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Who held your chuppah poles?

reebsreebsreebsreebs member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Jewish Weddings
We are having a mild debate about who we want to have do this honor. We both originally assumed the 4 parental units (my two parents, his mom, his mom's partner). But the partner and my mom both have occasional health issues that may or may not make it uncomfortable for them to stand that long. We each have a sibling who would step in with no notice, so back up plan is there. But now I'm  wondering if we should honor friends with this instead. We don't have bridesmaids or groomsmen, so the chuppah holders will likely be the only folks standing up there with us (and possible the two siblings).
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Re: Who held your chuppah poles?

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    vlevittvlevitt
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    we each honoured two very close friends as chuppah holders.  my choices were a cousin whom i'm extremely close with, and a very close childhood friend.  DH chose two extremely close friends.  we each have a single sibling, and they joined us as attendants under the chuppah.  my sister and his brother each held the rings.  our parents stood up with us as well.

    our friends were very honoured to be asked to hold the poles, and it worked out great.  we were really happy to have such close friends with us under the chuppah.
    FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family
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    Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    My chuppah was free-standing, so no "pole holders" were necessary.
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    tenofcups4metenofcups4me member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    No chuppah for my second marriage; at the first one it was freestanding. I know it's supposed to  be an "honor" to be asked to hold the poles, but to me the idea of having to stand and hold poles sounds absolutely horrible -- I literally can't imagine something I'd less like to be asked to do at a wedding.

    I really wouldn't ask your parents to do this. Their honor is to stand up with you (or sit if they can't stand), and I would think it would be particularly difficult for someone older and/or with health issues to hold the poles. If you must have pole holders, I'd ask younger/healthy friends and or family.
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    reebsreebsreebsreebs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_held-chuppah-poles?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:cc00db8f-6c07-4f25-8256-58a86c8f80f0Post:2a82d5ee-51ea-43fb-aac2-e6cd818031e3">Re: Who held your chuppah poles?</a>:
    [QUOTE]we each honoured two very close friends as chuppah holders.  my choices were a cousin whom i'm extremely close with, and a very close childhood friend.  DH chose two extremely close friends.  we each have a single sibling, and they joined us as attendants under the chuppah.  my sister and his brother each held the rings.  our parents stood up with us as well. our friends were very honoured to be asked to hold the poles, and it worked out great.  we were really happy to have such close friends with us under the chuppah.
    Posted by vlevitt[/QUOTE]

    Did it feel crowded in/around your chuppah?  We are worried about having too many people up there, and feel like our parents and siblings should be there. We could do sibs and a close friend each as pole holders and parents just stand there (or sit if they are having medical issues). But that is 8 people, plus us, plus rabbis!
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    slbriz34slbriz34
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    edited December 2011
    Your parents can stand next to you both outside of the chuppah, and I'd give the honors to other family members or meaningful friends.  We chose to have them walk us but not have them stand up with us - part of it was not wanting too many folks but another was to start this new journey on our own, sans parents.  They sat in the front row on the respective families side after walking us down.
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    parker624parker624
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree not having your parents do it.  They are supposed to be under the chuppah with you for the ceremony.   At our wedding, our siblings stood under the chuppah with us as well.  We did not have pole holders.

    I'd say ask 4 close friends to do it.
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    Musicheals71Musicheals71 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    The only people under the chuppah with me were my husband and the rabbi.  Our parents flanked us on either side OUTSIDE the chuppah.
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    october010brideoctober010bride
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Our chuppah is free standing as well. but I agree with Musicheals.. our parents will stand on the edges of the chuppah, not underneath the chuppah.
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    2dBride2dBride member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had a free-standing chuppah.  There were only a dozen guests in the ceremony, and every one of them was already participating in some way (a maid of honor, a dude of honor, one did a reading, seven did the seven blessings, one was videotaping, one operated the music CD, one did ha motzi).

    Our parents were not at the ceremony.  However, the chuppah was 8' x 8', which meant that there was plenty of room under there for the maid of honor and dude of honor, as well as the rabbi and us.

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    vlevittvlevitt
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    ditto other posters...under the chuppah were only  us two, and the rabbi.  parents and sibs were outside the chuppah flanking us, and of course pole holders were at the corners. it wasn't crowded at all. 

    and, again - to add on to what others have said, i don't think your parents should be  holding the poles. 

    v.
    FuzziBunz at Nurtured Family
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    reebsreebsreebsreebs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks everyone. I'll have a conversation with my FI about this and see what happens.
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    leoraannaleoraanna member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My brother, and my two step sisters and my step brother in law are carrying the chuppah in and then placing them in stands
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