Wedding Party

Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?

I asked a pretty good friend to be our guest book attendant at our wedding. My sister insists that we order him a boutonniere and get him a "thank you" gift like the grooms men. I'm not sure all of this is necessary, but don't want to be rude to him. What do you guys think?
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Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?

  • First off, guest book attendant is not an honor. But if you insist on having someone do this job, YES, get him a gift. A bout AND a gift would be nice.
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  • In Response to Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    I asked a pretty good friend to be our guest book attendant at our wedding. My sister insists that we order him a boutonniere and get him a "thank you" gift like the grooms men. I'm not sure all of this is necessary, but don't want to be rude to him. What do you guys think?
    Posted by errigan
    Yeah, a paycheck. Guest book attendant is a job, not an honor.

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
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    I wouldn't ask anyone over 10 to be a guest book attendant.  It's a pretty demeaning job for an adult.  

    So yes, if you are going to put a person through that, get them a gift.  You'll probably also want to get them a flask full of booze to make the crappy job seem less crappy.  
  • Guestbook attendant is not an honor, it is a chore.  Uber lame.

    Since you asked him to do such a crappy and stupid job I would most def. get him AT LEAST a flower and a gift.

    Or, actually give him something of honor to do (like a reading) and hope your guests are smart enough to understand what to do with your guestbook.

  • When I was a guest book attendant, I was treated as one of the bridesmaids in everything except our attire and the actual duties at the ceremony.  I was given the same gift, invited to the bridesmaid luncheon, got ready with all of the girls, etc. etc.  The only differences were: I had a corsage instead of a bouquet, I got to wear a dress and shoes of my choosing, and instead of standing at the altar for 30 minutes holding a bouquet, I stood at the door for 30 minutes holding a pen.

    So if you really want to honor him, treat him like he's a groomsman.  And don't make him work at the reception, that's when it starts to descend from honor into suckitude.  As with anyone else in the wedding, he should be "off duty" once the ceremony ends.
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  • xoxobxoxob
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    He's a good friend who is doing you a super boring and mundane favor? Yes, I think you should get him a gift.
  • What does a guest book attendant do anyway? Is it like on Sex and the City where they just try to get people to sign the guest book? If so then YES get him a gift! He's doing the job that a sign could do. He deserves some love.
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  • Pixie, YES, the guest book "job" is just that. They stand by the book and ask people to sign it. A sign could totally do this job. And it sucks for the person assigned to do it because they do it during the reception too.
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  • Thanks Stina!

    THEY DO IT AT THE RECEPTION TOO!!?? That is NOT okay. If I were asked to miss reception fun to do that I'd probably spend my time writing terrible things in the guest book for my "friend" to read later.
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  • Wow! You guys are brutal! Let me clarify... he did this at a friend's wedding and in a round about way pretty much volunteered to do it at mine. So the term "asked him to do it” is used loosely.  Not quite sure why everyone had such a violent reaction to this question. Most of the wedding sites say that this is a nice way to honor someone. After all, they will be one of the first people your guests see and speak to when they arrive. I’d feel pretty good if someone asked ME to do that job. It requires that you have trust and confidence in the person and that they have a great personality. I obviously wouldn’t have him do this if I thought he would be miserable. And I only expect him to stand there for 30 minutes tops. After that he gets to enjoy the ceremony and party with the rest of us!   Why does everyone have a bug up their you-know-what about manning the guest book? I would think it would be fun to do that and greet people, but apparently that’s just me!  

    Anyway… I was simply asking what protocol is for this as I haven’t done this whole wedding thing before and wanted some CONSTRUCTIVE advice. I’ve never heard of getting the guest book attendant a thank you gift and that is why I didn’t know if it was necessary BUT I didn’t want to be rude to him and that’s why I came to you guys. So jeez… cut a girl some slack!  I obviously already asked him to do this job so it isn’t necessary to talk down to me and make me feel bad about it now!
     

    Thanks to everyone who gave positive feedback!

  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited April 2010
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    Wow! You guys are brutal! Let me clarify... he did this at a friend's wedding and in a round about way pretty much volunteered to do it at mine. So the term "asked him to do it” is used loosely.   Not quite sure why everyone had such a violent reaction to this question. Most of the wedding sites say that this is a nice way to honor someone. After all, they will be one of the first people your guests see and speak to when they arrive. I’d feel pretty good if someone asked ME to do that job. It requires that you have trust and confidence in the person and that they have a great personality. I obviously wouldn’t have him do this if I thought he would be miserable. And I only expect him to stand there for 30 minutes tops. After that he gets to enjoy the ceremony and party with the rest of us!     Why does everyone have a bug up their you-know-what about manning the guest book? I would think it would be fun to do that and greet people, but apparently that’s just me!   Anyway… I was simply asking what protocol is for this as I haven’t done this whole wedding thing before and wanted some CONSTRUCTIVE advice. I’ve never heard of getting the guest book attendant a thank you gift and that is why I didn’t know if it was necessary BUT I didn’t want to be rude to him and that’s why I came to you guys. So jeez… cut a girl some slack!   I obviously already asked him to do this job so it isn’t necessary to talk down to me and make me feel bad about it now!   Thanks to everyone who gave positive feedback!
    Posted by errigan
    I sure don't see where anyone was violent.  Would you care to point that out?  If you want constructive advice, you got it.  Don't give people crappy jobs.  Protocol is not to pretend like you are honoring someone with a job that a sign could do.

    Clearly, you aren't looking for constructive or honest advice, nor are you looking to avoid being rude as you asked in your OP.  You are looking for someone to validate your crappy idea.
    chachachelsea
  • xoxobxoxob
    1000 Comments
    member
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift? : I sure don't see where anyone was violent.  Would you care to point that out?  If you want constructive advice, you got it.  Don't give people crappy jobs.  Protocol is not to pretend like you are honoring someone with a job that a sign could do. Clearly, you aren't looking for constructive or honest advice, nor are you looking to avoid being rude as you asked in your OP.  You are looking for someone to validate your crappy idea.
    Posted by MyNameIsNot

    Hear, hear!
  • So you want us to lie to you and let you be rude to your friend? Um, if you want us to, I guess we could. I don't really see a good reason for it....
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  • I'm pretty sure "don't give people your crap jobs" is constructive advice.
  • Didn't you ever learn that if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all? He's totally happy to be doing this for us so making assumptions about how he feels about it or what I expect of him IS kind of crappy. You could have asked me what I expected of him or how HE felt about doing this if you really felt the need to give your opinions on it to rescue him from such a HORRIBLE fate. You guys don't know me or him so it just all struck me as kind of... mean. And yeah… I feel it kind of unnecessary to imply that I purposely am trying to make my friends miserable or that my guests are too stupid to know how to sign a guest book. I thought I would simply ask advice on if you're supposed to get a gift or not. That’s what I wanted a constructive answer on. There are ways of saying “Yes. I think a gift would be appropriate in this case” without being flat out rude. That would have been exactly what I was looking for. I’m not looking for people to AGREE with NOT getting him a gift. Jeez. I didn't create a poll on how many people think having a guest book attendant is awful and demeaning. Would you tell someone who already bought her dream wedding dress that it was hideous and ugly? Probably not. So why would you tell someone who already has a guest book attendant (who, incase this hasn’t been made clear yet, is happy to do it) that it is awful, crappy, lame and demeaning? It’s kind of a personal choice and he IS my friend and I’m not in the habit of being mean to my friends. So yeah… I took the comments a bit personally. I’m not freaking out or anything about it, but I just find it hard to understand why people are so offendingly blunt to strangers. If that's your thing then fine.. that's your thing but I don't need the negativity so... forget I asked.

  • In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    First off, guest book attendant is not an honor. But if you insist on having someone do this job, YES, get him a gift. A bout AND a gift would be nice.
    Posted by stina93446
    How is THIS not constructive?
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    Didn't you ever learn that if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all? He's totally happy to be doing this for us so making assumptions about how he feels about it or what I expect of him IS kind of crappy. You could have asked me what I expected of him or how HE felt about doing this if you really felt the need to give your opinions on it to rescue him from such a HORRIBLE fate. You guys don't know me or him so it just all struck me as kind of... mean. And yeah… I feel it kind of unnecessary to imply that I purposely am trying to make my friends miserable or that my guests are too stupid to know how to sign a guest book. I thought I would simply ask advice on if you're supposed to get a gift or not. That’s what I wanted a constructive answer on. There are ways of saying “Yes. I think a gift would be appropriate in this case” without being flat out rude. That would have been exactly what I was looking for. I’m not looking for people to AGREE with NOT getting him a gift. Jeez. I didn't create a poll on how many people think having a guest book attendant is awful and demeaning. Would you tell someone who already bought her dream wedding dress that it was hideous and ugly? Probably not. So why would you tell someone who already has a guest book attendant (who, incase this hasn’t been made clear yet, is happy to do it) that it is awful, crappy, lame and demeaning? It’s kind of a personal choice and he IS my friend and I’m not in the habit of being mean to my friends. So yeah… I took the comments a bit personally. I’m not freaking out or anything about it, but I just find it hard to understand why people are so offendingly blunt to strangers. If that's your thing then fine.. that's your thing but I don't need the negativity so... forget I asked.
    Posted by errigan

    You just don't get it.  He's not going to tell you how insulting this is, because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.  But it is insulting to give a person a job that a sign could do.  It's boring, annoying, and nothing like an honor at all.  If you really cared about the guy, he would have been a groomsman, usher, or reader.  

    This board is known for honest answers.  There is no negativity anywhere in this post (except maybe your attacks) but tons of honesty.  If you can't handle that, you're in the wrong place.  

    Having a guest book attendant is a bad idea.  If you can't get past that, just go on with your head up your ass and keep on giving people crappy jobs.  But if you care, and want to treat your friends with a little respect and decency, listen to what the posters have said.  Everyone is here trying to help you avoid making a mistake.  

  • To answer your original question, YES get him a gift. Even if he volunteered for the job. Anyone that helps you with your wedding should get something.
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  • I did say thank you to the people who gave positive feedback. I didn't say that yours was negative. Some other comments were a little unnecessary and I DID ask this question because I DIDN'T want to be rude to my friend. Not because I wanted people to agree with me OR make me feel bad about my choice to HAVE a guest book attendant. That's all.
  • In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift? : You just don't get it.  He's not going to tell you how insulting this is, because he doesn't want to hurt your feelings.  But it is insulting to give a person a job that a sign could do.  It's boring, annoying, and nothing like an honor at all.  If you really cared about the guy, he would have been a groomsman, usher, or reader.   This board is known for honest answers.  There is no negativity anywhere in this post (except maybe your attacks) but tons of honesty.  If you can't handle that, you're in the wrong place.   Having a guest book attendant is a bad idea.  If you can't get past that, just go on with your head up your ass and keep on giving people crappy jobs.  But if you care, and want to treat your friends with a little respect and decency, listen to what the posters have said.  Everyone is here trying to help you avoid making a mistake.  
    Posted by MyNameIsNot
    How is THIS not NEGATIVE. I think telling someone they have their head up thier ass is pretty NEGATIVE. And maybe you should pay attention to the fact that he WANTED to do this and offered to do this for us. If you can't be nice... mind your own business.
  • Well, you're on the internet. You can't control what people write to you. And yes, this board is very honest. Even if it's harsh or brutal, they're telling you so that you don't make a faux pas and piss people off at your wedding. It's a lot easier to remember a crappy wedding than an awesome one. So have a thick skin and just take it for what it is, advice.
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  • Didn't you ever learn that if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all?

    See this is why you should lurk before posting. Being a newbie I've been mostly lurking for now and one of the things I've learned is that you shouldn't post if you don't want an honest and direct answer!!! You also would have learned that having a guestbook person generally results in a "ick" response. So you would have expected a little flak over it!

    (What I have not learned is how to post a quote and make it blue in the background... help?)
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  • xoxobxoxob
    1000 Comments
    member
    edited April 2010
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift? : How is THIS not NEGATIVE. I think telling someone they have their head up thier ass is pretty NEGATIVE. And maybe you should pay attention to the fact that he WANTED to do this and offered to do this for us. If you can't be nice... mind your own business.
    Posted by errigan
    Stop being so defensive. Everyone told you get him a gift as a thank you for: missing out on all the fun and having to stand there like a butler with a pen.

    It's "kind of your personal choice" to treat your guests as servants. We're cool with it becasue we don't have to go to your wedding, but for about the 15th time: YES GET HIM A GIFT. Maybe like...scholl's insoles or something, since he is going to have to be standing there all night.
  • In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    (What I have not learned is how to post a quote and make it blue in the background... help?)
    Posted by pixiedust84
    Pixie, it's the quote word below the posts.
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift?:
    In Response to Re: Do I get my guest book attendant a gift? : How is THIS not NEGATIVE. I think telling someone they have their head up thier ass is pretty NEGATIVE. And maybe you should pay attention to the fact that he WANTED to do this and offered to do this for us. If you can't be nice... mind your own business.
    Posted by errigan
    Nope, I'm pretty positive about that.  If this many people are telling you that having someone do this is a bad idea, but you choose to do it anyway, I can't think of what else to call it.  

    I saw that he volunteered.  Even volunteering, I wouldn't ask someone to do such a crappy job.  I mean, my BM offered to wipe my butt, but I'm sure not going to take her up on it!  She offered because she felt she should, not because she really wanted to.  But, he's your friend.  If you're ok with treating him like this, that's your business.  

    Pixie, push the "quote" button below the siggy.  
  • I don't feel like touching the OP since it's not going anywhere and everything I would have said has already been covered.  OP, for someone who wants only positive answers (which you cannot guaruntee on a public forum) your followup posts have not been terribly kind and positive.  You've gotten very good advice.

    Didn't you ever learn that if you don’t have anything nice to say you shouldn’t say anything at all? See this is why you should lurk before posting. Being a newbie I've been mostly lurking for now and one of the things I've learned is that you shouldn't post if you don't want an honest and direct answer!!! You also would have learned that having a guestbook person generally results in a "ick" response. So you would have expected a little flak over it! (What I have not learned is how to post a quote and make it blue in the background... help?)
    Posted by pixiedust84
    Hit the Quote button at the end of the post you want to quote.  Or copy and paste it and type [*QUOTE*] at the beginning and [*/QUOTE*] at the end but without the *s.
  • You received GREAT advice.

    Being a guestbook attendant is viewed by many to be a job.  So your friend may be cool with it but be prepared that many guests will wonder, "Why on earth do they have the dude telling us to do something that we know to do?  Take the pen and sign the thing!"  It's just not that hard.

    And you can't compare it to buying the dress.  The dress is an article of clothing and the guestbook attendant is a person.  Articles of clothing don't have feelings - comparison flawed.

    But if he's honestly cool with it then be fine with it.  Just know that many will think that it's not a cool thing to do and some of those people may be your wedding guests - so make sure that the guy knows you totally appreciate all his efforts by purchasing him a fantastic gift.
  • "back in the day" everyone had guest book attendants and it would have been thought odd not to have.  I didn't mind it, got to see everyone coming in to the wedding and talk to them and usually I knew most of them.  I did this for cousins and friends.

    As far as doing the guest book at the reception? Never. Not once. The bride and bridesmaid would show up at the sanctuary door which was my queue to go sit down and I was done.

    If you are having a guest book attendant:
    a) get them a flower
    b) get them a gift
    c) tell them what to do with the guest book after the wedding, whether it is take it to the reception or put it with your clothes in your changing room or deliver it to your mom's house the next day.  If you're having a guest book, then you'll want to know where it's at.

    Personally, I think guest books are a waste because really - how often do you think you'll ever look at it?  I have the one from my great grandparents 50th wedding anniversary from when I was 2.  Do you want someone to inherit your guest book?  I hate to throw it out but yet - what the heck do I need it for?  That sucker is now 51 years old.  Shut it, I know what you are thinking. I am that old.
  •  it seems like this comes up as an issue quite a lot.  Some view guestbook attendant as an honor, and some see it as a job.  In my area, it is an honor.  This person greets the guests, welcomes them, and asks them to sign the guestbook.  People can easily ignore and/or not see a guestbook sign.  But, they cannot as easily ignore a real life person.

    My friend was more than happy to do this for me, and loved every moment of it.  Part of it was because I put together a photo book for guests to sign from our engagement photos.  So, though a sign could handle a normal book, it helped having someone there to point out that people needed to spread out their signatures and not stand there too long looking at the pictures. 

    I did get them a gift, so yes, give them a gift and a corsage/bout.
  • HawaiinTX--That's what we're doing for my GB, too. I wasn't going to have a GB at all until I heard the photo album idea! It was just delivered to me a couple weeks ago. So exciting! :)
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