No best man... who does the tasks?

Trishes

My FI decided not to designate a best man. My question - who holds the ring, who does the speech/traditional at wedding best man stuff? What exactly DOES the best man do at the wedding that we'll need to designate someone else to do?

CA2MT4EveR

No one needs to be designated any tasks.  He can keep the ring in his own pocket, or if there are groomsmen, the first one in line can hold it.  There doesn't have to be any toasting, even if there were a best man. 

bablingbrooke

He can split it up among the GM:

One holds the ring.

One signs the license.

One gives the toast.

You get the idea.  Or he could just opt to not have BM-things; anyone over 18 who witnessed the ceremony can sign the license in most states.  It's usually the BM but it certainly doesn't have to be.

Trishes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_man-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d81c0822-da01-4280-9ffa-648586b0ff5ePost:5a1014bf-fe7c-41bd-96f0-9f4c588ee0c5">Re: No best man... who does the tasks?</a>:
[QUOTE]No one needs to be designated any tasks.  He can keep the ring in his own pocket, or if there are groomsmen, the first one in line can hold it.  There doesn't have to be any toasting, even if there were a best man. 
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]

Well, I have a MoH, so I think it may be weird if only she gets up to do a toast and he doesn't have anyone on his side to do so. (And she REALLY wants to do a toast). Thanks for the input! I think we'll just designate the first one to hold it, that's a great idea.

Trishes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_man-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d81c0822-da01-4280-9ffa-648586b0ff5ePost:dc025eae-f148-4aba-9440-246f4a3329c4">Re: No best man... who does the tasks?</a>:
[QUOTE]He can split it up among the GM: One holds the ring. One signs the license. One gives the toast. You get the idea.  Or he could just opt to not have BM-things; anyone over 18 who witnessed the ceremony can sign the license in most states.  It's usually the BM but it certainly doesn't have to be.
Posted by bablingbrooke[/QUOTE]

I like this, thank you! That way all of them are involved in some small part!

CA2MT4EveR

Why would it be wierd for one person to toast and not another.  And she doesn't have to toast either.  Or it can be opened up for anyone to toast.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_man-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d81c0822-da01-4280-9ffa-648586b0ff5ePost:9162b598-8c18-4199-8a0d-2bcd05d5d624">Re: No best man... who does the tasks?</a>:
[QUOTE]Or it can be opened up for anyone to toast.
Posted by CA2MT4EveR[/QUOTE]
Open mic + open bar + everyone you know = recipe for disaster :)  

trix1223

At our son's wedding there was only one toast.  The MOH is very shy and didn't want to be in the spotlight at all.  No one said it was weird to have only one toast.

Back in the day when I was married,  typically there was only one toast.

As for the rings: you can just give the rings to the officiant before the ceremony begins, or have the groom hold both rings.

And for the license:  if your state requires the license to be signed, anyone of legal age who actually witnesses the ceremony can sign.

lharri12

Agree with PPs.  Anyone (or no one) can give a toast.  Maybe the groom's father wants to give one.  Maybe your MOH will give the only toast, and that's okay.

Trishes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_man-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d81c0822-da01-4280-9ffa-648586b0ff5ePost:efbf3f28-b8b1-4e86-a519-c363ba105ef1">Re: No best man... who does the tasks?</a>:
[QUOTE]Agree with PPs.  Anyone (or no one) can give a toast.  Maybe the groom's father wants to give one.  Maybe your MOH will give the only toast, and that's okay.
Posted by lharri12[/QUOTE]

Thanks for the input! (Oh, and dachsie love! One owns me, too!)

CTGirl30

I had the opposite situation - FI had a Best Man and I didn't have a MOH (I just had everyone be a BM since I coudn't choose amongst the girls).

Best Man gave a toast. One of the girls gave a toast. I'd asked them about a month before the wedding, "Hey so does anyone think they might want to give a toast at the reception? The Best Man will be giving one and our DJ is asking me to provide him a name if someone from the girls' side does, too, so just let me know."  Turns out they worked on the toast together and designated the one "bravest" one to stand up and actually deliver the toast.

But anyone can toast - one of the guys can decide himself the "toaster" or Groom's Dad might say a little something, etc...you also don't have to have toasts at all. There's no "right" way to do things - do it however it fits your situation best.

CTGirl30

Also, your officiant can hold the rings and then present them to you both when it's time for the exchange of rings in your ceremony.

jagore08

I didn't read everyone's responses but...

DH didn't designate a BM either.  He didn't want to choose between his friends.  He had them all draw numbers for where they would stand (*eye roll* boys) and the person standing next to him held the rings.  All of the GM gave a speech talking about how they came to know us.  It was their decision to give a speech, not ours so it was a nice surprise when they all got up to say something to us.

ETA: my MOH nor my BM gave a speech, just the GM.

gottahavashorti

Only DH's BM gave a toast at our wedding.  My sister doesn't like to speak in front of crowds so I didn't bother asking if she had any desire to give a toast when we were submitting our DJ form.  It will be fine with just a MOH toast.  Your FI can also give a speech thanking guests for coming if you think it will be unbalanced.

The MOH, officiant, or GM standing nearest to your FI can hold the rings.  Another can sign the marriage license if that's required in your state - the only person who had to sign ours was our officiant, we didn't even have to sign it ourselves.

stina93446

It's not weird for only your friend to get up and do a speech and not one of his. If no one wants to give a speech, fine, go without. Less speeches= happy guests!

Trishes

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_man-tasks?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d81c0822-da01-4280-9ffa-648586b0ff5ePost:f2386fd8-0a72-4689-9748-765bb92aa5f2">Re: No best man... who does the tasks?</a>:
[QUOTE]I had the opposite situation - FI had a Best Man and I didn't have a MOH (I just had everyone be a BM since I coudn't choose amongst the girls). Best Man gave a toast. One of the girls gave a toast. I'd asked them about a month before the wedding, "Hey so does anyone think they might want to give a toast at the reception? The Best Man will be giving one and our DJ is asking me to provide him a name if someone from the girls' side does, too, so just let me know." <strong> Turns out they worked on the toast together</strong> and designated the one "bravest" one to stand up and actually deliver the toast. But anyone can toast - one of the guys can decide himself the "toaster" or Groom's Dad might say a little something, etc...you also don't have to have toasts at all. There's no "right" way to do things - do it however it fits your situation best.
Posted by CTGirl30[/QUOTE]

That's really cool!