Advice for people with lots of guest coming from out of town.

annieLCC

Both my fiance's and my family live out of state and we have a lot of relatives, many of whom we haven't seen for awhile.

It has occured to me at 3 weeks away from the big day, that that week before the wedding while everyone is in town is going to be a big fat cluster-mess!!

My advice is this:
Make everyone stay at the same place, that way they can all get together and you and the fiance can meet them each morning and plan the day. Everyone will know that on Monday night you'll be having deinner with his folks only, and on tuesday night a big group is going out together. On wed you'll all go to the museum... etc. etc. Also they can all help each other out this way, and you won't get bugged to tell everyone individually directions, where to get panythose and all that kind of stuff.

I made it evn worse on myself, with the invitations I included a map and some info about tourist stuff in the area, I got everyone excited, but included no real plan!   I can picture it now how confusing and frustrating this is going to be!
I say schedule an itinerary well in advance. Include with the invites, post it on your wedding website and ask people if they want to participate to Rsvp to each event individually. They can still jump on last minute, I'm sure, but this way they'll be aware of exactly what's going on. Scheduling in advance will also keep one guest from hoarding all your time.

I think what i'm going to do to remedy this is create a schedule right now and hand a paper copy to everyone as we see them!

If anyone has any advice for me as well it would be very appreciated!

zitiqueen

This is the main reason we got married in Las Vegas. No way in hell was I going to worry about keeping OOT guests entertained.

mbcdefg

I just saved myself a headache by not planning a Wedding Weekend full of events.

We saw close friends and family at the rehearsal dinner, talked to everyone for a few minutes on the wedding day at some point (either receiving line or reception visits), and met a few in the lobby of the hotel the morning after the wedding.

A few OOTers chose to make a weekend out of their trip to our wedding, since we live close to NYC, but we weren't responsible for their entertainment.

blackfire5th

My advice is to relax.  You are stressing way too much over this.  I'm assuming your OOT guests are adults.  Adults know how to entertain themselves and how to get a hold of other relatives.

I think it will prove to be more chaotic to try and get everyone on your schedule.

quotequeen

I have the complete opposite take on this.  If people want to spend the whole week in town, that's their business, but it's not my responsibility to plan out their lives or to spend every single day with them when I'm trying to get things ready for the wedding.  I'll give them a list of things that they can do in town, but I won't plan a schedule for everybody or join them on everything they want to do.  No way.

annieLCC

yay, okay! that sounds even better!
you get what you get and you don't throw a fit!

bablingbrooke

DH is from another country and his relatives are scattered all over the world and throughout the US.  I had relatives come in from all over the US.  We had only two days of "wedding events": the rehearsal/RD the night before and the wedding.  We reserved blocks of rooms for everyone.  Then we left them alone.  It wasn't for us to plan their time.  If they wanted to come for just one day, fine.  If they wanted to make a month-long vacation out of it (which a couple of them did), also fine.  We of course spent as much time as possible with the relatives and friends in the days before the wedding and it was lovely.  

I don't know if this is true of your family but in mine and my ILs there is one "social chair" who always organizes things whenever the family gets together, regardless of the circumstances.  My uncle, for example, organized rafting trips, hikes, and paintball the morning of the wedding.  DH's aunt got a bunch of his relatives together and made a day trip to a nearby national park.  We didn't ask them to do this--they did it of their own volition to take advantage of the fact that everyone was together.  People will find a way to entertain themselves--only the most selfish family members/friends would expect you to plan out days of activities for them.  Plus, don't forget that for 90% of your guests, your wedding is a 5 hour event.

gottahavashorti

We were very busy the week before the wedding.  Only two of DH's family members came in from out of town before Friday and of the week they were there before the wedding, and I didn't meet them until the rehearsal.

Just give them information on activities and let them do what they will.  You can't make everyone stay at one place, and if you plan an itinerary you probably need to host those events, so it will be easier all around to just skip it.

suz62984

You can't MAKE everyone stay at the same place. As an OOT guest on many occasions I like not having a set plan. I like to do things for myself and explore on my own; however if there is information on a hosted dinner or activity that all the guests are going too that would be nice. I just don't see the point of making "organized fun." I'm sure your guests will be able to take care of themselves. They know that you have things going on and won't put too much stress on you to entertain them.

aerinpegadrak

Maybe it's just because I live in a touristy area, but I don't like playing tour guide.  We also got married in Vegas, and while running around with some family the day before the wedding, they kept looking to me for what to do, because "It's your wedding!"  And my response was "The wedding is tomorrow, it's your damn vacation!"  

I would never force everyone to stay in one place.  The beauty of Vegas was that people were able to choose their own price point and level of luxury.  We had people spread out all over the Strip and beyond, but everyone got around just fine and made it to all the wedding stuff on time.

We planned a lot for the wedding day, a meal the night before, and the meal the morning after.  Beyond that, we just sort of played it by ear.  People had their own agendas, made their own plans, and we just met up with people along the way.  When I'm on vacation, I don't like things being planned down to the microsecond.  It just gets really stressful.  Plus, I like being able to break off and do my own thing if I'm not interested in whatever the rest of the group is doing, which is tough if there's an "official itinerary."

Seriously, your guests are adults.  I think they've planned vacations before.

trix1223

Why is it your responsibility to meet everyone each day and plan their itinerary.  Did you tell them that they HAD to come days before the wedding?

It would never occur to me that the B&G were responsible for me if I made the decision to attend their wedding and get there early.

Treat your guests like the adults they are.  If they're old enough to travel on their own and rent a hotel room, they're old enough to figure this out on their own.

And no, you absolutely cannot MAKE people stay at the same hotel unless you pick up the tabl for their rooms.

banana468

I think the best thing to is to be a gracious hostess but also to make it clear that you're preparing for a big event.

We had OOT guests, but I was in no way able to entertain during the days before the wedding.  DH and I were busy too!

Be as nice as possible and your guests will hopefully understand that your time with them will be special - but limited.

tldh

It sounds like you are trying to run a  day camp here.  Your guests are adults so just put tourist or suggested attractions in their OOT bags and let them go.  I will tell you now that if FI and I were ever invited to a wedding that had this kind of schedule, we'd be skipping everything until the actual wedding.

mysticl

Yikes.  Let's see the only way you can make people stay at the same hotel is if you book and pay for all their rooms yourself.  Lets see my FI does not have the whole week of the wedding off work so he couldn't play tour guide, I don't know if I'll be working that week or not.  Are you sure people are actually excited about the stuff you put in the invites?  And if they are here's the plan: go to that place do whatever there is to do there and return to hotel. 

Your plan doesn't sound like it's going to be easier for you but instead harder.  If I was arriving at a wedding a full week before the event I would consider it my vacation and would not want mandatory meetings and structure activities.  Just point me to the pool. 

Viczaesar

Honestly, I think you're way overthinking this, and underestimating your guests' ability to be adults and plan out their own week.

twilight.rose

We had quite a lot of OOT guests, all of whom were perfectly able to entertain themselves.

I booked a block of rooms at a discounted rate at one hotel, as a courtesy. The guests were informed of this block via invitation insert, as well as given the names/numbers of several other local hotels. Your guests are grown people who are, I'm sure, quite capable of booking their own hotel rooms where they see fit.

Also, people will understand that you're preparing for a wedding. They will not expect to be entertained every moment of every day. Most of our guests flew in a day or two ahead of time, and beyond letting us know they had safely arrived, kept to themselves until the wedding.

CTGirl30

My husband's family - 12 inlaws - 6 adults and 6 childen under the age of 12 arrived on the east coast a week before our wedding.  DH and I both had to work for the Monday - Wed before the wedding.  His family didn't rely on us to be entertainment - they planned their own day trips and excursions and it was great. We didn't have to worry about it and they had their own plans going. We reconvened on Thur for the RD, on Friday we had a BBQ at our house for about 40 family members and Saturday was the wedding.

Adults can and will entertain themselves. You don't need to be trying to micromanage every minute of their time. Most people who travel for  a wedding and arrive a week in advance of the event know they'll have to come up with some things to do and they'll probably enjoy doing their own side trips, etc. Just like my inlaws did.