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ncoll049

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trix1223

Oh Lord.  Please read the other posts on this topic.  The answers are all there for you.

bablingbrooke

Doesn't ANYONE lurk before posting?  Or is everyone a beautiful and unique snowflake and the usual advice doesn't apply to their special situation?

Please don't make decisions based on a certain number of "slots".  If you have 3 and he has 2 that's fine.  Sides can be uneven--I had uneven sides and my usually-anal-about-this-sort-of-thing DH and MIL had no problem; if they, the two most OCD people I've ever met, can get over it, trust me, you can get over it.

Second, since it's causing family drama to NOT ask one of his sisters, just ask her.  While I agree it's "your" wedding, this will also be "your" family for the rest of your life.  As someone who had the obligatory family member in the WP, I assure you it's not the end of the world to include someone who you WILL be dealing with forever.  Fair?  No.  But learning to be the bigger person now will serve you well in the future.

Third, don't don't DON'T pick BMs based on who you ASSUME will or will not help you plan.  You're only setting yourself up for disappointment by doing so.  BMs are NOT wedding planners.  Throw out that hogwash the wedding industry wants you to buy into.  If a BM does nothing more than buy her dress and show up, she hasn't failed as a BM.  Some BMs can't help plan (they're OOT or don't have the money or the time) and some BMs choose not to plan (they aren't wedding people in general).  That doesn't make them bad friends or bad people or bad BMs.  The more you approach things as gifts rather than entitlements, the happier and less stressed out you will be.

mbcdefg

Your bio says that your wedding isn't until August 2011. So WAIT WAIT WAIT to pick your attendants. I would not make any decisions, or talk to anyone about this, until maybe this fall. You have a LOT of time and a LOT could happen before your wedding ... plus, there is no need to ask people this early out.

When the time comes (LATER THIS YEAR), pick the people that you are each close to. Numbers do not matter, even sides do not matter, gender does not matter. Don't act like you're filling slots, because you're not. You're honoring your closest friends. Just say to yourselves, "Who are we closest to?" Then pick those people.

If someone isn't chosen and doesn't like it, tough. They need to deal with it. HOWEVER, you should really think it over when asking some siblings and excluding other siblings. You're ultimately entitled to ask whomever you want, but remember that siblings will be your siblings forever ... and if it'll cause hard feelings to leave someone out, then it might be best to just ask them to keep the peace. Especially considering they have to do nothing more than get the outfit and stand there during the ceremony (if anyone WANTS to do more, awesome, but otherwise this is all that's required of them).

megk8oz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:c2402d9d-1f12-425f-b6db-4e71874d0934Post:144e6bfc-d481-45ac-8784-0e31dda9229c">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! Please HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Doesn't ANYONE lurk before posting?  Or is everyone a beautiful and unique snowflake and the usual advice doesn't apply to their special situation?
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Answer to question 1) No
Answer to question 2) Duh, yes!

Seriously, we get some variation of this question at LEAST twice a day.

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c2402d9d-1f12-425f-b6db-4e71874d0934Post:144e6bfc-d481-45ac-8784-0e31dda9229c">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! Please HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Please don't make decisions based on a certain number of "slots".  If you have 3 and he has 2 that's fine.  Sides can be uneven--I had uneven sides and my usually-anal-about-this-sort-of-thing DH and MIL had no problem; if they, the two most OCD people I've ever met, can get over it, trust me, you can get over it.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

Don't you listen to her, OP! Everybody knows if your sides aren't even then the marriage won't be legal in 48 of the 50 states and all of your children will be born with wonky eyes. I swear to God they will.

bablingbrooke

Ziti, thank GOD DH and I live in the 49th state where our unholy marriage is recognized!  

emilyinchile

Everyone is not a unique snowflake in situations like this. General rules of how to treat people apply in 99% of the cases.

OP, it's family, so path of least resistance - if this sister will be hurt by not being included, just do it either as a BM or groomswoman. Who cares if you and FI don't like her, she's family, and it's not like you have to be best friends...just deal with her standing near you during the ceremony and pictures. If the sister doesn't care, tell FMIL that you are all grown-ups who've taken care of the situation. And stop being so worried about even sides, ask people not slot-fillers.

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c2402d9d-1f12-425f-b6db-4e71874d0934Post:5a6d7769-53fb-4070-96d9-47eb9c566661">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! Please HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Everyone is a unique and beautiful snowflake and we shouldn't yell at people trying to get advice.

Posted by jms1019[/QUOTE]

*snort*

aerinpegadrak

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-dilemma-please?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c2402d9d-1f12-425f-b6db-4e71874d0934Post:ef14a8fa-42fb-49a5-aaa2-a3765e999a07">Re: Bridesmaid Dilemma!! Please HELP!!!</a>:
[QUOTE]What if the deployed GM returns unexpectedly? You'll have to kick someone out.
Posted by KittyW11[/QUOTE]
Um, no you won't.  That logic does not compute.

And people get tired of answering the same damn questions over and over again.  The question's been answered, and new people continuing to ask it will not get a different answer.

mininickle

geez people, if you're so tired of seeing and answering the questions then don't see or answer it. I understand it's the proper thing to check out what questions have been asked and answered before but I know you guys have more of a life than these forumns. Come on.