June 2012 Weddings

Bridesmaids Unconscious Actions

Okay Ladies! Please, Help me!!!!
So I knew right away, who I wanted to be in my wedding party!  Well, after I ask all my girls, we were all very excited.  Right after I had gotten engaged, there was a bridal show that I invited all the girls to go with me.  There was a dress on a model that we both fell in love with. We had planned on dates to go look at dresses.  Well one of my bridesmaids has bailed BOTH times that we had plans to go.  The first time (a thursday night), she used the excuse "I have to pack to go home for the weekend" (she lives an hour away, and would be gone for 1 night)  then the second time her excuse was "My boyfriend will be in town, so I'm going to have to pass" (her boyfriend was in town for about 2 1/2 weeks) .  When I got back from trying on dresses the first time, she ask if I had tried on the one that we had seen.  I told her I had, and that I liked it a lot.  She got mad because thats the dress that she wants for her wedding.  (She is not engaged, and has only been dating her boyfriend for 3 months).  Also whenever her boyfriend is in town for weeks at a time, I don't hear a word from her.  There have been a lot of similar situations, That she is very worried about herself!  I didn't see this side of her until after I ask her to be in my wedding.  Am I overreacting?!  I am usually a very relaxed, go with the flow girl.  But, this upsets me a lot.  Any suggestions on what I can say to her?
image
Me and my MOH
June 2012, May Siggy Challenge

Re: Bridesmaids Unconscious Actions

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_june-2012-weddings_bridesmaids-unconscious-actions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:3ae4d68d-f10a-4dec-8810-da13c14a7b86Discussion:a5ac6ab0-a22b-4cb3-ab5b-bdbe251a127fPost:856fa013-6652-44c1-8bd1-d98bd9dda1cd">Bridesmaids Unconscious Actions</a>:
    [QUOTE]Okay Ladies! Please, Help me!!!! So I knew right away, who I wanted to be in my wedding party!  Well, after I ask all my girls, we were all very excited.  Right after I had gotten engaged, there was a bridal show that I invited all the girls to go with me.  There was a dress on a model that we both fell in love with. We had planned on dates to go look at dresses.  Well one of my bridesmaids has bailed BOTH times that we had plans to go.  The first time (a thursday night), she used the excuse "I have to pack to go home for the weekend" (she lives an hour away, and would be gone for 1 night)  then the second time her excuse was "My boyfriend will be in town, so I'm going to have to pass" (her boyfriend was in town for about 2 1/2 weeks) .  When I got back from trying on dresses the first time, she ask if I had tried on the one that we had seen.  I told her I had, and that I liked it a lot.  She got mad because thats the dress that she wants for her wedding.  (She is not engaged, and has only been dating her boyfriend for 3 months).  Also whenever her boyfriend is in town for weeks at a time, I don't hear a word from her.  There have been a lot of similar situations, That she is very worried about herself!  I didn't see this side of her until after I ask her to be in my wedding.  Am I overreacting?!  I am usually a very relaxed, go with the flow girl.  But, this upsets me a lot.  Any suggestions on what I can say to her?
    Posted by jdillon608[/QUOTE]

    To answer your question in short: Yes you are over reacting

    The first mistake you did was ask your BP so early in your engagement. People's relationships change so it is wise to not ask so early. I personally think it's really early to be looking at BM dress so I don't see it as a big deal that she hasn't went to look at dresses. Plus I would much rather spend time with my BF then go dress shopping for an event almost 2 years away, especially if he doesn't live near me.
    I do think it's dumb for her to be mad at you for looking a BM that she wants for her non-existent wedding.

    I think most of the time brides forget that no one will be as excited as them for their wedding.I don't think there's anything to say to her that won't come off as bridezillaish. I hope you don't plan on kicking her out of your BP and if you do be prepared to end your friendship.
  • I know how exciting it is to be engaged and how you automatically know who you want as your BMs and all that, but an upcoming wedding makes everyone stressful and makes everyone think.
    If your friend and you are about the same age she might be expecting to be engaged soon too... I don't really know though. Unfortunately there is nothing you can say with out sounding like a zilla. (Even if you are as gentle as possible)

    Even though I "know" who I would want as my BP I haven't asked anyone since you just never know how life plays out.

    Regardless of how things play out I wish you the best of luck!
  • Oh my gosh, it's too early for this to be happening!

    You had to have a clue that some of these girls were drama queens, so you should have held off a little bit.  Perhaps, though, you like to dip your toes in the drama a little bit and were willing to get things going?

    Step back.  Give your girlfriends some time to deal with whatever feelings they have.  Put the bridesmaid dresses aside for a few months (or a year!).
  • Thanks ladies!  I may not have specified completely.  We were not looking at Bridesmaid dresses.  We were looking at Wedding dresses for me.  This is something she continued to tell me that she wanted to be involved in, but then when it came to the day of going, she always changed her mind.  But I agree, with the point that she may be jealous As Melissa said, I will just back off and continue my planning without her, until she comes around, and maybe wants to be involved!  Thank you again for some of your input!
    image
    Me and my MOH
    June 2012, May Siggy Challenge
  • Yea, my friend def got upset when she found out I not only went looking for dresses without her but found one.  We had a long conversation and I am slowly including her but no decision has been made about whether I want her to stand up at this point. 

    Best of luck with that, I truly hope you gals can work it out.

    ~B
  • @ jdillon608: I hope everything works out for the best :)
    June 2012-July Siggy Challenge: Ceremony Venue imagePlanning Bio Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Remember when wedding dress shopping was something the bride did with her mother?  Now, everyone gets upset if they aren't included in the entourage.  I blame Say Yes to the Dress!
  • @CvilleClaire - I know what you mean.  I took my mother to the frist appt and both my mother and future mother-in-law to the second appt.  I figured I wanted it to be special for them.  The rest of the girls can see it at fittings and such.   It probably helps that I don't know who is standing up so only the one girl was bummed out about it.

    ~B
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