Wedding Party

Bridesmaid needs help

I agreed to be the maid of honor to one of my long time friends weddings because her sister refused to attend, since this is her second wedding (which I was already a bridesmaid in the first wedding). The wedding is on a Sunday in GA, while I live in Northern VA with my family. My son's first birthday is the Saturday before the wedding and I am getting a lot of heat from my family for taking him away on his special day. This is all real stressful for me in planning, because I tried to find flights in and out on the same day as the wedding but I would have to drive 2 hours to the location of the wedding from the airport. Would it be completely un-thinkable if I told her I couldn't attend, let alone be in, the wedding? Any suggestions as to what to do? Thanks!

Re: Bridesmaid needs help

  • Could you get a saturday afternoon flight and have a B-day party in the morning?  There's probably a compromise somewhere.
  • aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
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    edited February 2010
    Have you talked to the bride about this?  She doesn't have to plan her wedding around other people's schedules, but I would think that she might have realized that holding her wedding so close to your son's birthday might cause issues for you.

    I would just talk to her and see what she thinks you should do.  It comes down to priorities: you have to decide if it's more important to attend your son's birthday or her wedding.
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  • Call the bride and talk to her.  No, it isn't unthinkable to miss the wedding, but it may have an impact on your friendship.  You want to know how she's going to feel.

    But I agree w/PP.  You could even do the party in the morning or even early afternoon and get a late flight out on Saturday night.  It might mean not sleeping that much that night and missing the rehearsal, but I'd do that over missing one of the events.
  • I agree with having the birthday party a week early.  He'll never know, your family can still party with the little fella if they must, and you can be there for your friend. Easily the best solution all around.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • Your son doesn't know when his birthday is.  He doesn't know what a birthday is.  Just have the family party a week before and be done with it.  It's for the parents and grandparents anyway.  

    I just want to throw in some commentary: I don't get the big parties for 1 year olds.  Yes, I don't have my own kids so "I don't know" but I'm the oldest of 17 close-knit grandchildren so I'm not totally ignorant.  Just get him a cake that he can destroy, take lots of pictures of him covered in frosting, the grandparents give him lots of toys, and that's it.  I'm sorry but I don't count that as a "special day" that you need to rearrange your life for.  
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  • brooke-I am 100% with you on that.  My philosophy on b'day parties for kids is the same philosophy I have for kids in a WP.  Unless they can use words to tell you what the party means and why they're having one, they don't need one.

    For all three of our kids, on their 1st b'day, we had a small cake, grandparents, and called it good.  Little one smashing their hands in cake, rubbing it on their face, quick photograph, and done.

    I will never, ever understand the need for a big giant b'day party for a child who will sleep through it.  Even when they got older (ages 3-8) they could invite as many kids as they were old to the party.  3 years old?  Three friends and the b'day kid.  Done and done.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
  • This is silly.  First birthday parties are for the family not the kid.  He has no idea what is going on!!  Sounds like your family is pressuring you because THEY want to celebrate.  So as others said, do it a week before or after, or even Friday night!  Afterall, if she is a close friend to you, do YOU want to go to the wedding?  My guess is yes, so I say go.  Your son will probably have fun traveling.

    All I'm saying is:  do what you want, don't let your family guilt you into missing out on your friends wedding. 
  • actually, in this case, I think it would be pretty crappy to bail, especially given the great suggestion above to just celebrate his birthday early.

    The kid has no idea.  If it was a graduation, or a birthday he could remember I'd probably say something different but the fact that you are going to bail on your friend's wedding because your family wants to celebrate the child's birthday seems pretty unfair.

    If you had wanted to celebrate then that should've been considered before you accepted.  But, it doesn't sound like a huge deal to you.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_bridesmaid-needs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cf3d5208-cef1-4715-aeb5-f0f3014634f2Post:c8f10a21-3cc9-4daf-9d3c-2f8013ea5a70">Re: Bridesmaid needs help</a>:
    [QUOTE]I would erase this situation of drama (and stress) by celebrating your son's bday a couple of days (or a week, if others can't come on a week day) before his actual birthday.  From the bride's perspective, I would be pretty upset if my BM bailed bc of her kid's first birthday party.  Wouldn't you be?  Yes, your son is super important, but this seems kind of silly to me to be stressing over. 
    Posted by swim1011[/QUOTE]

    this

    she doesnt get married every year and a wedding is a bigger deal to move than a kid's bday (he wont care which weekend it is)
    if anyone in my WP stepped down for a bday party, id be upset.
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  • I have to echo PPs.  If you child was older it would be one thing but he doesn't know what a birthday is!  I'd just come up with an alternative time to celebrate.
  • Thanks guys! This really helped a lot... I have started planning for his party the weekend before so I can also attend the wedding. I feel bad that my family is a little upset, but they will get over it eventually! Thanks for all of the suggestions!
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