New to the Board, and a dilemma

Daisyca99

Since I"m new to the Board, I'd like to introduce myself. I'm getting married in June (city hall) with a small dinner afterwards with our parents and siblings. Afterward, my FI/husband and I will be going to Taiwan so that my entire Taiwanese family can meet him (grandmas, aunties, etc).  I'm half Taiwanese on my mother's side and was raised by her and my stepdad, but she passed away when I was 18. I visit Taiwan to see my grandma every couple of years, but because of distance and language issues (I'm conversational in Mandarin, but not enough and her Mandarin isn't very good either), it's been difficult to retain my heritage as much as I'd like. My dilemma is how to incorporate Taiwanese/Chinese elements into the reception in Taiwan that traditionally apply to the bride. I told my grandma I would give her money for the reception and asked if we could do a tea ceremony. She responded that I would do it only for my husband's family since I'm technically "marrying out" of the family (my FI is not-Chinese and I don't think they're going to Taiwan). Since my grandma is very traditional, are there any other traditions that I can incorporate while we're there that can traditionally apply to the bride's family? I can't help but feel like an outsider right now

ring_pop

This is how my mom explained the tradition of the tea ceremony to me:1. The bride (only) serves tea to her family to say thanks for everything2. The bride goes over to the groom's house, and B&G serve to groom's family. That's when the bride officially joins the groom's family and they are considered married.3. B&G go back to bride's house and serve to bride's family one last time to thank them again. After that, the bride would finally leave her family to live with the groom's family.So, there is still a place for a tea ceremony with the bride's family.Tradition is a funny thing though. If the elders have it in their head that it's supposed to be a certain way, then that's the way it's going to be, even if they're wrong. So if your grandmother thinks it's improper to serve tea to your family, then there probably isn't much you can do to convince her otherwise.You can have a banquet dinner with your Taiwanese relatives with the traditional foods. You could wear a traditional gown. Would your aunts in Taiwan be willing to help you organize one? No one can say no to a banquet, can they? :)Good luck!

LuckyXinNiang

just wanted to say hello and welcome!

NJerseyABC

Welcome and GL with your planning! 

dreamincitrus

ring_pop pretty much said everything I would write. Welcome to the board. Everybody but my FI speaks Cantonese in his family, and it's hard for him to keep a connection with certain aspects of his culture and even his family because of that, so I can empathize with how you must feel at times. If you ever need to talk feel free to PM me anytime.

Daisyca99

Thank you everyone for your response. I talked to my grandma last night and mentioned to her I was afraid people wouldn't think I was Chinese/Taiwanese because I don't look Chinese (I look really white), I don't speak Mandarin very well, and the reception/banquet won't have any Chinese elements to it. She said not to worry since everyone will know that I am part of my family, and because my uncle thinks of me like his daughter, everyone will know I'm Chinese.As cheesy as it sounds, it did help a little (and brought a few tears). I'll also followup on the suggestion to get a Chinese-style dress Thanks, everyone!

tohruchan

daisyca, welcome to the boards! i hope its as helpful to you as it was during my wedding planning. i totally echo ringpop's sentiments. (great reply btw ringpop!) being open and honest with your grandma is the key and letting her know that what's important to her (e.g.tradition) is important to you.  even though its stressful now i'm sure it will all work out fine. having a taiwanese reception and getting a cheongsam or qipao is a good start!