2012 Bridal Advice for 2013 Brides

TysWife2Be

To review the 2011 Bridal Advice for 2012 brides, please click below.

http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_2011-bridal-advice-2012-brides

rowenac82

Ok...I guess I will go first...

I like lists so that's what I will do and hopefully I wouldn't forget anything:

-Starting early is great but I would say sometimes buying things too early in the planning process might backfire on you. Let's face it, we all change our mind about things! It might not seem like a big deal to decide to buy something earlier and change your mind later since you could always re-sell but no matter what you loose a little bit of money on the item. I think this especially applies to wedding dresses. New years brings new styles but hopefully being budget conscience will keep you from looking at other dresses. 

-Hire a videographer. You hear that so many times on the board and think, yea whatever, I don't need a videographer. That's what I said and now I wish I could relive my wedding day all over again and wish there was video to help me do that. Photographers are great but there's nothing like an actual live video with all the action from start to finish. I wish I had at least bought a video camera or something and have someone tape it. Check craigslist even to see if there are any cheap amateurs there but remember that going with an amateur, you are prepared for the actions of an amateur. 

-Speaking of a photographer. No matter how professional your photographer is, please, please, please, print out some pics of poses that you like and sit down with your photographer and discuss it. Just because they have certain pics on their website of a couple, that does not equate to them taking the same pic of you. Tell them about all the details you would like pictures of. All the details that no one cares about but you agonized over it, so you want pictures of it!

-Identify early the people in your life that will be supportive and identify the ones that will not be supportive. Feel folks out, if they never bring up your wedding, then they don't care, so don't feel the need to tell them about all the different flowers you are considering for the wedding. Don't even be mad if your bridesmaids don't want to hear every detail. 

-Speaking of bridesmaids. I chose mine early, I picked people who I communicate with on the daily or weekly basis. Some say don't choose your bridal party early and I think this is a good tactic if you are not really sure about who you would like to have in your wedding. I had the best bridal party anyone could ask for...100% Team bride so I can't complain. I knew exactly who was going to be always late, I knew who would listen to me no matter what and I knew who would bend over backwards to ensure I had a great wedding day. Not all your friends and cousins need to be in your wedding...they might be your friend or related to you but that doesn't make them a bridesmaid. And ASK if this is something they want to do, don't just put the job on them. 

-Your fiance/ future hubby. It's hard not to get mad but really let's face it, some of them, if you could just tell them where to be and what to wear (picking out everything and laying it out of course) that's the only role they want in the wedding. Go ahead let them know how frustrated you are but at the end of the day, know your man! Know what he's gonna give input in and what he really doesn't want to hear about. That's what your MOH is for...yes pick one that will put up with you talking about the wedding cause you know what you're gonna need that!

-MOMS....We love them no matter what and they could get mean during a wedding. This was my opportunity to show my mom that I am not a little girl any more. I didn't argue, I just told her what I was going to do and she could choose to be mad about it. And it took a lot out of me to be ok with not pleasing mom..yes, I am a momma's girl...and a daddy's girl :-)

-Finances...do what you can afford, make a realistic budget...come up with a plan that will work for you. Our venue said, oh this is our payment plan, we told them, ok, this is OUR payment plan, how does that work for you? And yes, pay money towards things every month. Don't wait till all the money is due then fork it over. Set up a payment plan with your major vendors, you will feel it less in your pockets in the end. And it's one less thing for you and Fiance to argue about during this process.

-Start spreading the news...lol...yes let your mom and dad know to tell their friends, oh yes, they are going to have a small wedding and they are paying for it themselves. The earlier people hear this, the less annoying they will be thinking they are invited to the wedding. So that goes for you also, start telling your friends about how you will be paying for the wedding and it will be small (even if it is 200 people, maybe that's small for you:-)). Those friends will tell other friends!:-)

Ok, I think I said enough...in the end, it's your day and you do what you could afford..period! Do what you can afford! The day of the wedding...smh...so fast....so ensure that you are not running around the DAY OF...this was a no, no for me. You want to be able to sit back, do your hair, nails, get cute...then not in a hurry, get dressed and meet your groom at the alter. Please, please, please take help where it is offered. I am a control freak but coming down to the end, I just let certain things go. As long as there was food, drinks, music, someone for to marry you and you two...that's all that mattered. Certain things are just out of your hands! So don't fret..it's not worth it..you don't want to look stress for your big day. 

OK, congrats ladies! Happy planning! 

One of our favorite pics below that we were gonna use for our album cover and photographer just said we couldn't use it cause our album is horizontal

20pearls16

Congrats to all the 2013 brides and my fellow 2012 brides. It goes so fast enjoy. Here are a couple of things to remember... 

#1. remember that it is YOUR day and your wedding. Not your mom's day, not your BM's day, not anyone else's day (except your FI lol) but he will even tell you that it's your day. Do what you want to do, plan the way you want to plan and have everything you want to have (within reason). You only get one shot at making your day special so do it the way you want to do it.

My #2 advice would be not to blow the budget. Reality check.....IT IS ONLY ONE DAY!!!! You can make it fabulous and not break the bank. You still have to live afterwards and you cannot live in the reception hall.
 
#3. Make sure you give your list of pics you want to the photographer. Although I love my pictures, there were several shots I didn't get that I wish I would have gotten.

#4. Don't get discouraged because your FI isn't into wedding planning like you are. They are men, this is not their territory. This made me feel so sad at times and I took it to mean he really didn't want to get married. He wanted to get married, he just could have cared less about all the wedding stuff.

And finally, and IMHO most importantly make sure you BOTH are ready. Air out all your dirty laundry before you get married. Be honest in counseling and accept him for who he is NOW not what you think you can change him into. Everybody is always ready for a wedding, but everybody ain't ready for the marriage That's old head talk right there.

MissusD1116

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_2012-bridal-advice-for-2013-brides-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:14864520-b440-41a2-bc9e-a94df3672ed9Post:2492f606-4289-48e9-8271-0477e5fdb018">Re: 2012 Bridal Advice for 2013 Brides</a>:
[QUOTE]Congrats to all the 2013 brides and my fellow 2012 brides. It goes so fast enjoy. Here are a couple of things to remember...  #1. remember that it is YOUR day and your wedding. Not your mom's day, not your BM's day, not anyone else's day (except your FI lol) but he will even tell you that it's your day. Do what you want to do, plan the way you want to plan and have everything you want to have (within reason). You only get one shot at making your day special so do it the way you want to do it. My #2 advice would be not to blow the budget. Reality check.....IT IS ONLY ONE DAY!!!! You can make it fabulous and not break the bank. You still have to live afterwards and you cannot live in the reception hall.   #3. Make sure you give your list of pics you want to the photographer. Although I love my pictures, there were several shots I didn't get that I wish I would have gotten. #4. Don't get discouraged because your FI isn't into wedding planning like you are. They are men, this is not their territory. This made me feel so sad at times and I took it to mean he really didn't want to get married. He wanted to get married, he just could have cared less about all the wedding stuff. And finally, and IMHO most importantly make sure you BOTH are ready. Air out all your dirty laundry before you get married. Be honest in counseling and accept him for who he is NOW not what you think you can change him into. Everybody is always ready for a wedding, but everybody ain't ready for the marriage  That's old head talk right there .
Posted by 20pearls16[/QUOTE]



I sure miss all this "old head" knowledge!!!

@ Ro, awesome points to girl....I'm a mommies baby too!

nursing2u

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_2012-bridal-advice-for-2013-brides-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:14864520-b440-41a2-bc9e-a94df3672ed9Post:2492f606-4289-48e9-8271-0477e5fdb018">Re: 2012 Bridal Advice for 2013 Brides</a>:
[QUOTE]Congrats to all the 2013 brides and my fellow 2012 brides. It goes so fast enjoy. Here are a couple of things to remember...  #1. remember that it is YOUR day and your wedding. Not your mom's day, not your BM's day, not anyone else's day (except your FI lol) but he will even tell you that it's your day. Do what you want to do, plan the way you want to plan and have everything you want to have (within reason). You only get one shot at making your day special so do it the way you want to do it. My #2 advice would be not to blow the budget. Reality check.....IT IS ONLY ONE DAY!!!! You can make it fabulous and not break the bank. You still have to live afterwards and you cannot live in the reception hall.   #3. Make sure you give your list of pics you want to the photographer. Although I love my pictures, there were several shots I didn't get that I wish I would have gotten. #4. Don't get discouraged because your FI isn't into wedding planning like you are. They are men, this is not their territory. This made me feel so sad at times and I took it to mean he really didn't want to get married. He wanted to get married, he just could have cared less about all the wedding stuff. And finally, and IMHO most importantly make sure you BOTH are ready. <strong><em>Air out all your dirty laundry before you get married. Be honest in counseling and accept him for who he is NOW not what you think you can change him into. Everybody is always ready for a wedding, but everybody ain't ready for the marriage  That's old head talk right there</em></strong> .
Posted by 20pearls16[/QUOTE]



I also second missusD by saying THANKS... These are some great points.. and with being married before... I can absolutely agree with above highlighted area!!!!!! COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY!!!!

keysmit

@ RO and @ B.. Thanks so much for the advice. it is very useful and we all appreciate it.. Love ya'll..

Toiizloved

Thanks for all the advice ladies.. Very Very helpful info

pearls687

Ro and B have pretty much covered everything but I will jump in and add the following:

1.  I STRONGLY second Ro's recommendation to get a videographer.  It is our one and only wedding planning regret.  The day went by super fast and no matter how many times we look at these 672 pro pics, we still really regret the decision to forego the expense of a videographer. 

2.  Hire a professional day-of coordinator if you can.  Other than the photographer, it was the best-spent money of the whole process.  I am a detail-oriented control freak and being able to express my expectations without worrying about a) whether things would get done, b) whether things would get done the way I wanted, and c) offending a volunteer friend/relative DOC with my perfectionist expectations was a huge relief.  I was able to totally relax and enjoy the day's events from the time I arrived at the venue till the time we left without one worry.  If anything went wrong, it was handled without my knowledge.  I didn't even have to wonder how things were coming together upstairs while I was getting ready because my DOCs sent picture messages of the tablescapes, cake, etc. and checked in periodically with descriptions.  It was a luxury I didn't have with my first wedding, so perhaps that is why I appreciated it so very much.

3.  Remember to smile and be your most fabulous self at all times because there is always a camera on you!  I'm talking serious paparazzi!  You will not get to approve people's personal pics before they get posted on FB (lol) so always be conscious of your facial expressions (even when you're eating).  Yes, I know that sounds vain, but when else have you taken months and months to make sure everything about you is on point for one event??  So you.better.work!! 


Best wishes to my fellow 2012 brides and happy planning to all of the 2013 brides!  Enjoy this time!


And @ B, you betta say that thang, Soror!:
"Everybody is always ready for a wedding, but everybody ain't ready for the marriage."

MrsBoss2012

**If you want it, YOU pay for it. This piece of advice is two fold.

1st point: Do not rely on the promises of parents, family, or friends to fund your wedding. It is your big day and while it would be nice for mommy, daddy, grandmama to chip in that doesn't always happen. Don't even assume they will. In fact, assume they WON'T. I probably sound harsh but I'm keeping it real! Even if they are good for the money there are always circumstances that can arise that can prohibit them from paying. Any extra money that is "promised" to you, consider that a pay back but always make sure you plan within the means of you and your fiance'.

2nd point: You get what you pay for. I started out with an amateur photographer who took "pretty good" pictures. After receiving our engagement pictures I only liked about 10 of 150. Sure we could do a re-shoot for e-pics but there is no re-shoot for the wedding. I decided to forfeit the deposit and go on a hunt for a great photographer and am I glad I did! Even my DH was WOWED and we realized how much we did not like the 1st guy. The only two things we did the "hook up" on were the officiant (my uncle) and the DJ (friend of a friend). If we could do it all over those are the only 2 things we would have change about the entire wedding. We would've spent the extra money for more professional service. In summary, you get what you pay for 99% of the time.

**RSVP cheat sheet. Secretly number your RSVP's so when you get blank ones back, and you will, you have a way to identify who the card came from. This was advice from someone else and it was a life saver!

**One thing I don't want to say is "don't sweat the details." If they are important to you, then go for it. There are some little details that I second guessed doing, they would have saved me time and money but the reward on the wedding day was worth it. To see it all come together and to have my husband brag on how good of job I did. Some of our family and friends still talk about how I really paid attention to detail and it showed and came together nicely. So someone will notice.

Some of the things that are said often so I might as well stress too....

*Videographer- We don't have ours back yet but I was determined to fit it in the budget based on previous bride's advice. Not only so we can relive the day, but so my future children, grandchildren, and maybe further generations can see it. I would give anything to see the actual video footage of my parent's wedding day 32 years ago.

*Budget- Don't go into debt for the wedding. Stay within your means.

*Bridal Party- Don't pick too early. Think loooonnngg and haaarrddd before making a final decision. You don't owe anyone a spot in your wedding. Don't make any selections out of guilt.

*Premarital counseling- I highly suggest finding a good counselor, minister, therapist, whatever your taste. We learned some really great tools that we still refer to. It was so great having a trusted neutral person weigh in on your thoughts and ideas of marriage. Our counselor has been married for 40 something years. He was great!

Without making this too long, this should be the BEST day of your LIFE! Have fun! Partake in the food, drinks, dancing, and mingle with the guests.

~MrsBoss *muah*

leatba

Thanks for the advice ladies. I'm working on avideographer now which wasn't previously in my budget

happe2gether

Hi ladies! It's been such a LOOONGG time since I've posted on here but I wanted to add in my comments too!

Everyone has given great advice, especially about the photographer.  I definitely didn't get all the pictures I wanted and didn't even realize I missed some of them until after the fact.  I'd say if you can spend on a great photographer, do so.  I found one at a savings but in hindsight as much as I liked him, I probably could have gotten someone else.

I had a FABULOUS planner and I suggest all brides should at least have a day of coordnator.  If you can afford to have one for a longer length of time I suggest that too.  There's no way in the world I could have been the bride and the planner.  The advice and friendship was tremendously valuable.

Know that there will be people (even family) that will NOT be there for you 100% and they might even be shady too.  But also know that those who want to really be there for you will be there for you NO MATTER WHAT.  Weddings can bring out the very best and the very worst in people.

THIS IS YOUR DAY.. and Fiance's too so make it about the two of you in the end.  If you want to do exactly what you want don't let too many people in on the planning process and pay for it yourselves or have very little help, if possible.

Don't go broke over the wedding.  We budgeted pretty high for our wedding and in the end we ended up getting money BACK from our venue.  Budget higher than your guest number and this could work for you too.

Woosaw and know that there will be some stressful moments but this is the day the Lord has made so ENJOY every second.

Good luck to everyone!  

rowenac82

I really shouldn't have anything to add after the book I wrote above but one thing that I fell short of during my planning process is using everyone around me especially the knot to help me proof read EVERYTHING! Do this! It will save you lots of grief and money! 

aquari0216

I absolutely love u ladies!!

M1ssJ

Congrats on your upcoming weddings. It took me awhile to post this because the previous ladies did a great job.

Money: Not going into debt is the first priority. The second is understanding that every deal is not worth pinching the pennies.

Vendors: Get every promise in writing. Ask for those extra discounts . Do not let people tell you no. If you are paying for a service get the service you want, not the service they feel like giving. With that being said, hire proffessionals. The $400 photographer vs the $2000 , if pictures are important to you spend the money on that. People will work according to the level of proffesionalism they display and that starts with their prices and presentation. If they have no reviews, there's a reason. If no bride on TK or WeddingWire has reviewed them, why risk it?

Family: You're going to piss someone off. You'll be called impolite, dramatic, insensitive, and asked to accomodate your 3rd cousins that you bathed with when you were 4 months. You don't have to unless your family is helping pay. Otherwise give them the date and time. They will be there or they wont.

Friends/bridesmaids:  You may lose one or more homegirls and you'll definetely want to choke someone in your bridal party. This is your most important day , not theirs. While they may be happy for you its still hard for some people not to be secrectly sad or jealous. in addition THEIR life is going on.  Be cool with what they do and dont do and dont feel bad about removing people if necessary.

Day of/Planner: You need a non relative  and someone not affiliated with the hotel/venue to make sure your day of details come together smoothly. You need this. Its not a luxury. Its the only way you can enjoy your day and not be stressed.

Dress: DO NOT PAY FULL PRICE!


Ways I saved:

• We had a Sunday brunch wedding. Having a non saturday night wedding was the first saving. Having a brunch cut the pp $ in almost half and the venue took of the "surcharge" many places add.  We also didnt need a full open bar. We had brunch drinks such as mimosas, poinsettas, and bellinis.
•  I scored my favors at Dollar Tree and Costco. No one would've guessed based on the way they were packaged.
• I wanted multiple dresses so I bought them on clearance, in total 4 dresses with alterations was about $1400 (I only wore 3)
• I used vistaprint for Save The Dates, menus, and thank you cards
• For nearly 200 guests I printed 80 programs, we had 3 left
• I borrowed my bridal accessories from a afriend who married a few months before me
• I bought my cathedral length veil for $50 in the wholesale / garment district
• I let my dream venue go

Ways I splurged:

•  I got the photographer and videographer I wanted
• We got a grand and unique exit
• I wanted very particular invites and paper products that went with our theme
• I wanted our guests to feel special so we had a photo booth and caricature artist
• I got a string quartet
• Added and extra hour of bar and chocolate covered strawberries for the guests

In the end I was so happy and so was FI. The 2 things I let go were the only 2 things that will never stop nagging me so I 100% say go for what you want!

Best wishes on your planning

MrsBad13

Thanks J for your propestive as well. You make good points ! 

M1ssJ

No prob MrsB!

tirathemrs

Very good advice M1ssJ it kinda makes me think about some things i want and want to do..thanks Honey

M1ssJ

Its your one day Tira! do it all !

plentyofus

great advice ladies. I have already found out some people are just going to be upset. I am not spending $$$$ on one day. My FI and I want to buy a home and that is really important to us.