Stag & Doe Delima

AmyMack56

Stag & Doe parties are very popular where I live, if you don't know what a stag & doe is it is a party put on by the bride, groom and wedding party to make money for the wedding. Normally they rent hall charge 10 bucks to get in and sell tickets to prizes people have donated and sell booze. Here's the issue, I do not plan on having one because they are a lot of adding work and a lot of people either break even or make just some money.

Last year my FI was in a wedding party and was asked to donate money for a Texas Mickey ($30 bucks) and purchase another bottle as a raffle price ($30) the tickets for the stag & doe at 10 bucks each...so before we even got to the party we spent $80, then when we got there we felt obligate to buy raffle tickets and drinks, the night cost us about $100 bucks and he still had to rent his tux. This wedding cost us more then we could afford since we have been renovating our house.

So now we have 3 weddings in September to attend and have been invited to 2 stag & doe parties. One of the weddings my FI is in and they have decided to do the same as last years stag and doe by asking them to contribute a bottle of booze and money to a Texas Mickey and then he will have to rent a tux.  We are saving up for our own wedding and trying to finish renovating our house, we can not afford to buy gifts for weddings and stag and doe donations....
Is it rude to tell them that we can only either give them the stag and doe donations or a wedding gift?

ring_pop

I wouldn't phrase it quite like what you've said ("we can only give either one or the other") but I honestly don't think it would be rude at all if you just declined the stag & doe invitations all together.

Etiquette would say that you're never obligated to give a gift (or in your case, a "donation") and you're always free to decline an invitation for financial reasons. The way I see it, you're not throwing a stag and doe for yourself... so call it even.

Littlin

Ditto to PP - if you can't afford the party, then politely decline.

Madisonpenny

I dont know about anywhere else but here in Ottawa, the stag and doe is organized by the wedding party and the Bride and Groom have nothing to do with the organization.

number55

Stag and Doe's need to become extinct. The bride and groom need to host a wedding they can afford...fundraising 'parties'...regardless of who runs them, are not cool. I am so embarrassed to live in an area where they are so common. 

Cynthia1207

You guys realize that raffling alcohol is actually illegal in Canada right???

Anyways to answer your question I would just politely decline the invitation to the stag and doe.  No offense, but I never heard of this and it seems like a really tacky party that I wouldn't even want to attend anyway. 

avsfan33

If OP is from Ontario, any gambling at a stag and doe is illegal and it's a pretty hefty fine. Unless you spring for license for it. AGCO is meaaann.

MissLeahM

Huh.. I just came from one this weekend, where there were police there and there wasn't an issue. 

OP I would just tell them that unfortunately you cannot contribute. Maybe help to set up instead? Offer to do the door service.