come up with something everybody could do, and we wound up going to the movies, having a really nice dinner, and then went cosmic bowling. Everybody had fun and nobody was left out.

blackfire5th

My SIL was only 20 at the time of the wedding and my cousin was 17.  We went to Red Robin for dinner (good drinks for those over 21 and under 21) and then we all went to a place called Fort Fun where we did bumper boats, go cars, laser tag, mini golf, etc.  It was a blast!

Santorini2011

Let her throw a fit!  It is the bride's party.  Talk to the girl's mother first to help calm the waters.  I would do a fun restaurant (maybe Morrocan???) and then have the girl go home while you guys hit the bars.

vgmartinez

Have a spa day to include the underage bridesmaid. Then plan a separate night for the adults. At 16, she should not be throwing fits for not being able to go out with adults.

emilykathleen511

I'm noticing a trend...those with fewer than 200 posts don't give a crap if one of the bridesmaids is left out, everyone else does...hmm. Interesting.

Also, if you decide to do a spa day followed by dinner or bowling or whatever, then on a different day go out clubbing, please do not call the clubbing night a "bachelorette party." Just call it a ladies night out. You can still do bachelorette kind of stuff if you want, but this would probably spare feelings. And try not to talk about it too much in front of the sister. Don't try to hide it or anything, but don't turn it into a big thing. Just my humble opinion.

mbcdefg

I'll also vote for a rated-G party that includes everyone (spa, dinner, movies, handbag party, makeovers), and then a girls' night out on another separate night for the adults with drinks and dancing.

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc0409dd-c22a-4f3c-97f0-b910218537f4Post:d2d47396-e582-46d0-af64-72cea0694911">Re: Underage Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm noticing a trend...those with fewer than 200 posts don't give a crap if one of the bridesmaids is left out, everyone else does...hmm. Interesting.
Posted by emilykathleen511[/QUOTE]

That IS a very interesting point.<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-laughing.gif" border="0" alt="Laughing" title="Laughing" />

stina93446

I threw a B party where there were multiple 20 year olds. We did a sleepover with wedding movies and yummy snacks. The next night, the older ladies went out to a Drag show. It worked out well.

blackfire5th

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc0409dd-c22a-4f3c-97f0-b910218537f4Post:ab338862-9eba-4a24-b4fe-4ab2b9dff199">Re: Underage Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Let her throw a fit!  It is the bride's party.  Talk to the girl's mother first to help calm the waters.  I would do a fun restaurant (maybe Morrocan???) and then have the girl go home while you guys hit the bars.
Posted by Santorini2011[/QUOTE]

You're right, it is for the bride and not for the girl planning it.  I would have been pissed if someone had planned a b-party that excluded some of my bm.  Obviously this underage girl is important to the bride.  If having an over 21 b-party was more important to the birde than these girls, she would not have had them in the bridal party.

banana468

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc0409dd-c22a-4f3c-97f0-b910218537f4Post:ab338862-9eba-4a24-b4fe-4ab2b9dff199">Re: Underage Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Let her throw a fit!  It is the bride's party.  Talk to the girl's mother first to help calm the waters.  I would do a fun restaurant (maybe Morrocan???) and then have the girl go home while you guys hit the bars.
Posted by Santorini2011[/QUOTE]


Seriously?  If I had an underage attendant, I wouldn't feel like my friends were honoring me AT ALL if they knowingly created a party that excluded one of my siblings.

Now if the bride isn't close to her sister at all it's one thing however that she's even being thought of tells me that's not the case and that to exclude her would be acting as a bad friend to the BRIDE.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_underage-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:bc0409dd-c22a-4f3c-97f0-b910218537f4Post:ab338862-9eba-4a24-b4fe-4ab2b9dff199">Re: Underage Bridesmaid</a>:
[QUOTE]Let her throw a fit!  It is the bride's party.  Talk to the girl's mother first to help calm the waters.  I would do a fun restaurant (maybe Morrocan???) and then have the girl go home while you guys hit the bars.
Posted by Santorini2011[/QUOTE]

I'm sorry, I'm cracking up over this one. Not only is it totally off the mark (NO, do not blow off the bride's sister and NO, do not go through her mom, she's 16, not 6), but the suggestion of Moroccan food seems so random! I'm sure it's delicious, but it just struck me as a funny type of food to think of first.

AmandaS23

One of my bridesmaids is 16 and if I was having a b-party I would be ticked if she was left out.  After all, if she's important enough to be a bridesmaid, then she's important enough to be involved in the b-party. 

kmm2150

I threw/co-hosted my friend's b-party with her sister who was in highschool at the time, and other guests included future sisters-in-law who were both underage (but old enough to go to a party where there is alcohol present and not be uncomfortable - I would not have included them if they were really young).  We went to dinner and then to someone's house where there were adult and non-alcoholic beverages, played silly games and drinking games, and it was really fun.  I also think this sort of thing is easier than trying to hang out with 30 girls at a loud club where no one actually gets to visit with the bride.  Do something that includes everyone, and the people who really need to go to a club can go out another night that is not an "official" wedding related event.

jenn.daniel

Go to a bar/restaurant, like you said, with everyone.  Go home for a while for silly games or whatever, and conclude with a semi-sober run to the store to buy ice cream.  Do the hard-core partying another night.  If she’s already had a WHOLE night with the girls, she should be fine.