Help! GM can't afford Tux's!

ilookatstars2

So i picked out the cheapest tux's i could find and my Fiance wants them to wear suits they already have. I'm worried they won't match and it will look cheap. I spent hours planning colors and such of what the guys would wear and now it's all going down the drain. I want everyone to look nice. I know they can't afford much but $100 is a good deal these days! The BM's had to pay for theirs. Why not the guys? Please help i dont know what to do anymore!

mbcdefg

You were responsible for asking them for their budgets ahead of time. It was nice of you to look out for a good deal, but it is not up to you to determine if $100 is "affordable" for them. It is up to THEM to tell you what is "affordable" for them. And if they can't afford $100, then they can't afford it. You telling them over and over how "affordable" the tux is isn't magically going to put extra money in their wallets.

You either need to chip in some cash yourself to help them out, find an even cheaper tux somehow, or let them wear their own black suits (and maybe buy them matching ties).

Pretty much all black suits look the same. And even if they're not perfectly matched, who cares? It's not going to ruin your wedding or your photos, or offend your guests. You're making a much bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.

And since they're your FI's attendants, you shouldn't have 100% of the say in what they wear. If he wants them in their own black suits, then that's what they should wear. You already had control over the bridesmaids' outfits ... you don't get to decide on everyone's attire just because you're the bride. There's a groom involved in all this, too.

jagore08

If they all have black suits  you won't be able to tell they're different.  If you really want them to wear the tuxes then pony up the $100 and help the GM out.

ETA: I should also add that all of our guys wore black suits they already owned and I couldn't tell the difference unless I was staring hard at the pictures and even then I did't care.  Pics in married bio.

AdeleDazeem

tuxes.

thesequel

Our gentlemen are wearing black suits.  The only real difference between a nice suit and a tux are the satin lapels and the satin stripe up the leg.  

If your FI wants black suits, then why shouldn't they wear black suits?

kt012885

Every wedding my fiance and I have been in (prob 5 for me and 3 for him)...no one ever asks for their budget.  If you get asked to be in a wedding, you should assume a dress to be around 130.00 and a tux to be between 80-120 where we live.  If you know you can't afford it, then you tell the Bride & Groom from the beginning.  If your fiance wants them to wear suits, then you guys will have to figure it out.  BUT in my opinion your groomsmen should have known it would cost around that much.  GL!  My brother is the only one who can't afford the tux (bc he has no job and has never had one- so i offered to pay for it in return for him to work it off for us and he agreed.)  Other than that, everyone else knew if they could afford it or not. 

mbcdefg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:e8b832e6-810e-47ec-b8f1-2a61ea7410ad">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]Every wedding my fiance and I have been in (prob 5 for me and 3 for him)...no one ever asks for their budget.  If you get asked to be in a wedding, you should assume a dress to be around 130.00 and a tux to be between 80-120 where we live.  If you know you can't afford it, then you tell the Bride & Groom from the beginning.  If your fiance wants them to wear suits, then you guys will have to figure it out.  BUT in my opinion your groomsmen should have known it would cost around that much.  GL!  My brother is the only one who can't afford the tux (bc he has no job and has never had one- so i offered to pay for it in return for him to work it off for us and he agreed.)  Other than that, everyone else knew if they could afford it or not. 
Posted by kt012885[/QUOTE]


So friendship comes at a price?

vicki0508

FI and his GM are wearing black suits.  As long as you get them all matching ties they'll look cohesive.  It won't look cheap.

Either you pay for their tuxes, or you let them wear suits.

hlq2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:e8b832e6-810e-47ec-b8f1-2a61ea7410ad">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]Every wedding my fiance and I have been in (prob 5 for me and 3 for him)...no one ever asks for their budget.  If you get asked to be in a wedding, you should assume a dress to be around 130.00 and a tux to be between 80-120 where we live.  If you know you can't afford it, then you tell the Bride & Groom from the beginning.  If your fiance wants them to wear suits, then you guys will have to figure it out.  BUT in my opinion your groomsmen should have known it would cost around that much.  GL!  My brother is the only one who can't afford the tux (bc he has no job and has never had one- so i offered to pay for it in return for him to work it off for us and he agreed.)  Other than that, everyone else knew if they could afford it or not. 
Posted by kt012885[/QUOTE]

You're making your own brother "work off" the cost of his tux?  You're kidding, right?

Just because weddings you've been in, the B&G didn't ask your budgets doesn't mean that's the right way to go.

OP, ditto malphabet.  They're your FI's side of the wedding party; he has say over their attire.  Let them wear their own suits.  My girls are wearing different dresses, same color and fabric, but they will all look quite diffferent.  And I'm pretty sure the world won't end when they walk down the aisle.

ilookatstars2

Thanks all for your advice!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:ee1fffc2-03c0-46f9-b9d4-f512e145b4a4">Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]So i picked out the cheapest tux's i could find and my Fiance wants them to wear suits they already have. I'm worried they won't match and it will look cheap. I spent hours planning colors and such of what the guys would wear and now it's all going down the drain. I want everyone to look nice. I know they can't afford much but $100 is a good deal these days! The BM's had to pay for theirs. Why not the guys? Please help i dont know what to do anymore!
Posted by ilookatstars2[/QUOTE]

artbyallie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:e8b832e6-810e-47ec-b8f1-2a61ea7410ad">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]Every wedding my fiance and I have been in (prob 5 for me and 3 for him)...no one ever asks for their budget.  If you get asked to be in a wedding, you should assume a dress to be around 130.00 and a tux to be between 80-120 where we live.  If you know you can't afford it, then you tell the Bride & Groom from the beginning.  If your fiance wants them to wear suits, then you guys will have to figure it out.  BUT in my opinion your groomsmen should have known it would cost around that much.  GL!  My brother is the only one who can't afford the tux (bc he has no job and has never had one- so i offered to pay for it in return for him to work it off for us and he agreed.)  Other than that, everyone else knew if they could afford it or not. 
Posted by kt012885[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Um, no. David's Bridal/Men's Wearhouse is not the only option for wedding attire. My bridesmaids were given a color and a length and can find their own dresses wherever and whatever price they're comfortable with. His groomsmen are wearing dark suits (navy, charcoal, black, brown, don't care) with light blue shirts and we're providing dark blue ties. The guys all own what they need with the exception of my cousin, who is graduating high school and could use a suit anyway. And frankly, one bridesmaid and groomsman really wouldn't be able to afford to be in the wedding if we weren't doing things this way as well as finding one of my family members to put them up so they don't have to spend money on a hotel.

</div>

[Deleted User]

We've gotten tuxes from Men's Warehouse. Only one person can't afford them even though we're footing half of the bill for each tux; leaving the tuxes at 50$ for each of the guys to pay for. At this point my FI isn't sure if he should be in the wedding, the GM is going to be 21, doesn't have a car, a license, a job, nor is he in college. >.< But I think 50$ isn't a bad payment... I prefer tuxes, but check what your FI has to say about the whole thing. We told the guys after we had the deposit down for the tuxes, and that we would foot half of the bill for each of them. They had no problem with that, except for that one.

Wiscisbliss

Can you foot the $100 bill for all the GM? 

What if they wear a suit and you provide a matching tie?

I think that you should take your FIs opinion into account.  They are his attendants, not yours... and I'll assume he didn't control the BM dress choices. 

DNAtime

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:0da5bcb1-aeed-49a5-880b-203328221ef1">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]We've gotten tuxes from Men's Warehouse. Only one person can't afford them even though we're footing half of the bill for each tux; leaving the tuxes at 50$ for each of the guys to pay for. At this point my FI isn't sure if he should be in the wedding, the GM is going to be 21, doesn't have a car, a license, a job, nor is he in college. />.< But I think 50$ isn't a bad payment... I prefer tuxes, but check what your FI has to say about the whole thing. We told the guys after we had the deposit down for the tuxes, and that we would foot half of the bill for each of them. They had no problem with that, except for that one.
Posted by maddiie3e[/QUOTE]

Its not your place to decide whether $50 is  reasonable for someone else to pay. Maybe you should have had your FI's friends fill out an application for a GM spoot. Yeeesh. 

Just because other people expect their WP to just shell out whatever doesn't make it acceptable. 

Frankly, you should go with suits because thats what your FI wants.  It will be fine.  We have even decided to skip jackets for our GMs because it was going to be too expensive and difficult to find suits for our guys and my FI does NOT want to wear black. Let your FI pick his guys attire.

crlewis803

You probably should have asked how much the GMs could spend. Its really not fair to assume that people know how much to spend. I've spent $30 on a BM dress and then I've spent $200 and that is a big difference. The price depends on style and options. The same color suits would be fine and you probably wouldn't even notice. We have one GM and one BM that cannot pay for their attire. We knew that when we asked them and so we followed up asking them to be in the wedding party by explaining that we would cover the costs. I'm working extra hours at work to cover the BMs dress and FI is doing the same to cover GMs tux. It is more important to have those two up there than what attire they are wearing.

LoveMuffins

FI's brother had all his groomsmen wear their own black suits instead of tuxes and they looked great. The bride and groom bought them matching ties, they were all in black, and since the suits were their own they all fit perfectly (whereas rented tuxes can sometimes look bulky/ill-fitting).

I would just relax and realize that, as menswear goes, all suits look pretty close to the same, so they'll probably look great.

thealefairy

You might have to just bite the bullet, and go with the black suits. particularly since your FI is in agreement with the GM. Sometimes you have to be flexible and make compromises. It doesn't mean you have to like it though. The GM should have been upfront about their budgets. My FI and I have been in two weddings this year, and both times we had to cough up $130-$180 for tux rentals. Being in a wedding is expensive.

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:e8b832e6-810e-47ec-b8f1-2a61ea7410ad">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]Every wedding my fiance and I have been in (prob 5 for me and 3 for him)...no one ever asks for their budget. <strong> If you get asked to be in a wedding, you should assume a dress to be around 130.00 and a tux to be between 80-120 where we live.  If you know you can't afford it, then you tell the Bride & Groom from the beginning.  </strong>If your fiance wants them to wear suits, then you guys will have to figure it out.  BUT in my opinion your groomsmen should have known it would cost around that much.  GL!  My brother is the only one who can't afford the tux (bc he has no job and has never had one- so i offered to pay for it in return for him to work it off for us and he agreed.)  Other than that, everyone else knew if they could afford it or not. 
Posted by kt012885[/QUOTE]
Nope, but thanks for playing.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:0da5bcb1-aeed-49a5-880b-203328221ef1">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]We've gotten tuxes from Men's Warehouse. Only one person can't afford them even though we're footing half of the bill for each tux; leaving the tuxes at 50$ for each of the guys to pay for. At this point my FI isn't sure if he should be in the wedding<strong>, the GM is going to be 21, doesn't have a car, a license, a job, nor is he in college.</strong> >.< <strong>But I think 50$ isn't a bad payment</strong>... I prefer tuxes, but check what your FI has to say about the whole thing. We told the guys after we had the deposit down for the tuxes, and that we would foot half of the bill for each of them. They had no problem with that, except for that one.
Posted by maddiie3e[/QUOTE]

And?
Is there an age requirement for being in the WP? A degree? a car? A license? A job even?
NO!

If he can get his own way around then the fact that he has no car, and no license is none of your business.

But you can't determine what is and isn't a "affordable payment" for someone who is not yourself.

[Deleted User]

In response; we talked to the GM before hand, and they all said they could pay the full price, we talked to them before we went to pick them out. So I really don't appreciate the rude responses.

mbcdefg

Well, you never specified that in your original post. We can't read minds.

Plus, did you say, "What can you afford?" and they all said 100? Or did you say, "The tuxes will be $100, tell us if that's O.K." or "The tuxes will be $100, just to let you know" ... the latter two sort of puts them on the spot to agree to $100.

Whether they agreed to it in the beginning or not, it just seems like they don't have $100 to spare. And reminding them that they agreed to that price in the beginning still isn't going to magically make that money available for them.

So your choices are to let them wear their own black suits to save money, pay for some of the tux rental to help them out, or kick them out of your wedding because they can't pay enough to participate. I suggest the suits.

hlq2011

All we have to go on is what you say in your posts.

And no one was rude to you.  The fact that you didn't like the comments made doesn't make them rude.

Regardless of anything, your FI wants to let them wear suits.  They're his attendants; he gets to choose what they wear.  Did he dictate your bridesmaids' attire to you?  I doubt it.

iluvmy0341

Where are you getting tuxes from? I used to work as a manager at U.S. Tuxedo (part of Metallo's Formalwear). The cheapest tux we rented came to $69.95 after tax. It was a basic 1 button, shawl lapel tux. Maybe check into other tuxedo shops. And most tuxedo shops offer the groom's tux for free, ask if you can pay for his, and split the cost of the free one between the GMs. I used to do that for alot of people. I would take the cost of a grooms tux, divide it by the GMs and discount their tuxes by that number. If they want your sale (and most do!), they'll work with you.

How about considering looking to buy basic black suits? JC Penny, Macys, and those kind of department stores often have specials. Like buy the top, get the bottoms free. Or an entire suit for $89.

All of the men in the wedding party are in a branch of the Armed Forces, (BM is Army and the others are Marines so it would make the BM stand out too!), but they all whined and complained...I was like really?! I'm trying to save YOU money!

Summer2011Bride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:e8b832e6-810e-47ec-b8f1-2a61ea7410ad">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]Every wedding my fiance and I have been in (prob 5 for me and 3 for him)...no one ever asks for their budget.  If you get asked to be in a wedding, you should assume a dress to be around 130.00 and a tux to be between 80-120 where we live.  If you know you can't afford it, then you tell the Bride & Groom from the beginning.  If your fiance wants them to wear suits, then you guys will have to figure it out.  BUT in my opinion your groomsmen should have known it would cost around that much.  GL!  My brother is the only one who can't afford the tux (bc he has no job and has never had one- so i offered to pay for it in return for him to work it off for us and he agreed.)  Other than that, everyone else knew if they could afford it or not. 
Posted by kt012885[/QUOTE]

I'm still in shock you are making your brother "work off" the cost of his tux. You sound like a peach.

janicejab

  If the GM all wear suits with matching ties, it will look fine. FI was in a wedding last year where they wore black suits and the bride and groom provided a matching tie for all the guys. It looked good and fit the atmosphere of the wedding better than tuxes. 
  Would you really want the guys who are most important to your FI to back out of standing up at the wedding because they couldn't afford a tux and you wouldn't let them wear a suit? It's not like they're wanting to wear something hideous or outlandish, and it doesn't seem like you're a completely unreasonable person. You tried to find something they could afford, but now they can't afford it. If they had all said from the beginning that they couldn't afford a tux at all, what would you have chosen for them to wear?
  In the end, there is going to be so much going on on your wedding day that you won't care about what the GM are wearing. Once you see your FI on your wedding day everything else won't matter, other than the fact that you'll be married to the man of your dreams.

readytogo10

Geez! I am in a similar situation and am glad I didn't post first We are getting married in 31 days and one of the Ushers just said yesterday after his fitting that he can't afford the $60 now (we offered to pay half) but has a black suit that he could wear.  Since we are so close to the wedding, and I don't need any more stress (financial or otherwise) I said Eff it sure wear the suit- wear whatever as long as you show up and look nice!! LOL

Really though, I know we all worked very hard at designing our weddings (or we wouldn't be on this site!!!!) but don't let a little tux issue (or crabby patties) give you any stress! Just think, if this is the worst thing that happens while in the midst of planning you have it MADE!!   

Good luck

~Jenny

rainedrop6

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_gm-cant-afford-tuxs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:f34fcaad-901b-463b-a8bf-2d6c118b9f27Post:9fb8260e-dec5-4f70-a58a-593d924334b6">Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Help! GM can't afford Tux's! : I'm still in shock you are making your brother "work off" the cost of his tux. You sound like a peach.
Posted by Summer2011Bride[/QUOTE]

I don't think there is anything wrong with expecting someone to work for what they want/need, family or not. Maybe if more people weren't handed things, they wouldn't feel so entitled to things they don't quite deserve. Not to sound snobby but if you can't save up $30-$50 over the course of a few months to a year you need to seriously reevaluate your finances and stop relying on others to pay your way.