I want the kids but NOT the (crazy!!) mother...

karlianna777

How do you go about asking your future sister in law if her kids can be in the wedding, and not her?? My fiance's sister is a nut job, and he is just as aware of this as I am, BUT we both really want her kids to be a part of our big day...To be honest, I think we would both be content with not having her there at all. How do we go about this in a nice way??

mgietler76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_want-kids-but-not-crazy-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:e9cd470b-59f4-49d5-836e-465338430edaPost:be99f14d-af6b-46d3-8670-aaddda0c91f3">I want the kids but NOT the (crazy!!) mother...</a>:
[QUOTE]How do you go about asking your future sister in law if her kids can be in the wedding, and not her?? My fiance's sister is a nut job, and he is just as aware of this as I am, BUT we both really want her kids to be a part of our big day...To be honest, I think we would both be content with not having her there at all. How do we go about this in a nice way??
Posted by karlianna777[/QUOTE]

You can easily ask her if it would be OK to have her children in wedding without having her.

You cannot however have her NOT come to the wedding at all. They are her children and she needs to be invited along with them. There is no "nice" way to invite her kids and not her

bablingbrooke

Regardless of whether her kids are in the wedding, she needs an invite to the wedding.  She's family, and presumably you're inviting all other siblings.  So on that end, I'm afraid you need to suck it up.

With regard to her kids, asking them doesn't mean you have to also ask her.  Four of my cousins were our RBs and FGs (two sets of twins) but we didn't ask any of their siblings or parents.  Still on speaking terms with all (actually seeing all of them tonight at a New Year's party).  So don't worry about that.  If FSIL flips out, have FI handle it.  FI should probably handle the whole "transaction" anyway.

DNAtime

You don't need to have the FSIL be in the WP just because her kids are.
You should definitely invite her as a guest.

aerinpegadrak

It would be bad enough if this were some random person whose kids you wanted to use, and you didn't want to invite her.  But this is the groom's freaking sister.  Thinking of not even inviting her is just beyond callous.

graysquirrel

Just because the kids are in the WP doesn't mean the mom has to be. But if she is your FSIL, then I'd say she should at least be invited to the wedding. A lot of little children don't make a move without their moms, and it would be terribly rude not to invite her. 

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_want-kids-but-not-crazy-mother?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:e9cd470b-59f4-49d5-836e-465338430edaPost:2b45b6d0-3ee9-4ee8-8cb9-c246207967d0">Re: I want the kids but NOT the (crazy!!) mother...</a>:
[QUOTE]It would be bad enough if this were some random person whose kids you wanted to use, and you didn't want to invite her.  But this is the groom's freaking sister.  Thinking of not even inviting her is just beyond callous.
Posted by aerinpegadrak[/QUOTE]

Truth.

vicki0508

If you want to use her kids, then you have to invite her to the wedding.  If you don't want her at the wedding, don't use her kids - but that's pretty rude to not invite a sibling.

You will be so busy on your wedding day, you will probably hardly even notice she's there.

lalap69

So just ask the kids to be in the wedding.  You obviously need to invite FSIL though, regardless of her or her children's WP status.

ckonidak

Everyone gave you great advice. Have the kids in your WP or not, but FSIL should definitely get an invite.