****HELPFUL REPLIES NEEDED****

KBritton62313

Okay ladies, My FI called off the wedding and said we need to focus on our relationship! I get that because of myself being depressed, my saddness grew and took over my life and finally I am out of my depression and ready to continue on with life but I can't becasue I have nearly destroyed it! We are getting back to us falling in love with each other all over again and it's taken 2 weeks to do that, FI's grades are improving and we are talking more than we ever have in the past 2 months! I feel like the wedding should be back on but he's scared that I will neglect our relationship again!(I guarantee I won't!) I want to marry him and he wants to marry me he's just scared that I will somehow become sad again! How can I convince him in 1 month( our wedding is in 4months and 7 days away!!!) that he should have no fear in calling the wedding back on???

Thanks for the help and for reading so much!

mrsmtothek

First off, I'm so sorry to hear this news I can't imagine what you're going through right now. It must be completely heartbreaking to hear this only 4 months away from your wedding when you have so much already paid for and lined up.

There are several red flags that I'm seeing here, the main one being that at some point you fell out of love with one another and consider 2 weeks to be a long enough guarantee that everything is back on track again. Were you depressed when your fiance proposed to you? How long ago did he propose? How long have you two been together and how long have you been engaged? Have you felt like your relationship has been deteriorating throughout your engagement? These questions are essential to understanding the timeline of your relationship and why he has decided to pull the plug now, as opposed to having a longer engagement or waiting to propose until your relationship was on more solid ground. 

Regardless of what these answers are, when someone makes a decision like this there is no "convincing" them of otherwise. Either he is having doubts about your relationship or ultimately can't commit to the idea of marrying you and won't admit it. Trying to force him to feel different will only end badly, and if you truly want your relationship to work you will need to prove to him over time that it can and will last. Clearly he needs more evidence of that than what he has right now.

Again, I'm so sorry.

KBritton62313

I was not depressed when he proposed and I think everyone falls in and out of love. I always fall in love with him again when we just sit and talk or he makes a joke. Just any little thing that I do with him makes me feel like I did so many years ago. He popped the question almost 2 years ago. And We've been together 3 years! He's a straightforward guy and I know that he is doing this not to hurt me but to help us rebuild now. I'm still planning and I'm about to purchase invitations and I just don't know what else to do to speed up the process. I never stopped loving him! I don't know if I ever will. We really need to still get married as he's in the Army. I don't want to say that the wedding will not be happening because I have dreamed of this moment ever since I was a child and to have him call it off just to get my attention is really upsetting! But I will get him to understand that I was going through a sad phase in my life and I'm ready to get on with our life (HOPEFULLY!)!
Thank you for understanding, if he agrees to continue on with the wedding ceremony then I will post and ever estatic post!!


In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_february-2013-weddings_helpful-replies-needed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3a41aca6-a01d-4389-ae9d-4d0ec4c1d0faDiscussion:2b51b0ce-8900-4c79-b27a-207d49ef466fPost:0e0bd183-c4cf-4cff-bef5-da2ddfafe670">Re: ****HELPFUL REPLIES NEEDED****</a>:
[QUOTE]First off, I'm so sorry to hear this news :( I can't imagine what you're going through right now. It must be completely heartbreaking to hear this only 4 months away from your wedding when you have so much already paid for and lined up. There are several red flags that I'm seeing here, the main one being that at some point you fell out of love with one another and consider 2 weeks to be a long enough guarantee that everything is back on track again. Were you depressed when your fiance proposed to you? How long ago did he propose? How long have you two been together and how long have you been engaged? Have you felt like your relationship has been deteriorating throughout your engagement? These questions are essential to understanding the timeline of your relationship and why he has decided to pull the plug now, as opposed to having a longer engagement or waiting to propose until your relationship was on more solid ground.  Regardless of what these answers are, when someone makes a decision like this there is no "convincing" them of otherwise. Either he is having doubts about your relationship or ultimately can't commit to the idea of marrying you and won't admit it. Trying to force him to feel different will only end badly, and if you truly want your relationship to work you will need to prove to him over time that it can and will last. Clearly he needs more evidence of that than what he has right now. Again, I'm so sorry. :(
Posted by mckemowse[/QUOTE]

AmoLovesAud

Calling off a wedding is a really serious thing, and something you should take seriously by halting your planning.  Continuing to plan tells him that you're not taking his problem seriously, and he may feel backed in to a corner, like you're not giving him the option to call it off/delay and actually discuss his concerns.  I wouldn't start planning again until you BOTH agree to do so.

3 years of dating might seem like a lot, but its really not in the sceme of things.  FI and I celebrated our 8th dating anniversary a few weeks before getting engaged.  If you truely want to spend the rest of your life with this person, a few extra months of waiting to get married should be doable.  It'll be much better than rushing in to it now, with a groom that's not sure, causing him to feel trapped and having larger issues down the road.

KBritton62313

Okay Ladies! I will stop planning!

ladystrange25

Have you considered marriage counseling?  I know my state offers free pre-marriage counseling course through the court system.