South Asian Weddings

mendhi night - as an observer and not a participant?

Okay - I haven't actually had a conversation with my FI about this and wanted to get a feel from you ladies first.

My FI's family is from Bangladesh and I am Canadian. We are attempting to incorporate both aspects of our culture and traditions into our wedding day. 

We are having a western ceremony followed by a reception. I am wearing a white dress for the ceremony and for the first dance and then switching into a lengha later that night. 

I know we will be having a mendhi night but I am not keen on the idea of being covered in henna when I walk down the aisle in my white wedding dress. I love mendhi and it is beautiful...but is it rude to have that night and not participate in the mendhi stuff? I know I am the bride-to-be .....is this rude towards his parents?

Re: mendhi night - as an observer and not a participant?

  • rkmoore80rkmoore80
    First Comment
    member
    edited December 2011
    How about just having your plams done? Then you can keep the henna understated, but still participate in the mehndi. I also wore a white dress and didn't want to go elbow-deep with the henna. I had my palms done with a little bit over my ring finger, and I thought it looked nice with my dress.
  • rv224rv224
    10 Comments Second Anniversary
    member
    edited December 2011
    You can do silver mehndi now if you can find one near you. I know of one in NYC:
    http://www.akiyohenna.com/gallery

    (Luxe glow at the bottom). Maybe you can get a silver or gold one to match your gown? And everyone else can have a traditional one.

    On the flip side, I don't think it would be bad to not have a mehndi. Talk to your fiance about it first to see how tied his parents are to the idea.
  • edited December 2011
    I don't think it is rude if you don't want your arms to be covered in mehndi.  I agree with the PP though on maybe getting just your palms done?  I wouldn't think they would take offense if you didn't want to get it done but maybe ask your fiance to see what he thinks.
  • edited December 2011
    Okay thanks ladies! I could do my palms and that might be a nice touch.

    I'm also changing into a lengha later because I know it's important for my FI and his family...because I am doing this for them, perhaps they will be okay with me not participating in mendhi. I will talk to them!!
  • temurlangtemurlang
    1000 Comments Third Anniversary Combo Breaker
    member
    edited December 2011
    My H is Bengali, and I had mehndi (in India) because he grew up in Rajasthan and wanted it.  My ILs (FIL in particular) were actually a little against it because they felt it wasn't a "Bengali" custom.

    PPs idea about doing just your palms is a good one.  Also, you might leverage your own family on this... my mom would have hated it if I had mehndi on for our American wedding, so if necessary you might put it that way with your ILs (duty towards your parents' expectations and traditions).
  • edited December 2011

    Yes - my parents are trying to get used to all of these cultural differences and adjustments with wedding planning since we're having 1 wedding day and combining both together.

    Part of me is even second-guessing a wardrobe change and just sticking with my white wedding dress but am not sure my ILs would appreciate this....or my FI since he thinks I look so beautiful in cultural clothing.....

  • edited December 2011
    Doing just the palms is a good idea...Also, you could try do up other ideas normally covered by an American wedding dress that would be more fun for you (like your feet on your back/shoulders).  I knew someone who had it all over her feet from toes to knees with a very simple Arabic design on the palms. It still looked beautiful with her dress!
  • edited December 2011
    Henna on my feet is also a great idea!!!!!! This will allow me to participate in the mendhi as well :)

    Thank you!
  • blue1981blue1981
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    I am in a similar situation, we are having two weddings, an Indian wedding on January 6th and an American wedding on January 7th. My fiances family are of Indian descent and my family is of Russian Jewish descent. I wanted to do mendhi but I did not want it to show very much the next day  in my white dress. I decided to do my palms and my feet and calves and my lower back.
    BabyFetus Ticker
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