Jack n Jills opposed or not opossed

bwinter03

I wrote a post on pre-wedding parties about ideas for Jack n Jills as my briadsmaids are throwing one for me and my responses where very against the whole idea and I feel like a horrible person now for having one (in liu of a shower) I dont know if Jack n Jills are just a Canadian thing or if people really are so strongly against them? I have been to many myself and have always had a great time.

apaadzzzz

I'm a Canadian that has lived in NY my whole life, and I'm getting married in the Niagara region of Canada.  This is definately a Canadian thing.  My whole family has them and it is the norm, they were shocked to hear I'm not doing one.  You'll find on these boards any situation where your guests spend money is going to be very ppoorly received i.e. Cash bar, gifts, stag/doe.  I have never been to a Canadian wedding that didn't have a cash bar or stag and doe.  My cousin just got married and even though no one in the fam went to stag and doe, everyone bought tickets.  If you have questions about this definately keep it on the local board, bc you will probably be "attacked," they have very strong opinions about this stuff.  I came across a similar situation where a girl was being attacked for the same reason, so I posted that this is the norm and expected in Canada, and as a result I also was attacked.

I say go for it, and ask your friends, fam, and the girls on this board for reccommendations.  Personally bc I live in NY, and I am not doing this I don't have any experinece to offer reccommendations.  I was shocked to first discover the difference in Americam/Canadian weddings.  Growing up in the states our wedding will be more of a traditional American wedding but in Canada, but the Fam is always confused by the things we are doing differently.  I was also shocked about how much longer Canadian weddings are! When are venue said we had from 5pm-1am I was shocked!!! That totally beats the typical 4-5hr wedding here.

Littlin

We are having a J&J hosted by FI's mom's relatives, and a ladies only shower hosted by my aunt.  We had a wine tasting J&J a few weeks ago hosted by FI's parents friends and had a blast!  A party is a party!

We're not doing a "stag and doe" type party where we ask people to pay for tickets, though - not my thing, but I've been to a few before.

bwinter03

Thanks so much for the input....it really makes me feel better:) I was "attacked" on the other board and was very confused as to why. Now that I know that this is a canadian thing I will keep my questions on the Canadian side!!!
 
Wow I didnt reliaze the difference between amercian/canadian weddings that must make things a little difficult for you, having so many different ways that things are done.

I think people should do whatever they feel comfortable doing and just try to enjoy the whole experience; we only get married once:)

ring_pop

I just don't like the idea of paying to go to a party, knowing that that money will be used to fund someone's wedding.

But, if all of your friends and family expect and want to do it for you, what does it matter what anyone else thinks?

Kmason21

Definitely a Canadian thing.
We weren't really with or against them and didn't care either way if we had one or not, but our bridal party really wanted to throw one for us.  We said from the beginning that it's not about the money, whether we make it or not.. no big deal.

Have fun and enjoy it!

unplainjane

i'm canadian and and i don't find anything wrong with them. i see them as just a big party. a couple of my friends had them. the thing is guests aren't required to go. so if anyone has a problem with it they don't have to come : )

bwinter03

I have to say I love Canadian's (no offence to any non-canadians); Even ring_pop who is not big on the whole idea was not negative about it, there is always a way to speak your mind without being rude! On my other post everyone was negative and plain rude and I was just asking a question. Anyways thank ladies this just makes me more proud to be canadian

PaigeMcC

I've never been to a Jack n Jill but I've heard of them.  I think it's okay if you're just having a party but if it's the ones where you have to buy tickets and such...well...I'm not down on that.  I think it's rude.  But if it's something that you do, and your circle of friends do, then go for it.

Also, I don't think it's just a Canadian thing.  There were some girls on NEY board talking about throwing one a few weeks ago.

Littlin

When I think of Jack & Jill I think co-ed shower - like the girls only one...but with boys too...

When I hear Stag & Doe I think of those parties where you have to pay to go, and you buy tickets and there's games and giveaways and stuff?

I know they mean the same thing, but I think differently when I hear them!

echo136

I think they are fine! Everyone asks Fi and I if we are having one but it's not our style. We are getting married 4 hours from where we live so we might have a stag and doe of sorts before the wedding but would donate the money that is raised to the Canadian Cancer Society or Testicular Cancer. We don't want it for the money for us, more for the celebration of people who can't come to the wedding. Fi battled testicular cancer last year so it would be a great way to help support those going through it.

I think it all depends on where your culture and stuff though. Where I live open bars are the thing. Fi has 2 brothers getting married both doing open bar. Every time fi and I mentioned open bars at the venues we looked at in my hometown they looked at us like we were dumb.  So I think its the same with Jack and Jills (stag and does). they are big where we live but not where Im from. 

ring_pop

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/local-wedding-boards_canada_jack-n-jills-opposed-not-opossed?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Local%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:46Discussion:fe99f1a8-db8e-45e2-a484-e17bd87e188fPost:a5fb5970-cccd-429b-a70b-3b52059e6b1f">Re: Jack n Jills opposed or not opossed</a>:
[QUOTE]I think they are fine! Everyone asks Fi and I if we are having one but it's not our style. We are getting married 4 hours from where we live so we might have a stag and doe of sorts before the wedding but <strong>would donate the money that is raised to the Canadian Cancer Society or Testicular Cancer.</strong> We don't want it for the money for us, more for the celebration of people who can't come to the wedding. Fi battled testicular cancer last year so it would be a great way to help support those going through it. I think it all depends on where your culture and stuff though. Where I live open bars are the thing. Fi has 2 brothers getting married both doing open bar. Every time fi and I mentioned open bars at the venues we looked at in my hometown they looked at us like we were dumb.  So I think its the same with Jack and Jills (stag and does). they are big where we live but not where Im from. 
Posted by echo136[/QUOTE]

I LOVE this idea!! (Especially given your backstory).

bwinter03

echo136 that is a great idea! I think you would get alot of support doing something like that

echo136

Thanks Guys!!! It's definitely something we are hoping will happen in the fall!!!  Just have to get in contact with the right people!!  

superheroprincess

Where I'm from (northern Ontario) almost everyone has a stag and doe.  Personally I don't want to have one if I'm not having an open bar.  I think that asking people to spend money on a bar twice is a bit too much.  But it's very common where I'm from.

I'm not sure if a Jack N Jill is the same thing.  I always thought that a Jack n Jill more of a shower with both men and women, a gift giving thing that only people who are invited to the wedding attend. 

and a Stag and Doe is a dance party with a DJ and games and you have to buy a ticket to attend.  It's more of a fundraiser and they sell jello shooters and have door prizes and anyone in the world can attend.

That's how we do it where I'm from and I'm assuming it's different per region.

Littlin

I think the same way as superhero does!

aleannep

I don't think the Stag and Doe (ticket type) parties are Canadian per se...  I'm from the East Coast and live in Alberta.  I've only ever heard of them happening in Ontario...  So, for someone who's never experienced one, it struck me as a little different (not sure what I'd think about going to a party to raise money to pay for the wedding) but, if it's the norm where you are, go for it!

raynes

The Stag and Doe (ticket selling) seems to be more of a Southern Ontario thing than I Canadian thing, at least, if you believe Wikipedia.

I very much agree with what superhero said about having one only if you're doing an open bar.  Mind you, we spent a lot more on our open bar than we made at our S&D, but we were cool with that, since the open bar was important.

I think that, as with most things, it just comes down to what's the norm for your area and your group of friends/family.

superheroprincess

FYI - I'm from Northern Ontario (about 6 hours north of Toronto) and almost everyone here has a stag and doe (it's actually uncommon not to have one!), so it isn't just a southern Ontario thing.
Pretty interesting to know that it seems to be mostly an Ontario thing though!

Raynes:  If you don't mind me asking, how much was your open bar?  What did you serve and how many guests? (We still haven't decided on that part as I'm for an open bar and FI against it!)

I have been to several weddings and several stag and does and only 2 weddings I've been too have been open bar (both Italian weddings) and oddly enough neither of those weddings had a Stag and Doe.

OP - I think that if your bridal party wants to host a Jack and Jill for you then let them do it!  Sounds like a blast and you only get married once! 

PS. Stick to the Canadian Board, the regular board doesn't seem to understand some of our customs and instead just attacks people for thinking differently.

raynes

I don't mind at all!

We served wine, beer and basic mixed drinks.  All told (after our venues service charge and tax) the bar was $3504. Our final count to the venue was 139 people, but we had a few no-shows and a few leave quite early.

To break it down we had:
33 bottles of wine
197 bottles of beer
240 mixed drinks

We had a cocktail style reception that ran from about 7-7:30 until 1am.

bwinter03

superhero...I am also doing an open bar at my wedding but we have gotten our own licence ($25.00 from LCBO) and are buying our own. I think it may work out to a little less then paying bar prices. We made our own wine (124 bottles) for about$600.00 and I started buying licquor early and getting stuff while it was on sale (i didnt save much but $2-$3 per bottle adds up) I think i spend about $1000.00 and I will buy about $450.00 worth of beer about 15 cases of 24. (some budget some premium) so approx. $2050.00 total plus mixers (juice, pop ect.) I am having approx. 130 people. So it's another option if you have a venue that allows you to do that.

superheroprincess

Thanks bwinter03! 
It's a great idea (and every dollar adds up!) but unfortunately our venue doesn't allow any drinks brought in except wine (and it has to be store bought).
Sucks but C'est la vie! :P

ReadySetLetsWed

I have been wondering about the differences because I see so many people attacked for things that are the norm for me. I have posted on a few post but thats it because I agree with the poster but don't want my head ripped off.

As far as I am aware there is only one place to have an open bar in my town and I am not willing to pay any of the fees they want and it's way to elegant and out there for the style of wedding I want, but at least it's be expected and nobody will be shocked.

The Stag and Doe I don't want as I don't want my family and friends to have to keep dishing out money when we are all going through the changes of HST, plant closures and such.

I have made my mother, future mother in law, step mother and bridesmaid aware that I would prefer a mixed shower and we would do it as a family bbq type event in replace of shower and stag and doe. That way we could have a pre wedding party the way we all would be comfortable and save alot of people money.

I don't know I still have alittle time to change my mind but I doubt it.

lycindy

Hi Everyone,

I've been lurking and thought I would put in my 2 cents. I would have to say that it really depends on culture and background. 

My FI is Polish and I'm Chinese and both our families would be appalled if we had a stag and doe.  In fact, Polish wedding customs  treat their guests to a 2 day receptions that includes unlimited Vodka and Chinese custom treats the guest to a 12 course meal and all tables will be set with the most expensive brandy and cognac and full bar.

Unfortunately FI and I cannot afford to follow the customs so we will just host open bar.

Nukke

I'm from SW ontario and love stag n does, but I love jack n jills too!

I'm having neither, though, because FI is from the states, so his side wouldn't really get it. 

breezerb

Being from a small town in the Ottawa Valley, I have grown very accustomed to Jack & Jills/Stag & Does and love them! Almost every single friend that has gotten married has had one and it is both expected and supported.  It is not necessarily seen as "paying for the wedding" but celebrating with friends and having a good time.  It is usually $5 tickets and a reduced price on drinks (ex. 6 drink tickets for $20) so although you are paying it would be cheaper than if we went out for beverages (and in a lot of cases here, the couple does not keep the money made on the bar).  As well the couple usually supplies a midnight buffet so that their guests get a bite to eat, which I guess is included in your ticket price. It may just be that it's a great excuse to see people that you have not seen in a long time or get a large group of people together, everyone loves a party.  I have absolutely no problem paying $25-40 to have a great time and support a great couple when it would cost me more if we went out and simply had drinks and apps at a bar.