Pending Engagement?

em1985

Hi All,My bf and I have been dating for nearly 3 years and we both know we want to spend the rest of our lives with each other. We have talked about plans for the future and having kids etc. Anyhow over the last few months getting engaged/married has come up in conversation a lot. Like when we were talking about saving for a holiday next year and he said "oh how much does a wedding cost?" and there have been many other times it has come up like the other night he said that the proposal will be a surprise (he has a plan wink wink nudge nudge). He asked me hypothetically how I would propose if i were a guy? I said I would do it on a special occasion like new years eve or our anniversary etc. All relevant special occasions for us are over the Christmas period (which is why I think he may be planning to do it then).The problem is that all the talk of it has made me think about it alot and now I want it to happen more than ever. All the talk and no action is a massive tease for me. The suspense is killing me! ordinarily I would say bugger it and propose to him but he is traditional and I know he wants to do it right etc. Can I tell him to stop talking about it unless there's a ring on my finger? Its just so frustrating. Any advice?Thanks

gh46dsw

my advice....BE PATIENT...it will happen when it is meant to be and don't consume your mind/thoughts with it or else it will drive you crazy and you don't want to set yourself up to be disappointed if it does not happen or not surprised if it does.

BJsGirl827

OMG! Grats Raff! =]

gh46dsw

Thanks BJ'sGirl!

mofe

Agreed with Raff.  It's hard to not think about and get consumed by it.  If he wants it to be a suprise maybe he'll end up doing it during a time that's not a holiday...when you least expect it.

shaema

Mine talked about it often for months too and it drove me nuts!!  I did finally tell him to stop talking about it until it happens.  He proposed July 25th :-)

BJsGirl827

With me, it was the other way around. We'd talk about it, and he'd bring it up on occasion, but more often than not it was me who brought it up.It wasn't until I dropped it altogether (and a fun night out with my girl - minus our guys) that he started to really get serious about starting our future together.I don't really know what to say, but I do know how crazy you must be going waiting for it. I know its coming for me soon (how soon, I have no idea) and its driving me nuts. =]

leoraanna

I know exactly how you feel! I am in your shoes right now. I even told him that if he doesn't propose after graduation this winter that he should expect me to get down on one knee! This wouldn't be out of context of course because in our relationship, I was the one who asked him out, etc. Everyone has told me to be patient, that he will do it, not to get too excited or impatient, that I'll be very happy with my decision later- but it's SO HARD! But, no matter how hard it is, I know that when it finally does happen that it'll be worth the wait. Make sure you let us all know when it happens!

em1985

Hi Girls, Thanks all for your advice! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one in this situation. Acutally there has been a development, I told him that I don't want to talk about it anymore because it just gets my hopes up (not a good thing if the engagment is a while away). He said well its not a while away "I have something planned for next year". He told me flat out he will propose next year and he is waiting for a particular occasion (won't tell me what of course because he wants it to be a surprise). He said he wants to get married the year after (i.e. in 2011)! Yay.Now that I know what he's thinking I don't feel like I can't wait anymore. The suspense is no longer killing me. I feel 100% better now.Thanks

BJsGirl827

Yeah... its hard waiting though. We're thinking about a June 2011 wedding. We have no 'official' engagement, but we BOTH consider ourselves engaged between ourselves. Of course, not telling people or changing our status until he gets *his* moment.

my2geldings

I can only say that as everyone else posted here, I am in the same shoes. We recently have discussed that this it, we are made for each other and will be there for each other thru the thick and the thin. We've this week have found THE ring for me and I can honestly that now the waiting game is killing me. I have absolutely no idea where we he will do it. He talked about doing it into the new year, but knowing him he could be doing it any time.The way I see it, the hardest part was to find your right man so now its just waiting. Instead of stressing yourself out as to when he is going to do it, maybe start planning the wedding with the general ideas that you have.I am super eager about my coming engagemet, but I will also say I am very lucky to have a man who is just as excited about it as I am and he is VERY easy to talk to, so I managed to pull some info out of him.Tho it's something I think about every day, I also try not to look into as much as I want to ton ot stress myself or him out. I want that moment to be a special moment and I want to make sure I give it the biggest opportunity for surprise.

rlyttle

I' was also in the same boat a couple of years ago. I knew that it was coming soon because he was graduating and we were talking about moving and buying a house. He knew that I wasn't going to leave my teaching job that I loved, move, and buy a house without being engaged. As the summer was quickly approaching, he finally proposed in a very cute way! I was sent on a scavenger hunt to find my graduation present. (I was also graduating from grad school) I didn't even know he was in town. He told me that he had to work all weekend, which was not unusual, so his brother came over with the first clue and said that he set everything us for my bf. He sure did wait till the last minute, but it was worth it! We are getting married 9-19-09!! I have really loved our long engagment!!

rfinch316

I waited FIVE (yes.... FIVE) years for a proposal!!! And we moved rather quickly in the beginning (he moved in 2 months after we started dating). It wasn't until I told him that it was time to make up his mind that he FINALLY proposed. Sometimes they need a gentle nudge (i.e. HARD SHOVE in my case! lol) to know how important it is to you.

editas20

I'm in a similar boat! I just picked my engagement ring out a couple of weeks ago and I'm so anxious to get out there and start looking for my dress and everything I was in our wedding!!! He wants it to be a surprise and take his time and have his moment, which I understand, but it's hard since my best friend (who I want to be my maid of honor) is leaving for a missions trip in January for a year and a half and I really want her to be a part of this... It's making it extremely hard to be patient.. I hope it turns out okay

em1985

Hi ladies,thanks for all your advice. Yeah the waiting is hard. Especially when I know its coming (next year sometime). But I'm a pretty impulsive person who doesn't like to wait for things.....proposal is no different I'm afraid. It is nice to know that I'm not the only girl in this situation. Anyhow it looks like we will be getting married in 2011. And we would like to start a family shortly after the wedding. yay. xx

MLC613

Okay I was TOTALLY right here with you! We dated almost 6 years before we got engaged. I will tell you this...it's worth the wait. TRUST ME!!! People would tell me that and I was always like no way, but YES it was!!! He did a very very sweet proposal and worked so hard on setting it all up. He kept the ring a secret and it was just perfect! So be patient! It will be worth it!!!