Jewish Weddings

Meeting with the Rabbi!!

I'm both nervous AND excited as my FI and I are meeting with our (potential/probable) rabbi next week! 

I could use some advice/thoughts on two things:
1) my FI is extremely picky - as he should be - about the rabbi that marries us. I really want him to like this rabbi from my parents' shul, but how can I encourage him to keep an open mind??

2) What questions should we absolutely ask the rabbi? I feel like we could talk for hours with him - what should I make sure is covered? 

Thank you - and wish me luck!
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Re: Meeting with the Rabbi!!

  • ShoshieShoshie member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Congrats!

    I would pick up Anita Diaman't "New Jewish Wedding" as a starting point - if you haven't already.

    It will have areas you'll want to talk about with the rabbi.

    As for keeping an open mind - it's hard with guys. I'll tell DH keep an open mind -- and sometimes he will, and sometimes he won't. (usually he's happy at the end, so I can gloat a little at his stubborness).

    Encourage him to write down some questions as well... what is it HE is looking for in a rabbi?
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  • reebsreebsreebsreebs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    It sounds like you've made up your mind about this rabbi, and want your FI to love him too.  So the best thing to do is ask your FI to not make a decision at the first meeting and to agree to talk about it after.  Also, before you go talk about each of your visions for the ceremony and what you want it to be. Then you can see where you agree and where you will need help reconciling the visions.  You can ask the rabbi for that help.

    Your rabbi may require pre-marital counseling. He or she also may have other requirements- a kosher meal, sleeves on your dress, a one ring ceremony, a pre-nup (Lieberman Clause), your use of the mikvah, etc. 

    If you have a clear, shared, vision of the chuppah ceremony before you meet with the rabbi you will be better able to determine if this is the right rabbi for you.

    Good luck and Mazel Tov!
  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    among the other things mentioned... i'd ask about what he requires as far as the ketubah witnesses go.  some rabbis require only jewish males, some require them to be shomer mitzvot.  also some rabbis do not want your wedding band to have any diamonds/stones on it so if that is something you want i'd inquire!
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  • RachiemooRachiemoo member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    oh and good luck shari!
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  • edited December 2011
    You girls are truly fabulous -- thank you for all the great advice!!

    I picked up the Anita Diamant book and it's incredible - you were right on with that recommendation. 

    And... funny story -- my FI saw a girl on a bus reading the same book, and commented to her "oh, my fiancee is reading that too!" - funny enough, he then realized the girl was a friend of mine who is getting married in May! I guess the word has spread to all the Jewish brides-to-be around NYC!

    Thanks again for all your help.
    Shari
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  • jfernandes86jfernandes86 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Just met with our rabbi and I found that having her go through each marriage tradition in order, from the auf ruf to the breaking of the glass, and pointing out traditions she considered obligatory vs. optional is super helpful.  It helps with planning and shaping what you want your ceremony to be like, and you're able to take into consideration what traditions the rabbi will want performed.  the book is great and should give you a great overview of everything. 

    Not related to Jewish traidtions, but you may also want to ask about flowers at/around the chuppah - our rabbi offered up the information that she's allergic to flowers so not to have too many in the chuppah area.  if your rabbi is allergic, he'll probably offer info up, but doesn't hurt to ask i guess!
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