Choosing bridesmaids

flutefish

Hello all,

We are planning to have a small wedding (expecting around 50 to actually show up), and my fiance is thinking he would probably like to have only a best man. I, on the other hand, have four or five dear friends whom I could all see as bridesmaids, but that would mean some 10% of our guests are standing up with us (and our ceremony site is already far bigger than we need!). In some cases, they would probably be hurt if not included in at least some fashion, so I was wondering if anyone had suggestions on whether to include them all, or else how to honor non-bridesmaids.

Possibilities that have occurred to us are having them all walk with me as bridesmaids but sit in the audience (is that weird?), having them give a toast at the reception (they don't necessarily all know each other), or just including them in pictures beforehand, but I don't know what would best make them feel they are important to me.

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

trix1223

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_choosing-bridesmaids-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:c4dc5da4-9a12-4abe-972e-1c1d0532681fPost:fade6a0b-b217-485e-b7aa-c271782da7e6">Choosing bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello all, We are planning to have a small wedding (expecting around 50 to actually show up), and my fiance is thinking he would probably like to have only a best man. I, on the other hand, have four or five dear friends whom I could all see as bridesmaids, but that would mean some 10% of our guests are standing up with us (and our ceremony site is already far bigger than we need!). In some cases, they would probably be hurt if not included in at least some fashion, so I was wondering if anyone had suggestions on whether to include them all, or else how to honor non-bridesmaids. Possibilities that have occurred to us are having them all walk with me as bridesmaids but sit in the audience (is that weird?), having them give a toast at the reception (they don't necessarily all know each other), or just including them in pictures beforehand, but I don't know what would best make them feel they are important to me. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Posted by flutefish[/QUOTE]

The idea that somehow a WP has to be proportional to your guest list is just specious.  If you can't imagine getting married without these women standing beside you, then have them.

Your friends will know that other "non-BM" roles are really just consolation prizes, for lack of a better term.  Cake cutters, program hander-outers, guestbook attendants, bubble passers, gift table watchers, "personal attendants" are all unneccessary jobs and aren't at all needed.

If you have your friends walk down the aisle before you during the processional, they're bridesmaids, even if you have them sit together as a group.

Toasts are offered to the couple, not requested BY the couple.  I'd be reluctant to advise you to ask them to deliver toasts.

Remember, being a guest at a wedding IS an honor.  Your friends know you love them.  Invite them to your wedding.  Have a photo taken of all of you.  Invite them to your b-party.  But please, don't make up jobs in the hope that they'll feel included.  I'm afraid they'll just feel used.

Think of it from your own POV:  Your friend is getting married.  You have two choices:  you can enjoy the food, drinks, dancing, and party;  OR you can stand by a guest book and tell people who know to pick up a pen and sign their names, to pick up a pen and sign their names.  Which would YOU enjoy more?

Good luck.

mbcdefg

You don't need to ratio your attendants to your guest list or keep the sides even. If your FI only wants a Best Man, and you want four or five bridesmaids, then that's fine.

I can understand them being disappointed if you choose to have only one or two attendants. However, you're not responsible for appeasing them if they're being unreasonable ... most people would understand if you wanted a small wedding, so if they hold a grudge at you for not including them all, then they're being selfish.

In Catholic weddings, the only ones who stand/sit on the altar with the couple are the Best Man and MOH. The others just walk down the aisle and sit in the first pew on their respective sides (oftentimes the girls walk alone and the guys are already seated), and they all pair up for the recessional. So it wouldn't be unusual at all if you didn't have all your friends stand with you.

I think having 4+ people make a toast at your reception would be disorganized if they did it together, and incredibly boring if they all gave a separate toast.

You could ask a few people to do readings, or sing if they're talented.

A group photo would be great, but you don't need official titles or roles to do that. Maybe just invite them to hang out with you while you get ready that morning.

Don't go nuts trying to come up with jobs or roles for everyone. If you want them as bridesmaids, ask them. If not, then they'll get over it (and if not then they're just nuts).

flutefish

Thanks to you both--great advice! I really appreciate it.

musicjailbird7

I have 6 BM's and only about 40 something guests. It's ok for it to not be as full on guests, and still have a big wedding party. If I were you, I'd just have them be your bridesmaids, if that's what you want.