Jewish Weddings

Any Special Traditions to Your Ceremony?

Hello Brides to Be and Brides! Things are going smoothly (for once). Our wedding will be here at our new shul and both our old rabbi and our new one will be working on the service together. We are Conservative and will have a traditional Conservative ceremony. We plan on the auf ruf for the Saturday prior (has anyone done this? If so, please tell me about it). We will also be doing the ten'aim. Tis is an old tradition of the engagement where both families agree. We will be doing this on Saturday evening at the Inn with just our fmaily and our old rabbi. Has anyone else done this? I was told we could write our own words to one another since our ceremony is formal. I am curious if any of you are adding something or doing something special for your ceremony or have done. I can officially say I am getting very excited!!!

Re: Any Special Traditions to Your Ceremony?

  • reebsreebsreebsreebs member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We will be doing an auf ruf, probably the Shabbat before our ceremony. I'm really looking forward to it. We did an engagement announcement in Sul last shabbat which is a bit like an auf ruf (went up during the Torah service and had a joint aleyah, then rabbi gave a mischaberach). It was really meaningful.  During the auf ruf you go up for the mischaberach and then the congregation showers you with candy. You can have kids in your family hand the candy out, if you want. And you'll want soft kosher candy (those individually wraped jelly candies work well).

    We aren't adding specific "vows" to our huppah, as the whole "love honor and cherish" thing isn't a very jewish tradition.  We are separating our huppah and our civil ceremony in time (by a few months) so may do goofy vows for the civil ceremony (which will just be me, FI, two witnesses and the marriage comissioner). Not sure what, if anything we will do for ten'aim.

    Let us know what you choose to do!
  • edited December 2011
    We had the aufruf the Shabbat before (which was the day before for our purposes).  It was at our shul with just his immediate family in attendance.  DH was called up to have his aaliyah, instead of throwing candy then we waited as DH also wanted to lift the Torah.  I was then called up and the rabbi said a few words and we were pelted with candies while everyone sang Simon Tov and we did a little dance on the bimah.  The Shabbat services continued and after services, we had a lunch - which his mother sponsored.

    After that, we went back home and I went to the hotel to stay the night and we didn't see each other until the next day for pre-wedding pictures before heading back to the synagogue for family portraits, ketubah/marriage certificate signings, and the ceremony (we didn't have a tisch or any other the other activities). 
  • edited December 2011
    we had our auf ruf the thursday morning mincha before our wedding.  We thought it would be too stressful to do it the saturday before our sunday wedding, but we wanted his parents to be there (they live out of town).  Thursday morning was perfect because it was very intimate, and my aunts and grandma were there to share it with us, then we hosted the breakfast and a l'chaim (brought in bagels, lox, and cream cheese).  I'm pretty sure that if we had done the auf ruf on saturday we'd have to host the oneg, which would be much more expensive.

    We also started a tradition in my family where the men and women each do a tish.  The women's tish is so nice; anyone who wants to can come up to the bride and tell a story about her or give her some advice for the marriage.  After giving the advice they put one of those decorative stones in a vase for the bride to take with her and decorate her new house. 
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thanks! We are planning the auf ruf for the Saturday right before the wedding. I wasn't sure if the candies were thrown in Conservative shul; but I'll be sure to have some available. Also, we will be sponsoring the kiddush. We were going to do the oneg shabbat for Friday night as well; but I guess the kiddush will be fine. I think as far as family goes, only my family will be there. Fi's family is flying in that Saturday; but they are not very religious and I am not sure about sitting them through a 2.5 hour service after a flight.

    Our ketubah signing and bedeken will be done with just our family members and then the ceremony!  Today, we decided on the cake and we return Thursday evening for additional tasting because we couldn't decide which flavors for the top 2 tiers.
  • edited December 2011
    we also did an aufruf on the wedding weekend. my inlaws were founders of their(relatively small) shul, and we have several friends who are rabbis or reguularly lead services, we also essentially took over the service too. so friends and family did different parts of the service and added their special touches to it.  the service was absolutely beautiful!  I also read from the torah, and DH gave a d'var torah as well as getting a joint aliyah together. 

    the day before, in lieu of a rehearsal dinner (we didn't do a rehearsal at all) we invited OOT guests and close friends and family to a havdallah service and cocktails reception.  havdallah was also lead by friends and we had speeches there as well.

    at the wedding we each held a tisch, and bedekken/ketubah signing was public.  i highly highly highly recommend this tradition!  a public bedekken is so meaningful and beautiful.

    as our enagment was quite long (18 months) we did our t'naim about 14 months before the wedding and designed a whole public ritual around it.  we wrote our own t'naim document, designed a ritual and invited our entire community to participate.  it was really beautiful, and yes, has a lot more versatility than the traditional ceremony, because it doesn't have as many of the strict traditions attached to it. if you'd like some more info on our t'naim ceremony i can send that to you.

    we had a traditional ceremony, but the rabbi asked us to each write him one page's worth of things we admire about each other, and ways our lives have changed because of each other.  he read this during a transitional moment, and it was really beeautiful to have that moment of personalization.  for the sheva brachot, we wrote our own loose translations, and the rabbi read the hebrew, while we had various groups of friends and family come up and read the english together.  that part was also totally amazing!

    good luck with your planning!  we really had a great time putting together a ceremony and other rituals that were meaningful to us.  my advice is put a lot of time and thought into the ritual aspects of your wedding.  it's easily overlooked, but is so much the core of the event.  

    have fun!
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Sure a copy of the t'naim would be great. My email is hadassah23 @ hotmail . com
  • edited December 2011
  • derrilynderrilyn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_special-traditions-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:d2fb91a1-a199-4a94-8e4c-e15af15b7e52Post:3b90c05e-5788-4932-ab45-ce5d8e68b6a4">Re: Any Special Traditions to Your Ceremony?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We are separating our huppah and our civil ceremony in time (by a few months)
    Posted by reebsreebs[/QUOTE]

    Can you explain more about this?  Like what made you decide to do that and any idea how common it is?  I'm asking because I recently lost my job and FI and I are thinking about pushing up just the civil ceremony (we were planning our wedding for next summer) for financial reasons.  I'm trying to be okay with having the "real" wedding when we're already married.  I think we're going to talk to a rabbi about it, but any information you can share would be much appreciated :).
  • Jeni35Jeni35 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We thought of doing this as well because of our move. We did ask our rabbi and he was okay with it; but in the end, we decided not to. If you choose to do this, some people will consider you "married" and see no point in attending your actual wedding. In my eyes, the civil one is a legal commitment, whereas the religious ceremony is the wedding and the only thing that personally matters, as it is under G-d. I'd say, if you went with it- to keep it to yourself. It may help you both become relaxed before the "big" day.
  • derrilynderrilyn member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If we do it, we would only include/tell immediate family.  Thanks for your input, it helps put things in perspective :).
  • razdazzlerazdazzle member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We had an aufruf the saturday before the wedding - it was really special.  Our immediate family members came with us.  DH and I were called up for an aaliyah and the rabbi did a special blessing for us.  Our parents went up for taking the torah out and our siblings went up for the ark closing.  We sponsored a lunch afterwards.  It was a really nice way to celebrate over the weekend.   
  • mickeypottermickeypotter member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Love the idea of the auf ruf on the Thursday before.
  • edited December 2011
    If you can get away with doing your aufruf earlier (no more than a week say), then I'd do it.  We couldn't because of folks coming in (his siblings) and the synagogue was having an event the Shabbat a week before - which is when we really wanted to do it, so it made for a very busy weekend.  Fortunately, most everyone let us have our peace for about 2 weeks afterwards - which is really a welcome thing.
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