African American Weddings

Does anyone ever really want to be...

...a hostess? I'm sorry if this has already been discussed, but after a quick glance, I couldn't find it. I have not been in a wedding since my flower girl days. A few of my friends are married, but all of my really close friends are still single so I don't really know how people respond to the different roles of the wedding party.

I have asked a few friends and they seem to think being a hostess is an honor for those who are close to the bride or groom, but aren't bridesmaids. However, the ladies on the Wedding Party board seem to think it is the exact opposite and is nothing more than a job.

The role that I would expect my hostesses to play would be to wear a great dress, put on a warm, genuine smile, hand out programs, and help make my guests feel welcome and excited.

Please give me some insight. I don't want to offend my friends by asking them to participate in my wedding in this way.
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Re: Does anyone ever really want to be...

  • winter443winter443
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    edited December 2011
    I wonder that too!!! I've been a bm before and that was cool but I kind of feel like I wouldn't want to be a hostess because it seems like I'd be working.

    I would like to hear the responses to this as well.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thankfully (if you can call it that,LOL) I've only been a bridesmaid. I wouldn't want to be a hostess because it IS like a job.
  • edited December 2011
    So are any of you having hostesses? If so, who are you asking? If not, who will greet your guests and how will you distribute programs?
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  • winter443winter443
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    edited December 2011
    I'm getting married at my church so I'm going to have a couple ushers from the church greet and hand out programs
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  • edited December 2011
    I've been a bridesmaind, a MOH, and a hostess. I didn't find it offensive. I was a hostess for FI's cousin's wedding. It wasn't a problem at all, FI helped me pass out programs and such. I did it for her because I know it was important to her.

    Overall, I'd say ask a teenage cousin or a family friend to do it. If they love you, they will. ESPECIALLY if they're getting married or have been married & know how hard it is to find bodies to fill all the jobs....
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  • desi2002desi2002
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    edited December 2011
    I was a hostess. I was honored b/c she trusted me with her day that much. 
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  • kkidd28kkidd28
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    edited December 2011
    I was a hostess before.  One of my older cousins got married - she's like 5 years older, so we weren't close enough for me to be a bridesmaid.  I felt honored that she wanted to include me in some way.  It was fine -all I did was hand folks a program as they walked in and watch the gift table from my seat during the reception!

    I will have hostesses as my wedding - I will use some of my FI's family members as I realized I have pretty much left them out of the ceromony!

    HTH

    Koretta
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  • edited December 2011
    It kind of just sounds like all the duties that fis nephew is doing as an usher. So I guess it would just be a nicer name for that. I dont really see a problem with it.
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  • edited December 2011

    For me,
    BM= pretty dresses + special honor
    Hostess= stand for a while + work + noone "cares" about you
    LOL!

    If a close friend asks me to be a hostess, I will wonder if I am not good enough to be a BM. But I am too touchy of a person, and so are most of my friends. So I don't feel comfortable asking any of my close friends to be hostesses. I am only having my sisters and my BFF as BMs. I will have the rest of my friends at my bachelorette party, bridal shower, bridal luncheon, and any other "outing".
    I would ask someone who is not too close to me but close enough (like two of the youth I mentor at my church)

    At the end of the day, you know your family and friends better than the girls or the WP board (or us for that matter) and you can imagine how they will take either positions. I say go by that...

  • tamtam7tamtam7
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    edited December 2011
    This is a really interesting question because I've never really considered the roles of the bridal party and how they may react to certain titles or jobs.  I always thought that being asked to be a BM was an honor too, until I got engaged.  It appears that my friends think it's a burden.  A couple of them are having relationship issues, so I guess that it is hard for them to be happy for me right now???  I don't know.  But I asked one of my friends to be my MOH, and then things happened and she wasn't sure if she was even going to be able to come to my wedding because she said she was having financial problems, finally she decided that she could, but by that time I had already asked someone else to be in the wedding and since she returned her dress and the girls dresses were from Kohl's and are now sold out, she couldn't really be a BM, so she actually OFFERED to be a hostess.  So I guess it wasn't offensive to her.  But again this is an interesting question and I'm glad you posted this thread, because I had not even considered getting a hostess, but maybe I should, because I don't really have anyone handing out  programs or anything.  I guess I just thought my Day of Coordinator would do that.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm asking close friends/ FI's family members that would have made the bridal party entirely too large to be hostesses/ushers. They are all looking at it as an honor (I hope)....I'm planning on ordering corsages/bouttineres for all of them to make them honored parts of the day...I never thought about people thinking negatively of if :/...hopefully none of them are feeling that way
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  • edited December 2011
    I'm having my FI's sister, cousin, and my cousin be hostess. They are all teenagers. I couldn't ask someone my age to be a hostess because it does seem like work, but for our cousins I hope it doesn't seem like that. :-P
  • edited December 2011

    For those who fel the hostess will get lost in the shuffle...I understand what you mean. BUT there are some pros:

    - she gets to rock a fab dress, shoes, hairstyle of her choice
    - she's the FIRST face that anyone sees and can set the tone for the event
    - she probably didn't have the normal BM duties of listening to the bride vent, tying little bows on favor boxes, or cutting out 200 butterflies to be glued to the programs (which the BM also had to help cut out)

    All in all... being a hostess is a significant responsibility. And as for the standing part--more than one hostess can be assigned to shifts if it's going to be that long.

    For my wedding the girls will be standing for a total of 20 minutes to tell guests how to get to the lawn where the ceremony will be held. HTH

  • edited December 2011
    I have been both a BM and hostess.  I was a hostess in my cousin's wedding who was almost 8 years older than me.  My aunt and uncle rolled out the red carpet for this wedding spending nearly close to 100,000 included with the honeymoon.  I was honered to be included in the wedding especially considering I was the little cousin.  As a hostess all I was charged with was greeting people at the wedding ceremony with a happy face and passing out programs.  All other duties as handled by paid workers.  Also we had special dresses ordered for us. 
    I will be doing the same thing for my wedding having my little cousins being the hostess and having other individuals doing the other assigned duties no one wants to do.
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  • edited December 2011
    I was recently a hostess in a wedding, and while, I would rather be a bridesmaid, that day was not about me, it was about the bride. We, as humans, have the tendancy to be so self-centered. Anyway, we did what you put in your post. In addition, before the wedding, we set up the table numbers at the reception; put together the candy buffet; decorated the guestbook table; and helped the guys, bridal party, and families with boutenieres and coursages. At the reception, seating was assigned, so we were at the doors to greet and help guests find their assigned seats.

    While the bridesmaids attended to the bride, we attended to pretty-much everything else, so that it didn't have to worry the bride.

    Although some may see it as just a way to include some people, it really can be a meaningful and significant role.

    I think the most valuable piece of advice I can give from this whole wedding-planning process is that you can't please everyone, and you will hurt some peoples' feelings. SInce I'm such an accomodating person, this has been the hardest part for me. Get ready!
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