Religion?

nikkib92487

Hi there!! My boyfriend and I are not officially engaged yet, but we've been talking about it a lot, and one thing keeps sticking in my mind.  His mother (and therefore he) is Jewish, but they are not overly religious.   His grandparents are very religious and though they are okay with us getting married even though I'm not Jewish, I'm worried about the actual wedding.  Can we have a Jewish ceremony if I'm not Jewish?  Or incorporate certain aspects?  He has no idea and I don't want to ask his grandparents until we're officially engaged, but it worries me since I know it's important to them.  Thank you so much!

smilygrl17

You're defnintely not the first one that has had an interfaith ceremony, so don't worry there are plenty of resources out there.
Sometimes rabbis and priests will do the ceremony together and you can tie in different aspects, like having a chuppah and a unity candle. There are many other Jewish traditions, as well as I'm sure there are more Christian traditions, or other religious traditions that you can use.
Have fun with it! Make it meaningful for you and take bits and pieces from traditional religious ceremonies and use what you want! Plus it definitely makes it more personal!
I'm sure you can google interfaith ceremonies, but theres also an oldish book ('96) titled Interfaith wedding Ceremonies, by Joan C. Hawxhurst, which has samples from different interfaith weddings.
Its your day, your two religions combining, make it yours!

2dBride

Typically, Orthodox or Conservative rabbis will not perform an interfaith wedding.  Some Reform rabbis will.  If the rabbi of your FI's congregation (if he has one) will not, you might check out this link for a referral service for interfaith couples seeking a rabbi or cantor to officiate.

Another alternative would be to have a secular officiant, but incorporate some of the Jewish traditions.  For example, you could use a chuppah (wedding canopy), have an interfaith ketubah (formal wedding contract), break a glass at the end of the ceremony, etc.

I had a Jewish wedding, even though my wife is not Jewish.  You are welcome to check out my bio for ideas.

sakana1840

most Rabbis I have known will not perform interfaith ceremonies

unless they are ultra reformed

They might perform one if you are converting, but I think that'd be the only exception.

you can always get a justice of the peace to do a ceremony where you can do some interfaith incorperation

october010bride

Hi and welcome!

I know of one rabbi who will perform interfaith weddings and I know of even more cantors who will perform interfaith weddings... some are reform and some are conservative, all depends.

All of those clergy stipulate that the children will be raised Jewish, though, and that that the couples participate in "Judaism 101" classes... basically to ensure the other partner knows the religion and is familiar to what they are marrying into.

Feel free to ask tons of questions! And happy planning

rabbimichael

Good evening,

You can contact me at rabbimr13@aol.com and I will assist you inall the information that you may need.

Rabbi Michael Raab

239-404-7298

ki10

Don't worry too much about rabbis not performing interfaith ceremonies. If your SO's observant grandparents aren't complaining about you not being Jewish, no one is going to push for a religious ceremony. Secular officiants are a lot easier for interfaith couples, and probably more appropriate if someone is non-practicing.

That doesn't mean you can't incorporate Jewish aspects into the wedding! You're "allowed" to do anything you want, basically, and there's very little you'd get resistance from by his more observant relatives. In fact, I think they'll be pleased with any elements you include. Many of them are done in both religious and secular Jewish weddings, so they rarely offend. I would read through the Knot's Jewish wedding rundowns for a basic list. It's not the best resource, but you're already here and it's fairly thorough. Then google why they're done.

You should ask your SO what elements are important to him, or which he pictures having. Then make sure that the traditions behind them gel with his and your personal faiths. For example, I'd be uncomfortable with the Seven Blessings at my wedding because I'm an atheist. On the other hand, SO has always envisioned a chuppah, and I find its history beautiful and not offensive at a secular wedding.

Lauren6277

My husband and I decided to have civil ceremony with elements from each of our religions (I'm Jewish and he's Catholic). We did what was important to us but also made our parents happy. Our ceremony was absolutely beautiful (in my opinion) and, most importantly, unique to us.

There are some great books and tons of information online so that you can create a ceremony that works for you.

nikkib92487

All of those are great ideas!! As we get closer and actually set a date I'll probably be back to ask more questions, but thank you so much for all your help! I feel better about it already.