Asian bride's frustration

twodresses

Not sure if any of you encounter this?  My fiance and I prefer a more westernized wedding, but my parents insist on keeping many traditions.  At one point, I felt like I couldn't communicate to them and almost every conversation led to a disagreement/argument.  My MOH told me to go ahead and do it the way I want it because my fiance and I are paying for the wedding and it's OUR wedding day.  I am a bit hesitant to go ahead doing it my way w/o consulting my mom because I don't want a wedding to ruin relationships.  We already argued over following topics:
--Kids vs. no kids.  Fiance and I don't want kids, but my parents want kids at the wedding.

--Picking out the wedding date.  My mom wants to pick out a good date following the lunar calendar and checking it with a fortune teller.  I do not believe in that.

--Picking out a venue.   My parents don't want a venue that it's too far away from where our relatives live.  Mind you, it's w/in 1-2 hrs drive. Our wedding is going to be held in NYC. A lot of Chinese relatives would not go out of their borough to attend a wedding and they don't know how to drive.

etc.. How can I possibly please everyone?! I know I can't and I won't.  But it's more frustrating than I thought..

sweetoro

I have the same fraustrations but with my fiance's parents.  With regards to picking out a date, they followed the chinese traditional rules - not to pick the month of jan, march, june, july, sept in lunar calendar.  So i'm basically left with no choice because I don't want it to be held in the hot summer days or freezing winter days.  So august would be perfect for me, however because my fiance's sis in law's due date is on the EXACT same day that i was planning so i have to postpone everything a MONTH later!!! In regards to picking out the venue, i wanted somewhere more westernize but serve chinese banquet so I picked Mudan in flushing, nyc.  However, my future mother in law said its too far for the relatives to go attend the wedding because most of them live in chinatown or brooklyn.  With all these disagreements, I am already loosing patience on planning my wedding because I feel like I have no control over ANYTHING for my OWN wedding!!!

keaibb

I am going through the same situation! Parents don't want us to go outside Chinatown or flushing. Those have been crossed out in my book bc I'm looking for something different and with better parking situation. I can't please everyone. I agree with losing control over my own wedding. Would it help to limit their input? Ask what 3 things they really want to see out of your wedding?

traditionalatthebeachbride

Hi, everyone I'm Jade.  I'm having my wedding in late summer next year, and I'm going thru the same thing!  My fiance and I are paying for the wedding, but it seems I have no saying in anything!  Example: our engagement party, it's overruled by my family.  Overall I have a blast, but now I learn.  Here's the tips I gather from friends and my experience...  It's easier for me because I'm a rebel child and my fiance is Caucasian and so are his families!  Advices: do what pleases you, it's your money and your wedding (but don't be a bridezilla, or over crazy about your up coming wedding), don't let them take control over your date but let them chose from the months you decided on for your wedding, I honestly don't care if my distance relatives can make it or not; they won't notice or appreciate your big day as much as you will be anyways.  I had such huge fight with my grandma that she got so pist and said she won't be at my wedding (she raised me as a child), now we made up since then.  It's not a happy feeling to argue with love ones, but let them get use to your idea of how you want your wedding.  After all, let them know what makes you happy, not what make them happy. 
P.s it's only advices. Good luck!