Overbearing Bridesmaid - how to cope?

efujan

One of my bridesmaids is really starting to annoy me. I love her to death, but she's prodding and throwing herself in the middle of everything!  She tells me who to pick for a DJ, where to have the reception, the flowers, the caterer, telling me what color of dress *I* need to pick because *she* looks better in it than ___, and who to have at the guest book table … you get the point.  

 

Some of that is fine, but she constantly tries to jockey herself into some very personal parts of the process (in my mind) too.  The worst was when she tried inviting herself to go dress shopping with me and wouldn’t take the hint I only wanted my mom, sister, & grandmother there – I had to keep everything on the down-low to keep her from just showing up at the shop!!  And when I mentioned we were going to look at rings for my fiancé, she told me what days she’ll be up to help us shop ...

 

She’s excited for us, I get that.  But there’s only so much I can take!  I have politely taken her suggestions, I have included her in several aspects of the wedding, but I have also set boundaries.  The problem is – they’re not sinking in with this girl.  Now I feel like I can’t even bring up anything wedding-related because I know I’ll snap at her if she comments on anything (because it’s never just a comment, it ALWAYS turns into a downpour!).  

 

Any personal experiences and advice out there????? 

SarahPLiz

Just don't bring up the wedding with her anymore. There should be other things you can talk about. Tell her that planning is in a lull, and make sure she has her dress and knows where to show up and what time to be there on the day of. Nothing else is really her business.

ALso, you seem to have the opposite problem of most of the posters here, who are bummed because their BMs aren't interested at all in their wedding. Really, its hard to find a happy medium, so the key is to always manage your expectations.

The Mel and Todd Show

I would tell her "Friend, I really appreciate how excited you are.  I'm really excited, too.  Right now, there's nothing to help with.  However, when something comes up, you'll be the first to know."    Then stop talking wedding to her unless it's something you want her input/help on. 

It really is awesome that she wants to be so involved.  If she's a bridesmaid, then I assume she's your dear friend, as well.  As her friend, you can tell her "there are some things that I want to share with my mother" or "I've already made up my mind on the dj, but will let you know if I need advice in other areas when they come up" and as your friend, she should understand and respect that.  I really think honesty is the way to go...don't drop hints and hope they sink in. 

mbcdefg

Don't bring up anything wedding-related.

If SHE brings up the wedding, give a quick and non-committal answer - "Thanks for the suggestion but we've already got that taken care of," or, "We'll look into that, thanks!" - and then change the subject. Or find a way to politely end the conversation and walk away.

If there's an aspect of the wedding that you don't care much about, try turning her attention toward that and giving her free reign over it. Hopefully she will focus her attention on that and leave you alone about the other stuff. Maybe something small, like rehearsal dinner invitations or bathroom baskets or something like that.

(And please don't ask anyone to stand at the guestbook table.)

gottahavashorti

Avoid wedding talk.  When she gives suggestions, "Thanks for the suggestions.  I've got things under control right now but I'll let you know if I need any help!" should be fine.

suz62984

That has to be frustrating. It sounds like she is just trying to help and be "a good BM" but I see where you are coming from. Unfortunately I would just stop discussing wedding things with her. If she brings it up I would just change the subject. If she persists I would just say..."well the wedding planning is in a lull. I have everything covered right now but if I need anything i'll let you know. Thanks for being supportive and helpful throughout all of this!" Change the subject.

Good luck!