invite the rabbi?

sterbs

Are we supposed to do this?  Neither my fiance nor I are members of his congregation and we have just hired him to perform the ceremony.  We like him a lot and will meet with him at least twice more before the wedding but I don't know the protoccol here.  I don't necessarily WANT to invite him but we want to do the right thing. 

If we do decide to invite him, does he get a formal invitation?  I assume I would invite his wife as well.  Do rabbis like this typically accept?  Not that two more people will break us but this thing is starting to get out of control.   Thanks!

   

jessicabessica

We invited our cantor and his wife.  We aren't members of his shul and we didn't know him before this, but we like him, and it seems like people generally invite the officiant.  However, we knew when we invited him that he has to leave our wedding after the ceremony to go to another wedding, but we also wanted him to know he was welcome to stay however long he could and also attend our other weekend events.  I also think that sending a formal invitation is a nice gesture. 

ucfandrea

We're inviting ours (and his wife).  We are not members of his congregation, but years ago (read: before college) I babysat for his daughters.  However, we're having a small-ish (less than 100 people) wedding so were he not the officiant, he would not have "made the cut", so to speak.

JoBell123

Our cantor is staying for the cocktail hour, but not the dinner.

LBRM_NJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_invite-rabbi?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:399Discussion:95051931-f0c9-4ada-accf-c56f2ba5e504Post:b3afcf42-0c62-49da-a067-beceb5b0d413">Re: invite the rabbi?</a>:
[QUOTE]Our cantor is staying for the cocktail hour, but not the dinner.
Posted by JoBell123[/QUOTE]

This is what my rabbi did.  We did invite he and his wife, but, he was my rabbi growing up.

sterbs

Okay - so it seems like we should extend an invitation.  Do we send a formal invitation? Or is it enough to say "we would love it if you and your wife joined us for the reception?"  Or something like that.

ciaraman

I would send a formal invitation.  Personally, if I just got "we'd love it if you joined us" but got no invitation, I'd feel awkward about staying. Plus w/o an invite there's no reply card for you to know if they're staying.

We invited both our rabbi who's officiating, and our rabbi from our shul here in south fla.  But the officiating rabbi was FI's rabbi growing up and a family friend, so we would have invited him regardless.

Musicheals71

I sent a formal invitation to the rabbi and his wife.  He came to the reception, but his wife did not.  She was busy.

october010bride

Yep, send a formal invite. If you don't have a relationship with the rabbi he probably won't attend anyways.

My hubby knew our rabbi and cantor his entire life and they didn't even stay for the reception.

texasmfs

The proper ettiquite (which you should always feel an option to follow or not) as you see fit is to invite the officient with a formal invitation.  As a former Director of Life Cycles for a major congregation the officients often use the invitations to remind them of the logistical details such as time, location, formality of the occastion, etc.  It is also is something representative of the two of you as a couple and therefore might work it's way into the rabbi's drash to the two of you.  Don't fret about the "size, getting out of control" if you don't have a particularly close relationship and/or you've hired this person s/he probably won't attend.  Don't forget if s/he does attend to make sure you know about any special dietary restrictions for him/her.  You can check out my blog at http://www.themodernjewishwedding.com for more information! 

boston88

You should absolutely send a formal invitation to the Rabbi and his wife.  Most rabbis don't attend the reception anyway.  The only one I saw that did stayed for the food and left right after, but 90% of the weddings I've been to they've left.   We invited our rabbi and her wife, but I think they aren't staying beyong the cocktail hour.  And I agree with others that it is helpful for the rabbi to have all the logistics (time, names of parents, directions, etc.)

2dBride

I think that inviting the rabbi is considered a courtesy--but he probably won't come anyway if you didn't know him before wedding planning.  It's just not that much fun for a rabbi to come to a reception where he doesn't know anyone.