Should I include my Chinese heritage?

NukaNayeli

I'm half Chinese, my dad was born in Hong Kong and his family moved to the US. My dad's side have all had an American wedding and then another Chinese ceremony and Chinese dinner reception. I'll be the first of my mixed cousins to get married, so I'll be setting the precedence. I don't speak much Chinese (enough to understand my grandmother and insult family members :P). I don't know how much I want to incorporate my heritage into the wedding. I know my grandmother will want to make sure everything is as traditional as possible. I was just thinking to have maybe red with gold embellishments, but they aren't my favorite colors and my SO's brother had a red/black wedding recently. Any ideas? Should I just ignore it? Do what my grandmother wants? Do as my aunts/uncles did and have two weddings?

Ms. Wan

There are things that can be super traditional to please your grandmother, and there are things that you can do because you want them.  Plus you may find that some of the super traditional stuff is great as well.  I don't think you need to have two weddings.  Many Chinese brides have a traditional western ceremony - dress, walk down the aisle, etc. Then some have a cocktail reception. They also have a Chinese tea ceremony. Then they top it off with a Chinese dinner reception.  So you can incorporate both traditional Chinese and American wedding styles.  In terms of colors, everything doesn't have to be so matchy (unless that's really important to you). I know many brides (including myself) who had shades of red/gold in their bilingual wedding invitations, but when it came down to colors of the wedding ceremony, there were no reds/golds. You also should also sit down with your grandmother and find out what she thinks should be included in your wedding.  I'm sure there are some areas (such as the ceremony or cocktail reception if you do that) where you have sole control over.  I hope that helps! 

ring_pop

There are lots of ways to honour your heritage without having a full-out traditional Chinese wedding (or a second wedding). The important thing is that YOU want to honour your heritage. Do you? I'm HK-Chinese and my husband is Indian, but we both grew up in Canada, so we tried to incorporate touches of our heritage without going completely in either direction.For example:- I included a Chinese invitation along with the English, and in the design I incorporated the double happiness symbol (as well as some Indian mehndi designs)- We had a tea ceremony for our parents, my grandmother, and our aunts and uncles- We had a mainly American-style dinner but included dishes like roast suckling pig, e-fu noodles, and fried rice- We served Chinese and Indian sweets on our dessert buffetI didn't use red and gold as my colours. I also didn't get an extra cheongsam, but it would have been another easy way to honour my culture.No, we didn't do anything the "traditional" way, but what was important was that we preserve the meaning of the traditions. We were lucky; since my husband is not Chinese, my parents were very understanding from the beginning that this was not going to be a full Chinese wedding. It just didn't feel right to have a full Chinese OR full Indian wedding because the wedding was supposed to be about US, not just either one of us. By the same token, being Chinese is only a part of you, so it would be nice to reflect that, but you and your fiance are a lot more than just that.If you think your grandmother is going to be very overbearing about having things a certain way, you need to at least get your parents on your side to have your wedding the way you want it. First, I'd think some more about how important your culture is to YOU, and use that as a guideline for planning your wedding. Good luck. Feel free to ask here about more specific ideas. It can be done!

foolforfood

Is your FI Chinese?  My parents can be super FOBish about some things, but when it came to our wedding, they relaxed some of their standards.  They really didn't care about things like finding an auspicous date, solely b/c I was marring into a non-Chinese family.  They figured, if his family didn't care about age old traditions, our family shouldn't be overbearing about them.  I had a Chinese tea ceremony at my venue right before the western ceremony and western reception.  I had some other Asian touches too.  I think you should ask your family, esp. your grandmother what their views are. I think a wedding is a family affair, but at the same time, you should have the day of your dreams.

Leese123

I agree with everyone, you don't need to have 2 separate weddings.  Incorporating some traditional Chinese aspects in your wedding will make it special for you, but you don't need to go all out.  My fiance is japanese and I'm chinese..and I am first in my generation to get married, so doing it properly was important but my family understood that there were 2 cultures involved...not 1 so it can't be 100% chinese. We are doing:-a tea ceremony for both families, ANd doing a civil ceremony (walking down aisle and all!)-we did not go with the traditional red or gold...we don't have any red in our colours...but I have to admit red and black are awesome and stylish colour combos..I would have done it if my fiance didn't hate red.-I'm changing into a chinese dress during reception-Our favors and menu cards are decorated with double happinese symbols..and we are giving away chopsticks.I got the same advice from lots of people...in the end it's your day..you should do however you like it...you will never be able to please everyone one...so make sure you are happy with it first.

NukaNayeli

Thanks for the suggestions! My FI is not Chinese, and none of my Chinese aunts/uncles have married another Chinese person. My grandmother seems to have lightened up on the amount of traditions as each one has gotten married, but who knows what she's going to do for her first granddaughter?I think I'm feeling the need to please everyone, when I really just want to get married and throw a party (which is becoming more and more like a reasonable thing for me and my FI). When I was younger and experienced all the multiple weddings of my aunts/uncles, I decided not to get married until after she died -- but she's a trooper and I'm not waiting another ten years. :P

jadedecaro

ask urself: do i want two weddings? do i want to include my chinese heritage into my wedding?if u dont, it's fine. if u want to please ur grandma(its ur wedding.) then include some traditional like the tea ceremony into it. it can be very unique!but if ur dont want to, then it's fine, it's YOUR wedding.(im full chinese and yes im born there and speak fluent chinese.but im not gonna have a chinese wedding.or, ill have two weddings but im not sure about that. i've been to so many chinese weddings, it's all the same thing! basically we are teasing the newlyweds(we cant even tease them completely!:( and then eat a lot of food.)red and gold sounds cute.but only do things that u set ur heart on.or if u do want to include chinese stuff, do a few touches that include it. it's gonna be cute.