Children after marriage?

JKeyes2011

So if you do or don't have kids already...

If you don't have kids how long are you planning to wait after getting married to start trying for babies?
If you DO have kids and want more how long do you plan to try and have more?

I know for us the plan was to wait 2 - 3 years. I got mirena long-term birth control partly before of this plan. My FI talks to me the other day and says he wants them sooner. He is older than me by 14 years and will be 40 in just over 4 years (36 bday is only days away). He says he wants to be a father before he is 40. I'm fine with either plan because I adore kids, I helped raise my younger cousin (I'm having a hard time with him now being a pre-teen and me getting married and moving away...I've just been informed he has been talking on the phone with girls) For my FI he says the sooner the better, but we do want to have some time for ourselves because we both love to travel and I'm really the spur of the moment kind of girl. I want our kids to have the joys of traveling the world early and they will deffinately be going on plenty of trips, but I don't want to start them as babies...for one I am not dragging around a stroller and two I want them to remember their adventures.

Looks like now we have decided on only waiting a year to a year and a half before trying. If trying doesn't work I want to adopt which I've always wanted to adopt if I have my own kid or not. I have this thing about taking in kids and giving them the love they deserve...I get it from my mom.

NeColeMonet

I am coming into the relationship with a son (who turns SIX today, good Lord!! Where did the time go?).  We have agreed to wait a few years as well.  We want my son to adjust to FI being around (living with us) before we throw someone else up in the mix.  I'm also getting a Mirena ironically.  How has that been working out for you (if you don't mind me asking)?

JKeyes2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_children-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6cb50f30-024d-43b4-a2fc-d6d8eb77ef28Post:b73673ba-cbc2-47ff-877e-7b9327e41210">Re: Children after marriage?</a>:
[QUOTE]I am coming into the relationship with a son (who turns SIX today, good Lord!! Where did the time go?).  We have agreed to wait a few years as well.  We want my son to adjust to FI being around (living with us) before we throw someone else up in the mix.  I'm also getting a Mirena ironically.  How has that been working out for you (if you don't mind me asking)?
Posted by NeColeMonet[/QUOTE]

I actually love the mirena. I have High Blood Pressure and can't take regular birth control so my doctor suggested it. At first I was a little scared, but I went through with it. I read online to take a motrin before going to the appointment and I'm glad I did. My doctor did say if you have had kids already the process is easier and there is wayyy less pain...well its not really pain, its a really unconfortable feeling and then you get bad cramps. I had cramps after for 2 days, but then things are back to normal. The doctor said in about 6 months my period would go away. I've had it for the last 3 months and its getting lighter each time. So far I would say its working I'm not pregnant. They say it works over 99% of the time and I believe it, I read its dangerous to get pregnant with it in so I figured that they would make sure you didn't then.

I reccommend it to anyone for long term control.

missrekaeagle

Although my DH and I will be welcoming our first child into the world about 5 and 1/2 months after we got married, we plan to wait about 3 years before we have another baby.

prncsz

We don't have any and plan to wait at least three years after marriage before we began a family, but definitely before I turn 30. My mom made me promise to be done with having children by then. Plus fiance tells me all of the time he doesn't want to be an old man having children. He's just 5 years older than me.

winter443

We don't have any children. We plan to wait 3 to 5 years to start having kids.  I would like to have my first child before or by the time I'm 30.

PhillyBride123

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_children-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6cb50f30-024d-43b4-a2fc-d6d8eb77ef28Post:a3a71dd6-8942-402a-bfe9-ebbb2312eaaa">Re: Children after marriage?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children after marriage? : I actually love the mirena. I have High Blood Pressure and can't take regular birth control so my doctor suggested it. At first I was a little scared, but I went through with it. I read online to take a motrin before going to the appointment and I'm glad I did. My doctor did say if you have had kids already the process is easier and there is wayyy less pain...well its not really pain, its a really unconfortable feeling and then you get bad cramps. I had cramps after for 2 days, but then things are back to normal. The doctor said in about 6 months my period would go away. I've had it for the last 3 months and its getting lighter each time. So far I would say its working I'm not pregnant. They say it works over 99% of the time and I believe it, I read its dangerous to get pregnant with it in so I figured that they would make sure you didn't then. I reccommend it to anyone for long term control.
Posted by JKeyes2011[/QUOTE]

This is sooo timely...I have been thinking all this week about getting the Mirena. as a matter of fact on my ride to work today I said to myself "I have to call my GYN and ask her about Mirena". I am also a little nervous about getting it but I am waaayyy more nervous about getting pregnant (again)...I have 2 girls and I  don't want anymore, my FI also has 2 girls and he wants one more after we've been married 3 years so that we'll have that "connection"<img src="http://cdn.cl9.vanillaforums.com/downloaded/ver1.0/content/scripts/tinymce/plugins/emotions/images/smiley-undecided.gif" border="0" alt="Undecided" title="Undecided" /> ...

Thanks for the info on Mirena you've helped me not be so nervous about getting it...

JKeyes2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_children-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:400Discussion:6cb50f30-024d-43b4-a2fc-d6d8eb77ef28Post:76a942bd-09a0-4c0a-8892-bae397e30be4">Re: Children after marriage?</a>:
[QUOTE]We don't have any and plan to wait at least three years after marriage before we began a family, but definitely before I turn 30. My mom made me promise to be done with having children by then. Plus fiance tells me all of the time he doesn't want to be an old man having children. He's just 5 years older than me.
Posted by prncsz[/QUOTE]

My FI has been really worried about being an old dad. I keep trying to reassure him about it. I have quite a few friends who were born later and they are my age with dads who are 70 and doing well.
He also read all these articles about how the childs health can be in danger if the father is over 40 and blah blah. It's making him crazy in the head. He worries about it wayy to much, but I know its only because he cares about our future children already and he just wants what is best for them.

BabyKaykes

FI has an almost 17yo, and a 15.5yo. I have a 4.5yo. So we're already at capacity around here. We have lived together since practically the day we got together, so there aren't any real adjustments to make.

We've already lost 3 babies. At this point, we're just charting to make sure we don't get pg too soon before the wedding. But we agreed to toss out the charts in September and go for it! We both want more, and FI is so scared that by time we get another he'll be 50, lol!

playgirl28

I have two daughters from my previous relationship (10 & 8) & we have a 4 year old son together. The three of them keep us on our toes already so we decided our son is the last of the mohicans lol!  Plus my pregnancies were really high risk and my doctor told me if I got pregnant I would not be able to carry the baby full term

r-chelle

We have a 2 year old son together and HE wants two more. I'm comfortable with the one we have(lol) but i am agreeing to have one more for him =]. But we're not planning anymore children for the next 3 years, I need to graduate and get established at my new career first.

shaq123

We are planning to have a child soon after we get married , Our plans is to have one together and adopt a 4 year old . I am 10 years older then my FI so time is not on my side. I do not want to have a baby at 40 , I if get pregnant on my honeymoon it will be  a dream come true .

MIABRIDENTAMPA

Our original plan was to wait about 1yr before we started trying, but i guess we had other plans... Because we will have a baby in 7 months. I really only want 1 child, my fi has two preteens from a previous relationship so I think 3 is plenty, but he wants us to have at least 2 together. After this baby, if we have another it will be about 3 years afterwards. It works out because Im 27 and I do not want kids after 31. We love to travel and think its exciting to include the kids in our trips so that they get a taste of adventure too, plus our parents love love to baby sit. lol

Dani910

Neither of us have any kids.

We plan on starting trying to conceive the day john gets admitted to med school, that will be end of next year.

Now that i'm trying to do grad school, i'm considering waiting till i'm in my last semester...

not sure yet.

cyndon

Our plan is to start as soon as we get married.  FI is 41 and I am 33.  We will both be a year older this time next year, so we don't see the point in waiting any longer.  We want at least 2 together.  He already has 3 teenage girls, and I don't  have any at all.  My clock is ticking pretty loud these days, LOL!!!

Rhoyal_1

FI and I are waiting about 2-3 yrs before trying.  One issue, we would like to have two and because of my age, we will probably have them right after the other! LOL  Good thing our mothers "love a kids"!!  BTW- Anyone have Nuvaring?  FSIL told me it is working well for her and I am trying to find BC before the HM so it's not.."wait, you need a condom!"  I mean damn, he will be MY DH!  LMAO!

lca315girl

We currently don't have kids and depending on if I get in to a dental school will determine if we'll even try for kids. If I were to get in to a school, we probably wouldn't have kids of our own, but adopt. If I get in for Fall 2011, I'd be a DDS in 2015 and hopefully be an orthodontist either in 2017 or 2018, but I'd then have about $350,000 worth of student loans I'd need to pay back. If I get lucky and land at a place where I start off making 6 figures, I'd hope to have my dental school debt taken care of between 10-15 years. So I'd be between 41-46, which might be pushing it for my body to carry and deliver a child.

cincy2011

We're waiting until 1 year after we get married to try for kids.  We are both not getting any younger, but still want at least one year together as husband and wife without kids.  I also want to continue to get settled in Cincinnati and totally comfortable with my new job before conceiving. 

coco_chanell

FI and I plan to enjoy being newly weds for about a year. The plan is for me to stop taking birth-control pills a few months after the wedding and let it happen in God's divine order.

kahb

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_african-american-weddings_children-after-marriage?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:400Discussion:6cb50f30-024d-43b4-a2fc-d6d8eb77ef28Post:60312cb6-84de-410b-b9cb-f254512fae9f">Re: Children after marriage?</a>:
[QUOTE]We have a 2 year old son together and HE wants two more. I'm comfortable with the one we have(lol) but i am agreeing to have one more for him =]. But we're not planning anymore children for the next 3 years, I need to graduate and get established at my new career first.
Posted by r-chelle[/QUOTE] 

I feel this. I finish my master's next year and the wedding is scheduled 2 months after that so I definitely want to get the career jumped off first. Plus I think it's nice to enjoy a year or two in your new married life. We already live together but it still seems like we'll be starting over once it's legal.