Creative WP Ideas

nebbiolo

I'm struggling with the entire wedding party thing and trying to come up with something creative to skirt the, excuse me, lunacy of the tradition (no offense to those who hold this tradition near and dear to their hearts).

My main objective is to aviod pronouncing our closest friends/family by imposing my style and taste preferences on them. It just seems silly to me and I also have no idea who to "cut" from this list of contenders without hurting someone or having an army of people stand up with us. 

I read an NYT article where a woman told her guests that anyone who showed up in a bridesmaid dress would be in her bridal party - I like this idea a lot! I'm just wondering how this would work logistically. Thinking I could include it on our wedding website, spread word of mouth, etc.  And then there would just be a special photo we'd take with those who showed up wtih recycled dresses. It basically wouldn't work for the groomsmen, but might be fun for the ladies...thoughts??

Licia&Wayne

I think you just shouldn't have a wedding party. Being a guest is honor enough. Your friends know you love them and by choosing to not have a wedding party you're simply saying, "I love you all and I can't choose."

I don't really know how the logistics of 'if you want to be in the wedding party you are' would go. I tend to think the worst of stuff like this, just because with my luck, either 0 would want to be in the wedding party and I would feel bad because my friends weren't into the idea, or all my friends would want to be and it would be a circus.

jenn.daniel

sorry, that seems really weird to me.  If you don't want a WP, don't have one. 

There's also nothing that says you have to impose your tastes on others to be in your WP.  You could do something as simple as asking the ladies to wear a black dress (since of us have at least one) and the guys to wear a black tie.  Or blue, or whatever color you like.  They don't have the be coordinated at all.  If you give them each a bouquet our bout, everyone else will realise that's your WP.

blackfire5th

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_creative-wp-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9a135a3-ae47-4cb7-8093-21cd15d1740ePost:cf6c0e44-60f3-4ac4-9a10-ae4698e03e8a">Creative WP Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm struggling with the entire wedding party thing and trying to come up with something creative to skirt the, excuse me, lunacy of the tradition (no offense to those who hold this tradition near and dear to their hearts). My main objective is to aviod pronouncing our closest friends/family by imposing my style and taste preferences on them. It just seems silly to me and I also have no idea who to "cut" from this list of contenders without hurting someone or having an army of people stand up with us.  I read an NYT article where a woman told her guests that anyone who showed up in a bridesmaid dress would be in her bridal party - I like this idea a lot! I'm just wondering how this would work logistically. Thinking I could include it on our wedding website, spread word of mouth, etc.  And then there would just be a special photo we'd take with those who showed up wtih recycled dresses. It basically wouldn't work for the groomsmen, but might be fun for the ladies...thoughts??
Posted by nebbiolo[/QUOTE]

<div>I almost find this idea offensive.  I just doesn't sit right with me for some reason.  </div><div>
</div><div>I kind of feel like you are saying "which of you actually feels like you are important enough to stand up with me."  I think it will cause your friends more stress in trying to figure out if they are someone that you would actually want in the party.</div><div>
</div><div>The position of bridesmaid is an honor.  The honor disappears if you just say "I don't care, whoever wants to dress up can."</div><div>
</div><div>Like pp have said, just don't have a WP (just decide what you are going to do with your bouquet during vows and who you want signing the marriage license).</div>

bablingbrooke

Sounds like a WP really isn't your style, so I would just go without.  You're just as married without a WP as you are with one.

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_creative-wp-ideas?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:d9a135a3-ae47-4cb7-8093-21cd15d1740ePost:4e6da69d-f3d2-4db8-a03f-8481ab538bdb">Re: Creative WP Ideas</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't really know how the logistics of 'if you want to be in the wedding party you are' would go. I tend to think the worst of stuff like this, just because with my luck, either 0 would want to be in the wedding party and I would feel bad because my friends weren't into the idea, or all my friends would want to be and it would be a circus.
Posted by Licia&Wayne[/QUOTE]
I could definitely see this happening.  <div>
</div><div>I know that if I were offered something like this, I probably wouldn't do it for a bride, even if we were really good friends, because it's hard for me, at least, to feel like I should be in someone else's wedding without an express invitation to do so.  A wedding is very personal and it would be weird to take a spot in it.  Kind of AWish on my part.  It would feel presumptuous, like, "Damn straight I am owed a spot in your wedding!"  Even if she encouraged it, it would just feel awkward to me.  I would almost think, "What if she's just saying that and I show up as a BM and I look like an idiot because I really don't belong up there?  If she really wanted me to be in her wedding she would have asked me.  I don't want to be there if she doesn't want me up there."<div>
</div><div>Maybe that's just me, though.</div></div>

mbcdefg

That sounds chaotic. I can appreciate and support not wanting to go through the hassle of ordering specific dresses or feeling like you're bossing people around, but saying that any ol' person can be a BM if she feels like it just sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Either pick your closest friends and take it easy on the dresses ... meaning, just specify a color ("Wear any purple cocktail dress you want") or maybe a style or a feel ("Pick out anything you think looks like a 50s vintage dress" or "I'm kind of going with a fairy-forest theme, so play off of that when you select a dress") ...

Or don't have a bridal party at all, and let your friends enjoy themselves as guests. (And your FI can still have attendants if he wants them, in this case.)

I also don't get why you think your idea wouldn't work for the groomsmen. Couldn't it be that any man who shows up in a suit or a tux is a groomsman? I'm not saying it's a good idea, but I'm just pointing out that the logistics are the same as a woman just showing up in a BM dress.

Plus, there's really no distinction as to what constitutes a "bridesmaid dress." I realize that you're probably taking about dresses from specific designers that were ordered from a salon, but all bridesmaids are not obligated to wear these dresses. My bridesmaids wore cocktail dresses from Ann Taylor that most people would probably just order as a dress to wear as a wedding guest or to a party. Does that mean that they'd be excluded from your bridal party if they showed up wearing these dresses? What about people who wear a sundress or a Renaissance Faire-style dress, claiming they've been a bridesmaid in those outfits? I'm just pointing out that in addition to the idea being awkward, you'd be put in the position of having to possibly turn someone down (which is what you're trying to avoid in the first place).

Friends will understand that you can't possibly include everyone you love as a bridesmaid. Good friends will not be hurt if they know they are not close to you and are therefore not bridesmaids. So make a selection based on who is your absolute closest friend (maybe keep it family-only in order to be objective), or skip the bridesmaids all together. 

aerinpegadrak

I think the biggest problem is the one malphabet pointed out: "bridesmaid dress" has a pretty broad definition.  I just told my girls to wear black.  One actually brought along two dresses she already owned and had me choose which one she'd wear in the wedding, and she wore the other out to dinner and a show the next night.  Since both of them were in the running for her bridesmaid dress, does that mean she wore a "bridesmaid dress" to date night?

If it's a numbers issue, just don't have bridesmaids.  It's perfectly fine not to.  Or you could do a family-only WP if that works for you.  If it's about not wanting to hassle with attire, don't.  Give them some vague guidelines and turn them loose.  As I said, my instructions to my girls were "black with silver accents, and since I'm wearing a hat, feel free to add some fun headgear if you want."  That was it.  Their own styles and tastes were definitely apparent in what they chose.

trix1223

This is one of those things that sounds free-spirited and clever on paper.  But then, IRL it simply doesn't work at all.

Saying to someone that if they show up in a BM dress, voila: they're in the WP is just rather silly.  Taking it to the extreme:  suppose every woman shows up in a variation of a BM dress.  Then what? 

If you don't want to be bossy to friends, don't be.  Pick people you care about and tell them they're in the WP.  Let them wear whatever they please if you don't want to boss them around.  Don't even choose color, or length, or style.  Anything from jeans and a hoodie to a floor length gown will be fine with you.

Now that's free-spirited and clever.  But in reality,  by not making a choice, and leaving it to others, all you're really trying to do is have others make the decision re:  WP for you.

nebbiolo

Thanks for the feedback ladies!  My intent isn't to have these people technically in my WP, just to have some fun with the whole thing. You're right in that I don't want a WP and probably won't have one, so was just trying to come up with something fun. I wouldn't expect these people to do anything like stand up with us during the ceremony, but I'd imagine we'd take a couple fun photos with those who decided to recycle a bridesmaid dress.

And I was going to defer on the girls to qualify their dress as a bridesmaid dress (thinking it could be anything from a formal floor-length gown to a sundress). 

bablingbrooke

You can do all those things with your friends at the wedding without them being an "honorary" WP.  DH and I did some really fun photos with our non-WP friends.

twilight.rose

Ditto brooke. We also got some great shots with friends who weren't in the WP, and they weren't any less special because of that.

I would personally find it extremely odd to be asked to wear a recycled bridesmaid dress to a wedding.

ShilohR

I knew someone that didn't want a WP persay so instead she just had a group of friends that stood in a half circle around them while they got married.  Maybe that might work for you?  Then you're not limited by number or gender.