African American Weddings

Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long)

So here's the story ladies.  I have 2 sisters and one just got married last year which I was a BM.  The day she called and told me she was engaged, I got so excited that I jumped up and accidently hung up on her.   I did EVERYTHING she asked of me for her special day eventhough I don't feel like I got the best treatment from her as a BM.  After paying for my own dress, shoes, makeup, hair, jewelery, hotel for the wedding weekend, she cancels the reheasal dinner the day of with NO notice to any of the wedding party (literally as we are walking out of the venue I said ok we'll meet you guys at the retuating and she says oh we arent having a reheasal dinner anymore) and the day after the wedding she texts me and says "oh did you get your gift".  I said what gift, she said oh I bought you a gift for being in the wedding but it got so crazy I guess I didn't give it to you and know I cant find it.  WTH?!?!?  No replacement gift ever came or anything and to be honest, I dont know that there was ever a gift to begin with.

Well, now its my time.  She hasn't asked to see the ring the last time I saw her.  I texted her telling her how excitedI was that I got my dress, she didn't even respond.  Now she's pregnant.  Yet again when she told me that news I was over the moon.  She's constantly posting things related to her pregnancy on FB and I am always commenting or liking her status.  However, I notice when I post things related to my wedding, there's not a single response from her.  I even have people commenting that aren't even all that close to me.

So here's the dilemma.  We are having a very small wedding (like 10 people).  I haven't asked her (or either sister) to be a BM just because I don't know if its worth the hassle, mainly because I know how she is.  The reaction from my other sister has been great as far as wedding planning but I'm already knowin I cant have one sister as a BM and one not.  So Ive narrowed it down to two choices.  1) Have them both as BMs and already try to mentally prepare myself for dealing with her or 2) just skip the whole thing altogether and not have a wedding party at all.

Side note, we have same dad, different mom, and MY mom is already advising me to not deal with it and save myself the trouble but I am thinking maybe I can just have her in it and she will have NO duties.  Like show up, wear the dress, take the pics and that's it.  What do you ladies think???

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Re: Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long)

  • Sophia1913Sophia1913 member
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    edited December 2011
    typo..... the sentence should read, we should meet you guys at the restaurant. :)

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  • msktn95msktn95 member
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    edited December 2011

    Wow!!!!  Your sister sounds like me sister. The first paragraph, I thought I was reading about myself. My sister did me the same way. No gift and I even gave her money to help her out... but its a lesson learned.


    This is your day and you should have things your way.  If you want your sisters to be in the wedding, you should let them, but inform them that this is your day and things will go your way. The sister that is pregnant will probably say no.  It seems like she wants everything to be about her.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_must-act-funny-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:4ab800e8-9f1e-4e48-8f08-620fb0d16584Post:3cabb68d-d429-4cfa-9a7f-0c19a8fa7c97">Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]S  <strong>I am thinking maybe I can just have her in it and she will have NO duties.  Like show up, wear the dress, take the pics and that's it.  </strong>What do you ladies think???
    Posted by Sophia1913[/QUOTE]

    This IF and only IF you want the other sister in the wedding.   I agree that you can't have one and not the other.  I wish you could but we both know it will cause problems in the long run.  Is the other sister going to do her duties as a BM?  If you don't think so I would say skip the WP all together.  You are having such a small wedding (10 people) that it does make sense.  If you think that your other sister will hold up her end of the deal then I say have a have them as BM.  Good luck. 
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  • Sophia1913Sophia1913 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_must-act-funny-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:4ab800e8-9f1e-4e48-8f08-620fb0d16584Post:0071f489-bb5e-4417-b635-c220c160803a">Re: Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]Wow!!!!  Your sister sounds like me sister. The first paragraph, I thought I was reading about myself. My sister did me the same way. No gift and I even gave her money to help her out... but its a lesson learned. This is your day and you should have things your way.  If you want your sisters to be in the wedding, you should let them, but inform them that this is your day and things will go your way. The sister that is pregnant will probably say no.  It seems like she wants everything to be about her.
    Posted by msktn95[/QUOTE]

    Oh no, you have one too????  Yeah I dont get it.  And for her wedding all expenses I paid for myself but I already know if I ask her, she'll ask my Dad for money.  She's due in Feb and the wedding is in April, so I dont know if that timing works or not for mommies that just gave birth. 

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  • Sophia1913Sophia1913 member
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_must-act-funny-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:4ab800e8-9f1e-4e48-8f08-620fb0d16584Post:b44c8252-5346-4683-b8da-3492d060ad02">Re: Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long) : This IF and only IF you want the other sister in the wedding.   I agree that you can't have one and not the other.  I wish you could but we both know it will cause problems in the long run.  Is the other sister going to do her duties as a BM?  If you don't think so I would say skip the WP all together.  You are having such a small wedding (10 people) that it does make sense.  If you think that your other sister will hold up her end of the deal then I say have a have them as BM.  Good luck. 
    Posted by djscat[/QUOTE]


    Thanks for the advice.  This is kinda what I'm leaning towards.  After discussing it again with my Mom she said if I want to include them then to just break it down for them.  Like look, you need to show up and wear the dress and thats it and either you can or your cant!!!!  I have it set up so there are no duties for her to even do.  Literally wear the dress and that's it.

    When I really think about it its so ridiculous.  She could've told me to wear a paper bag to her wedding and I would've because I recognize that it wasn't about me.  No one is saying jump over the moon because I'm getting married, but this is just crazy how she's being.  Oh well, I figure, I'll try the direct approach and go in to it with my eyes open.  I wont expect too much therefore hopefully saving myself from disappointment and stress.

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  • chescamchescam member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I will tell you this, if you are having these concerns now, they will only intensify as the date gets closer. She may not want to buy the dress and that's a good possiblily esp. since she's pregnant;  she may not even want to take pics, you get the gist...
    It's a tough decision to make but think it through thoroughly. This is the one day you get to put your happiness first. 
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  • Sophia1913Sophia1913 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_must-act-funny-sorry-kinda-long?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:4ab800e8-9f1e-4e48-8f08-620fb0d16584Post:97629017-00c7-493f-83be-a548ed3026cc">Re: Why must we act so funny.... (sorry kinda long)</a>:
    [QUOTE]I will tell you this, if you are having these concerns now, they will only intensify as the date gets closer. She may not want to buy the dress and that's a good possiblily esp. since she's pregnant;  she may not even want to take pics, you get the gist... It's a tough decision to make but think it through thoroughly. This is the one day you get to put your happiness first. 
    Posted by chescam[/QUOTE]

    Well said.

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  • edited December 2011
    I just wanted to drop in and offer my support and let you know you are not alone! Not only the examples above but this sounds like my family too! 2 sisters, same dad, diff mom. However our relationship is so far gone they are not even invited to my wedding. I've also experienced close family members not sharing in my excitement. At this point I do not plan to have a bridal party and with a small affair I think you could get away with it too. Or ask someone to stand up for you who truly shares in your happiness and will add to, not take from your wedding and planning experience. Best of luck.
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  • tyboydtyboyd member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I guess I'm the odd ball... I don't see a problem with one sister being in the wedding and the other one not. But then again, if it's only a 10 ppl wedding, I'd ditch the whole WP anyway.
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