Jewish Wedding on a Fri Night - oy vey

sposter

Does anyone know of a (very) reformed rabbi or cantor that would do a fri night wedding (not in the temple)????

slbriz34

Try interfaithfamily.com - many of the rabbis, who are okay with performing interfaith weddings, may be okay with performing a Friday night wedding.

Does the wedding have to be on a Friday night?  Have you considered Saturday night, after Shabbat?  GL but be prepared to have a very difficult search.

Danaz1

I don't think it is a jewish wedding if it is on a friday night that is basically one of the main no no's in jewish weddings.  

tenofcups4me

I know a lot of people who have had interfaith weddings and a lot of super-reform weddings that have taken place on Saturday night before actual sundown... but I've personally never heard of a rabbi willing to do a Friday night wedding. If you're trying to stay away from Saturday night, how about Sunday night or Sunday day?

silversparks

Is the wedding in the summer? If sundown isn't until later, there's technically nothing wrong with the ceremony being Friday evening before Shabbat starts.

goldgold

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_jewish-wedding-fri-night-oy-vey?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:f3795c42-6d6d-48b5-9bde-403a5b21b67fPost:0540764d-88f9-40fd-a756-eb0b6e8fe8d3">Re: Jewish Wedding on a Fri Night - oy vey</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it is a jewish wedding if it is on a friday night that is basically one of the main no no's in jewish weddings.  
Posted by Danaz1[/QUOTE]

I think the only problem is music, photography, etc. that wouldn't be allowed for Shabbat. I wouldn't say it's not a Jewish wedding.

Shoshie

Just because the bride is jewish and the groom is jewish doesn't mean it is a Jewish wedding.

I drive on the Sabbath, get massages on the Sabbath and spend money on the Sabbath -- but no way would I have ever gotten married on it.

Why not get married on a different night?

lynniearudner

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_jewish-wedding-fri-night-oy-vey?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:f3795c42-6d6d-48b5-9bde-403a5b21b67fPost:305089f7-28c5-413f-bd81-7e80b62c19ad">Re: Jewish Wedding on a Fri Night - oy vey</a>:
[QUOTE]I drive on the Sabbath, get massages on the Sabbath and spend money on the Sabbath -- but no way would I have ever gotten married on it. 
Posted by Shoshie[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I think for the EXACT reason, it might be OK for some people who are Jewish to get married on Friday night. </div><div>
</div><div>You interpret your judaism to mean that you can do all those things on Shabbat, but not marry (i happen to practice that way, too) but at the same time i don't think that means that there are not other Jews who are even more permissive than we are. I don't think its our place to judge them.</div><div>
</div><div>For me, at least, the last thing i want to do is scare off someone who values Judaism (enough to try to find a rabbi, etc) by telling her that "her version" is not ok. </div><div>

</div>

Shoshie

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_jewish-weddings_jewish-wedding-fri-night-oy-vey?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:399Discussion:f3795c42-6d6d-48b5-9bde-403a5b21b67fPost:084fe7f9-68ac-4194-821e-9a0a4ffb172c">Re: Jewish Wedding on a Fri Night - oy vey</a>:
[QUOTE] For me, at least, the last thing i want to do is scare off someone who values Judaism (enough to try to find a rabbi, etc) by telling her that "her version" is not ok. 
Posted by lynniearudner[/QUOTE]

I didn't say her version wasn't OK -- I just feel if you have to work that hard to get a rent a rabbi who doesn't know you -- you might be better off getting a judge or JOP and adding in the traditions you want.

It was her first knot post -- two weeks ago -- and she hasn't been back since. She asked, I answered. IMHO, if you are going to ask a question, you should hang around for the answer.

And I got another monkey wrench for her: according to her bio, she's getting married on Rosh Hashanah. <img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-sealed.gif" border="0" alt="Sealed" title="Sealed" />

lynniearudner

Hmm, that is a little weird. I wonder if she figured out it was Rosh Hashanah and that changed things.....I'm pretty sure there is not an ordained rabbi out there who could/would do that. 

I'm not saying I would do what she is doing. It's not the way I practice Judaism, either. But having grown up in a relatively insulated Jewish community, and now marrying a non-jew, I've started to feel, for the first time, some of the negative judgement that we Jews place on one another. It's new to me -- I went to Solomon Schechter, I went to and worked at a glatt kosher summer camp for 12 years, etc. My judaism is very important to me!

Now, though, I'm surprised at how much negative feedback and criticism I am getting about "whether I practice judaism correctly" since I am marrying a non-new. I would never have imagined (or maybe I was in denial) that we, a dwindling people, would practically cast out our own over the way that we practice (or dont practice). I thought we were above that. 

Maybe my recent experiences have made me uber-sensitive to other people and their freedom to interpret and practice judaism as they see fit. I dont know. 

sposter

Ok girls, for those who said I didn't come back, here I am.  I was away.
And yes I did realize it is rosh hasanah, but after we had already given a deposit.  Usually it comes later in the month, but just my luck!!!  HOWEVER, it ends at sundown that night so it will be over in time for the ceremony.  Many reformed jews, such as I am, and also Israelis don't observe the 2nd day of rosh hasanah. 
My main reason wh I want a rabbi is because I know that my parents will be watching and are dancing up there in New Montefiore with a smile from ear to ear and having a jewish ceremony would make them even happier, since we are both Jewish.  However, the ceremony is not as important as the Katubah, since we were both brought up to respect our judaism   My back up plan is to have a friend of mine who is a judge perform the ceremony and we will go to the rabbi's study either before or after the big day.
Thanks for all your feedback!!

lachlom

My response is going to be interpreted as VERY judgmental, but I am a practicing Orthodox Jew, so please understand where I am coming from.

For a wedding to be a Jewish wedding, you must follow certain halacha--Jewish law. One of these laws says that a Jewish wedding according to Jewish law cannot take place on the Sabbath. This is because the Sabbath is the most holy day, and you cannot overshadow the kedusha(holiness) of Shabbat with the simcha/kedusha of a wedding. Being married civilly does not make you Jewishly married, and being Jewishly married does not make you civilly married in America. They are separate things. If you want to get married civilly, aka secularly, more power to you. Do it on Shabbat Rosh Hashana all you want. However, this won't be a Jewish marriage by Jewish law. So if being Jewishly married is important to you, this isn't the route you should take, and perhaps you should have pulled out ye olde hebrew calendar first.

I'm not trying to scare anyone off from anything, but fooling yourself into believing you're having a Jewish marriage according to Jewish law of any major movement of Judaism is not a good thing. It's totally fine to just be married civilly if that's what you choose, but it's not the same thing.

Rachiemoo

I have to say that I agree with everything lachlom said. 

Musicheals71

I'm definitely NOT Orthodox (bought up Conservative, leaning toward Reform, but getting married in a Conservative synagogue on a Sunday afternoon), but I wholeheartedly agree with lachlom as well.

RedZee

I wanted to add a few things.

1. I think a major reason weddings are not allowed on Shabbat is for exactly the thing that you think is important - the ketubah. A ketubah is a contract and you are not allowed to conduct business and sign contracts on Shabbat.

2. Rosh Hashanah is always 2 days - even in Israel. This is a common misperception. The only holidays that are longer in the US are Passover, Shavuot, and Sukkot. People might decide that they aren't going to celebrate the second day of RH, but that has nothing to do with being Israeli.

3. It might be a good idea to have the 2 ceremonies separately. We did our civil ceremony 6 months before our religious ceremony. It's fairly common to do this so if having a ketubah is important to you, it's a good option.

slbriz34

Ditto RedZee - no matter if you didn't use photography, music, etc., you couldn't get married on Shabbat because you cannot enter into a contract on the Sabbath.

But that said, everyone creates his/her own level of Judaism and while I don't agree, it's not for me to judge.  I sincerely doubt you'll find a rabbi, but even if you did, you, and importantly your kids, may find problems later if your marriage is deemed invalid per halacha laws - and you want to avoid that at all costs.

If you are looking at a Friday because of a particular date, then you can have a small civil ceremony with close family and friends and then a Jewish wedding another time.  Otherwise, I'd really advise at looking either early in the day on Friday, Saturday after Shabbat, or Sunday around the timeframe you are looking.  And this is probably won't most rabbis will tell you as well.  GL.