Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!

M1ssJ

FI and I got into a huge fight over his stupid hotel suite the night before. We have 9 attendants each and our wedding is at 9:40 am. I told him everyone needs to stay in 1 spot for 2 reasons:

1) this is how getting ready pictures and videos happen

2) 9:40 start time means we have no room for ppl being late! 3 of his GMs are good friends of mine and are notoriously late to everything!

He has one 300 pound plus BM whom he is basically feeling like would be uncomfortable in a suite with everyone and therefore he would rather get a bunch of rooms at a random hotel. with 2 to a room. 

I told him :

1) we cant afford that

2) maybe his BM should just get a separate room

3) the square footage in a regular hotel room will not allow the photographer and videographer space to film and take pictures

4) I already mapped out the shortest hotels between my getting ready space to the hotel across the street to the ceremony location so that the photog /videog will not spend time we're paying for driving in circles

He got pissed! Like I was being unreasonable and said this is what we're doing end of story.

Am I wrong? 

rowenac82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:6e90385a-fcd7-4bfc-81b9-20a1241a6d72">Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]FI and I got into a huge fight over his stupid hotel suite the night before. We have 9 attendants each and our wedding is at 9:40 am. I told him everyone needs to stay in 1 spot for 2 reasons: 1) this is how getting ready pictures and videos happen 2) 9:40 start time means we have no room for ppl being late! 3 of his GMs are good friends of mine and are notoriously late to everything! He has one 300 pound plus BM whom he is basically feeling like would be uncomfortable in a suite with everyone and therefore he would rather get a bunch of rooms at a random hotel. with 2 to a room.  I told him : 1) we cant afford that 2) maybe his BM should just get a separate room 3) <strong>the square footage in a regular hotel room will not allow the photographer and videographer space to film and take pictures</strong> 4) I already mapped out the shortest hotels between my getting ready space to the hotel across the street to the ceremony location so that the photog /videog will not spend time we're paying for driving in circles He got pissed! Like I was being unreasonable and said this is what we're doing end of story. Am I wrong? 
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I don't necessarily think this is true. My venue's bridal suite is not that big and I have seen both video footage and photos come out of there and it looks just fine. I have also seen other pictures from DGW where the getting ready photos were taken in a hotel room and it looked fine. Your photographer and videographer will work with what they got. </div><div>
</div><div>I think FI doesn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. He knows his groomsmen best so try to come up with a compromise. Just try to find something that you both can agree on only based on what is feasible in terms of distance, I think everything else doesn't really matter.  

</div>

mejai1

The  situation sounds REALLY tough, and the two of you will have to come to some compromise. While it might not be the ideal situation in your mind, hear him out and trust that somehow the photographer/videographer can make the day work out. Remember that the day is about both of you and that if he feels it's most comfortable a certain way, hear him out. 

saharnshard

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:81e9a57a-78d8-4a6f-b9f8-e6dee6422032">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!! : <strong>I don't necessarily think this is true.</strong> My venue's bridal suite is not that big and I have seen both video footage and photos come out of there and it looks just fine. I have also seen other pictures from DGW where the getting ready photos were taken in a hotel room and it looked fine. Your photographer and videographer will work with what they got.  I think FI doesn't want anyone to feel uncomfortable. He knows his groomsmen best so try to come up with a compromise. Just try to find something that you both can agree on only based on what is feasible in terms of distance, I think everything else doesn't really matter.  
Posted by rowenac82[/QUOTE]

With 9 BMs, I think a regualr hotel room might be tight. Would getting a suite and maybe one other room at the same hotel be out of the question?

M1ssJ

Ok... I heard him out ... The reason I said the rooms aren't big enough is because the place he wants them all to go is more like a motel and each person would get  a room.... those are way too small for 9 ppl, a ring bearer, videographer, and photographer........

as opposed to a 2 bedroom suite with a living room and the friend getting a room on his own to sleep in

rowenac82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:f9adcdc4-5ab8-449e-b2d4-1f4943f0f667">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!! : <strong>With 9 BMs</strong>, I think a regualr hotel room might be tight. Would getting a suite and maybe one other room at the same hotel be out of the question?
Posted by saharnshard[/QUOTE]
 <div>I thought we were talking about 9 grooms men and also getting several rooms not just one room. 9BMs yea a hotel room is too small but just to capture getting ready pics in 1 room, I think it should be fine especially if we are talking guys. Mainly the focus is on the groom with the bestman helping him out and the other guys off in the background...just my take</div>

rowenac82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:0b8660cb-6736-4885-944a-4f886e4b919a">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok... I heard him out ... The reason I said the rooms aren't big enough is because the place he wants them all to go is more like a motel and each person would get  a room.... those are way too small for 9 ppl, a ring bearer, videographer, and photographer........ as opposed to a 2 bedroom suite with a living room and the friend getting a room on his own to sleep in
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]

<div>Just curious, I don't know the background. Is this a destination wedding? No one lives close enough were the groom atleast could get ready at someone's home with the other grooms men?</div>

[Deleted User]

J I swear we're related.  you and your list-iness.  lol!

the ones who are always late, do they know the for real for real time?  because if not, 9 sounds a lot closer to what's in their power to do without driving you crazy.  

as conversations go, "end of story" always kinda makes me giggle a little bit.....it is soooooo NOT.   No you're not wrong, in more discussions see if you can get him to see your point from a cost perspective - # of hotel rooms aside, we're paying the photo team by the hour luv, time is literally money, having them run after us all over town {insert headshake}.    If you're gonna say this next part call on the Alpha and Omega girl because it might take all your strength but:

"In the spirit of compromise, you handle the hotel rooms babe, I ask only 2 things, one that you keep our entire WP in the same hotel and two that you do not exceed our budget of [$X dollars].  Let me know if I can help."

either a) his head will blow up and he'll *let* you handle it
or       b)  he'll pleasantly surprise you and there were no bodily injuries involved in the making of this episode.

M1ssJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:2dc6cd2c-db43-4160-b3d0-566956c8c32a">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!! : Just curious, I don't know the background. Is this a destination wedding? No one lives close enough were the groom atleast could get ready at someone's home with the other grooms men?
Posted by rowenac82[/QUOTE]

<div>Its destination for all of us. 1 of the GMs lives 35 minutes from the venue and one has family 45 minutes away but they are the notoriously late ones and agreed my bridezillaness of not wanting them to go back home is for the best (they were my friends before his so they are ok with me putting the skids to them lol)</div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>To clarify we are talking about the 9 GM and FI getting ready. Who are all frat brothers, except for his biological brothers and have done this plenty of times on road trips!</div><div>
</div><div>I asked him about getting the suite- 2 bedrooms and a living room space and maybe the BM and his younger brother sleeping in a room at the same hotel.</div><div>
</div><div>He wants us to pay for the extra room which is not in our budget. Thoughts?</div>

rowenac82

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:5dcd03c0-db4e-4ac0-a1df-ba67ef48696a">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!! : Its destination for all of us. 1 of the GMs lives 35 minutes from the venue and one has family 45 minutes away but they are the notoriously late ones and agreed my bridezillaness of not wanting them to go back home is for the best (they were my friends before his so they are ok with me putting the skids to them lol) To clarify we are talking about the 9 GM and FI getting ready. Who are all frat brothers, except for his biological brothers and have done this plenty of times on road trips! I asked him about getting the suite- 2 bedrooms and a living room space and maybe the BM and his younger brother sleeping in a room at the same hotel. He wants us to pay for the extra room which is not in our budget. Thoughts?
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Do you have a hotel block? Are you getting rooms at the hotel you have a hotel black at? Alot of times with hotel blocks they will give you a free room if you book a certain number of nights. 

</div>

M1ssJ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:957ccbec-16e7-4862-9802-6539ca2dacc1">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]J I swear we're related.  you and your list-iness.  lol! the ones who are always late, do they know the for real for real time?  because if not, 9 sounds a lot closer to what's in their power to do without driving you crazy.   as conversations go, "end of story" always kinda makes me giggle a little bit.....it is soooooo NOT.   No you're not wrong, in more discussions see if you can get him to see your point from a cost perspective - # of hotel rooms aside, we're paying the photo team by the hour luv, time is literally money, having them run after us all over town {insert headshake}.    If you're gonna say this next part call o<strong>n the Alpha and Omega girl because it might take all your strength</strong> but: "In the <strong>spirit of compromise</strong>, you handle the hotel rooms babe, I ask only 2 things, one that you keep our entire WP in the same hotel and two that you do not exceed our budget of [$X dollars].  Let me know if I can help." either a) his head will blow up and he'll *let* you handle it or       b)  he'll pleasantly surprise you and there were no bodily injuries involved in the making of this episode.
Posted by sultryzulu[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>*flips table*</div><div>
</div><div>Compromise!!!!!!!!</div><div>
</div><div>*throws a tantrum in the time out corner*</div><div>
</div><div>I may have to do this ............................ *sigh*

</div>

mejai1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_vent-why-are-men-so-hard-headed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:32878209-5a39-4f23-9c85-9a7b2d37fc1dPost:04e46c94-7edf-4ef3-a4b3-38dcd39b5a6d">Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!!</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent! Why are men so hard headed?!! : *flips table* Compromise!!!!!!!! *throws a tantrum in the time out corner* I may have to do this ............................ *sigh*
Posted by M1ssJ[/QUOTE]<div>We know you can do it :) 

</div>

staten2012

Disclaimer:
due to the current situation with MY FI, I am in no position to give non-biased and constructive advice.

All I will say is, no. You are not wrong.