Jewish Weddings

Trying to combine faiths in ceremony - help?

I'd like to incorporate some Jewish elements into our ceremony in a personal way that feels meaningful to us, but I also don't want to inadvertently offend anyone. I'm thinking of the ketubah, breaking of the glass, and the hora dance. I have questions about the breaking of the glass below.

Note: A family friend will be our officiant, and though he has married couples in the past (he's in his late 60s), he is entirely unfamiliar with traditional weddings really of any kind.

Question: From my research, the breaking of the glass happens after a glass of wine is passed throughout the audience and given the seven blessings. The couple then drinks of the wine and stomps (typically) a different glass (so as to avoid getting wine everywhere). Is that correct? If so, would it be entirely weird to have my fiance's father (who is probably the most Jewish, practicing-wise, in the family) say the seven blessings in hebrew, and then have 6 other people say either a quote or a wish as a "blessing" of sorts before we break the glass? Would you find altering a tradition such as that in this way offensive? 

Background: My dad's family is Jewish (culturally, not religiously), and my fiance's family is Jewish (they attend an orthodox synagogue, but they are not orthodox). I would consider myself vaguely Christian, but, aside from a weird one-year stint at Catholic school, I've never attended church. My fiance definitely considers himself Jewish, but he doesn't fast for holidays and hasn't attended synagogue in a few years. 

Thank you!!
Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com

Re: Trying to combine faiths in ceremony - help?

  • I have never heard of or seen members of the audience drink the wine. Both my husband and I drank the wine after the blessing but that was it. We actually broke a light bulb because the pop was better sounding. 

    Anyways, you could have select guests read the 7 blessings in english and then have his father read them in Hebrew. Or like you said, your guests could say something a bit different than the traditional blessings. 

    Personally, I would be fine with this since it's an interfaith wedding but obviously that is different for everyone. 

    I would read Anita Diamant's New Jewish Wedding for ideas on how to incorporate Jewish traditions into your ceremony. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • Sorry if I miswrote, I didn't think the audience drank from it - just passed it to bless it. 

    Thanks!!
    Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_trying-to-combine-faiths-in-ceremony-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:628744fc-7b03-444c-a0b9-9910225deccdPost:6ab459d3-396c-4cfe-a140-2d4dfbda2710">Re: Trying to combine faiths in ceremony - help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry if I miswrote, I didn't think the audience drank from it - just passed it to bless it.  Thanks!!
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

    <div>I have never heard of that either.  

    </div><div>I think all the things you are thinking of are fine, and I second PP's suggestion to read Anita Diamant's The New Jewish Wedding.  We also used a light bulb instead of a glass.  I recommend using white wine--I was much less nervous about spilling than if we had used red.  If you have a ketubah, your officiant can read it during the ceremony.  </div>
  • Sorry - so the wine is PASSED through the audience to 7 people to bless it though? I didn't think they drank from it, just passed it. Is that where the confusion is? Is it typically "blessed" by the officiant (I put it in quotes since our officiant is not a rabbi). 
    Wedding Countdown Ticker whatshouldwecallweddings.tumblr.com
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_trying-to-combine-faiths-in-ceremony-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:628744fc-7b03-444c-a0b9-9910225deccdPost:1b6c4d4c-a8cf-4d13-b73e-ac9b9a31d009">Re: Trying to combine faiths in ceremony - help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Sorry - so the wine is PASSED through the audience to 7 people to bless it though? I didn't think they drank from it, just passed it. Is that where the confusion is? Is it typically "blessed" by the officiant (I put it in quotes since our officiant is not a rabbi). 
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]

    <div>Generally blessings in Judaism are not blessing the thing in the sense of making that thing holy; blessings are thanking G-d for that thing (look at the translation).  I don't think you need to pass the wine at all.  I would have your FI's dad say the seven blessings in Hebrew while holding the wine, and then either you and your FI both drink or different guests read translations (you can find more creative ones, if you want) and then you and your FI drink.  </div><div>
    </div><div>Also, FYI clergy are not the only ones that can perform Jewish weddings--any Jewish person can.  </div><div>
    Again, I highly recommend Anita Diamant's book.  It's a quick and easy read and a good reference.  It will help you understand the various customs and allow you and your FI to decide what you would like to incorporate.</div>
  • edited October 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_trying-to-combine-faiths-in-ceremony-help?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:628744fc-7b03-444c-a0b9-9910225deccdPost:295b417d-3fa3-4da4-87b9-d774a37751dd">Trying to combine faiths in ceremony - help?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'd like to incorporate some Jewish elements into our ceremony in a personal way that feels meaningful to us, but I also don't want to inadvertently offend anyone. I'm thinking of the ketubah, breaking of the glass, and the hora dance.
    Posted by emeejeeayen[/QUOTE]
    <p class="p1">Hi! I'm Nina, one of the founders of <a rel="nofollow" href="http://thisisnotaketubah.com/">This is Not a Ketubah</a>. We are a young group of artist that came together for our love of Art and Jewish traditions. We have a dedication to fulfilling the hiddur mitzvah of making Jewish art and helping support Argentina's Jewish orphanages. I would love to work with you are your FI. If you want any help finding an awesome Ketubah — just ask!!!</p>
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards