Help me with the day of schedule please

GilMoses

We are trying to figure out how our day of will work. We have a few opinions on when we can/should do certain things like bride and groom first dance, we will be doing a men and women seperate dance with mechitza for our first hora (15 minutes) and perhaps men and women seperate at some point later. We are taking our pictures before the event the cocktail hour bedekin / tisch starts at 4 pm so we thought around 515 ish have people head to the  outdoor chuppah? then ho should it nreak down as far as introductions after yichud (only doing a quick yichud) so we have appetizers,dances, main meal, dessert , father daughter, mother son dance, speeches and more dancing...so assuming a 515 ish chuppah move how should the rest of the day go until 10 pm
thanks

smilygrl17

I didn't vote. Weddings that I've gone to in the past or more modern people that had separate dancing and then also mixed dancing waited till after the first and second dance of separate dancing. Almost towards the end basically. That way, the religious people that are there that aren't comfortable being there for mixed dancing (even if they aren't dancing) can leave but still have been at the wedding a sufficient amount of time. The religious people who don't mix dance and don't care might stay just not dancing. In short, wait more towards the end to have mixed dancing, including mother son, father daughter, and first dance.

GilMoses

well the issue is we are not religious and we are trying to be respectful to the religious memebers of the wedding. So we are going to do some spearate dancing but dancing is our favorite thing and we are not willing to do so much separate. The fact is my uncles and family who are lubavitch we know will not participate but will not leave because of it.
That being said the brides father is aguda and his community may noot feel the same. We have done so much to appease teh religious contingent but our first dance we have been working on for months and we are not willing to wait as we want to get it done and over with so we can continue with the evening. My fiancees father said the worst part is the bride and groom dancing. But i really am not willing to compromise on that. So I am trying to understand the flow of teh rest of the night.

smilygrl17

Hmmm...I've lurked a bit on this board, so I know a bit about the issues you've been having. I can relate a bit, but at the same time not. My fiance comes from a VERY yeshivish family. I was frum for a long time, but became more secular, and my family has always been traditional. My fiance is a Kohein and my father is not Jewish and according to some, we can't marry. So because of that his family is not involved in our engagement/wedding. It is very sad for us, especially my fiance to not have his family, but at the same time we don't have to deal with some of these issues that you've been having. I really feel for you. I guess if some members of your family will stay but not participate thats great. But for those that won't really accept it, I don't know what to tell you. Obviously you want to enjoy your day and you're trying to accomodate all those around you, which is great! Unfortunately, not everyone is going to be pleased. Maybe speak with your future FIL and see if there is a time that you can have the mixed dancing that they'll either be comfortable with or if htey'll maybe leave early (not ask them to obviously).
Oh man, I dunno what to tell you (even though I just gave you a whole rant) But look, you are trying to make an effort and that counts. If the dance is important to you, do it. Like I said previously, maybe at the end it can be done.

Shoshie

It depends on the people. I've been to some where the religious people stayed, they just didn't dance... and some where they left when the dancing started.

Personally, I don't understand how being in the room is an issue when celebrating with the bride and groom is one of the highest mitzvot you can perform... but that's me