Irish Catholic/Non- Denominational

anhellfriend1991

My fiance is Irish Catholic and I am Non-Denominational. He does not mind getting married in my church but his grandmother is refusing to come to our wedding because its not a catholic church. I don't know what to do!!! I want to married in the same church as my brother... i am wondering if there is a way to add in some of the cultural catholic things into our wedding but I don't know if he will agree to it. He hasn't set foot inside a church for 13 years almost 14. He is not a devout catholic but it is how he was raised. I don't know how I can incorperate some of the things he grew up with, without offending the members of my family that are hardcore Prodestants. Another reason we are getting married in the church I grew up in is because he can't be married in a catholic church.
I don't know what to do!!! HELP!

Juliet212

What does he say about his grandmother not wanting to the wedding?

Non-denomination is a form of Catholic religion, correct? You should go through a regular Roman Catholic ceremony and a non-denominational ceremony and point out similarities. Ask your FI want he wants to incorporate from his religion.

I understand what you mean by not wanting to offend any religion... Make sure that you have an equal aspects from both religions, and make sure your officiant(s) provide a clear understanding of each part of your ceremony (so no on e feels left out).

Good Luck!

heyimbren

Non-Denominational is Protestant, and the feelings between Catholics and Protestants within Ireland have been historically extremely hostile.

Normally Catholics must be married within a Catholic church in order for the Catholic church to recognize the marriage, at least, that's been my understanding OP. So you may not be able to please both sides, and you will both simply need to make a choice. How does your FI Feel about his grandmother not attending? Is he sitll okay with the non-denominational wedding?

anhellfriend1991

He honestly told me when we first started talking about our wedding that he did not want to get married in a church but then he later told me that if it is that imortant to me to get married in the church I grew up in then he was alright with that and from what he says he is upset about his grand mother not attending but is because she refuses to go into any church that is not a catholic church. He actually cannot be married in the catholic church because he has had a annulment and he has also been divorced as well. It is difficult knowing that partof his family wont attend our wedding because its not in a catholic church he seems to be very unaffected byit because he doesnt have a very close relationship with his family.

agapecarrie

There are so many issues here that are getting mixed up..

You said he HAS had an annulment (through the catholic tribunal)? If he has, then he would be free to marry in the church. An annulment investigates a marriage at its beginning to see if the necessary elements were there to make it valid. Also, a Catholic is bound by correct form and matter when it comes to sacraments, including marriage, in order for it to be valid. So a catholic that does not use the correct form (ie. "marrying outside the church") is not in a valid marriage. This is a very serious thing, and they cannot continue to receive the sacraments. There are dispensations from form given for just reasons, but a couple still has to go through marriage prep, and not have previous marriages (or they have to have been declared null). If a catholic receives a dispensation from form to marry somewhere other than a Catholic church, it IS considered valid, the catholic is in good standing, and any Catholic would be free to attend and be supportive.

Please understand that the rites in a Catholic mass or even just a wedding ceremony are sacred and have deep meaning are not just used for a cultural backdrop. No matter how many elements you put into your wedding, it still won't be considered valid for Catholics.

That all being said, it seems that it doesn't matter to your FI at all, so I'm not sure what the issue is?

Juliet212

Agapecarrie makes some valid points here. Annulments are legal procedure to allow a marriage to be voided. About 20 years ago (not sure if it is still the same) you had to have written letters by witnesses of your marriage and people speak on your behalf before an annulment was decided by the court system.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_irish-catholicnon-denominational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:8d67c302-0e20-47f6-957e-c39346bc008ePost:98866534-b607-4b0a-9f2b-21a18154ec6d">Re: Irish Catholic/Non- Denominational</a>:
[QUOTE]Agapecarrie makes some valid points here. Annulments are legal procedure to allow a marriage to be voided. About 20 years ago (not sure if it is still the same) you had to have written letters by witnesses of your marriage and people speak on your behalf before an annulment was decided by the court system.
Posted by Juliet212[/QUOTE]


Just to clarify terms. The "court" system must be the Catholic tribunal court. The church has no power to "void" a valid marriage. It investigates the situation at the time of the marriage to see if all factors were present for the marriage to be considered valid. If it found lacking, then it will be declared null.

anhellfriend1991

Well he has had an anullment and he has been divorced. So  its not the anullment that prevents him from being married in the catholic church its the divorce and I dont think he really sees any problems with it not being in a catholic church. Although agapecarrie has made some very good points that I should bring up to my FI so he can let his grandmother know.

agapecarrie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_irish-catholicnon-denominational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:396Discussion:8d67c302-0e20-47f6-957e-c39346bc008ePost:6da7d978-e82c-43b3-8bcd-4e30ce69c8e7">Re: Irish Catholic/Non- Denominational</a>:
[QUOTE]Well he has had an anullment and he has been divorced. So  its not the anullment that prevents him from being married in the catholic church its the divorce and I dont think he really sees any problems with it not being in a catholic church. Although agapecarrie has made some very good points that I should bring up to my FI so he can let his grandmother know.
Posted by anhellfriend1991[/QUOTE]

An annulment is the investigation of the marriage that had the divorce. If he got divorced and had that marriage annuled, then he is free to marry in the Catholic Church. I realize that this might not be important, but just wanted to clear it up.

anhellfriend1991

He was divorced for a few years and then he got married again to a different woman and then had an annulment.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_interfaith-weddings_irish-catholicnon-denominational?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:396Discussion:8d67c302-0e20-47f6-957e-c39346bc008ePost:552cea98-c40b-4eba-a225-63de646b33e3">Re: Irish Catholic/Non- Denominational</a>:
[QUOTE]He was divorced for a few years and then he got married again to a different woman and then had an annulment.
Posted by anhellfriend1991[/QUOTE]

Was his first marriage annulled?

If his second marriage was annulled, and you're his third marriage, then I do believe he can be married in the Catholic Church. But he already told you he doesn't want to be married in a Catholic ceremony, yes? Then I think you have the answer there: his grandmother won't come unless it's in a Catholic Church and neither of you want that.

anhellfriend1991

His first marriage ended in divorce (really long story) not annulment. I will be his third marriage but you right he doesn't want to be married in a Catholic ceremony but I wouldnt't be objected to it because I like experiencing new things and that would top all the new experiences I could ever have but I guess it is what we both want to not have a Catholic ceremony. So I guess your right I have my answer.

Madisonpenny

I'm sorry to hear about his grandmother, but honestly, thats really selfish of her.