Advice on what to tell friend?

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I rarely post here but I feel like you ladies might be able to offer some good advice.

I have a very dear friend I grew up with who now lives in Washington state with her husband.  They've been married for a year and a half.  They have struggled for a very long time with jobs/money/finances.  His college degree is in forestry and she has a business degree; she currently works as a receptionist at a vet clinic and he was recently laid off from his job, so money has been tight.

We have the kind of relationship where we ask each other to pray for certain things going on in our lives - lately I've been praying a lot for their job situation.  My friend's dad told her he would pay for them to move home to ND if they could get jobs here, so her husband went on a trip a few weeks ago and had some job interviews.  Yesterday she texted me and told me that he got a rejection letter from a job he really wanted.

I replied and told her that I was so sorry, and that I would continue to pray for him and for their situation.  She then said "Praying does shiit.  God doesn't fucking care about us.  He's practicaly laughing by now I'm sure.  I am just sick of getting turned away and turned down."

I didn't respond to that because I basically didn't know what to say to her.  I've never heard her talk that way.  I understand that she feels lost and scared right now, but I don't know how to tell her to not be angry with God or turn from Him during this time - because these are the times we need Him most.  Any words of advice?

joie424

First - I am so sorry your friend is going through this. I can't imagine how that kind of situation would put a strain on a marriage and having a normal life. You are a good friend for continually praying for her.

If it were me praying for a friend and I received that from her, I would give her some space for a little while (like a day or two), which it sounds like you did, and I would check on her consistently every several days (or couple.. depending on how close you are I guess). Just tell her you are continuing to pray for her, and you don't believe for a second that God doesn't care. Let her know that you believe God will bring them through it, even though this period in their life seems endless. If it were me I'd send her encouraging words continuously even if she sends resistence to it in return. The best thing you can do is to just be consistent in your encouragement and prayers.

SuMmErKuTiE

I love the book of Job in the Bible because it's a story of how someone had everything and then lost everything and instead of being angry with God, he continued to praise God and was then rewarded with more than he had before. Such an awesome story!

Because of that story, I always remember that sometimes God puts us through trials and even when we feel all is lost, that we need to continue to turn to Him and trust in Him that He will provide for us in His perfect timing.

I'm not sure exactly how you should approach the situation with your friend, but remind her that God would never laugh at our misfortunes and that it doesn't always seem like He is looking out for us, but He is. Sometimes the hard times we're going through are only to make us stronger in the end, not bitter and angry. It's so hard when you're in that situation, but it's so true. I've been through the ringer with personal and financial situations and God has always delivered me out of the bad times, maybe not always when I wanted it to happen, but He did and I'm so thankful for where I'm at now in my life and I know I needed to rely on Him and trust in Him instead of trying to do things myself all the time.

DramaGeek

I think dismissing her fears/concerns and coming back with "oh, God isn't laughing at you" will just make her angrier.  I probably would leave that part alone for a while but acknowledge how she feels.  "I'm sorry you feel that way, I can't imagine how hard and scary this must be, is there anything I can do to make this time of your life easier?"

I've been there - it took me 3 years to find a job after finishing grad school.  I was the only one in my cohort who didn't have a position within a year.  It was awful.  The feeling of rejection and not being good enough is the worst part of it, I think.  Acknowledging that her feelings are real and that it's ok to feel that way would probably be very helpful to her and be refreshing.  I got so tired of people trying to cheer me up, people telling me stories of other people they knew who were in the same situation but then were saved from it, etc.  All I wanted was someone to say "you know what, you're right.  This does suck and it's ok to feel upset and angry and frustrated.  Scream, throw things, do what you need to do.  Have that pity party...for a while.  Then get back out there and show the world how awesome you are."

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_advice-tell-friend?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:22065825-8349-451a-9c6a-d9d05c7058f2Post:683c2df0-5ef2-4331-8185-a01fe64a7e7b">Re: Advice on what to tell friend?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think dismissing her fears/concerns and coming back with "oh, God isn't laughing at you" will just make her angrier.  I probably would leave that part alone for a while but acknowledge how she feels.  "I'm sorry you feel that way, I can't imagine how hard and scary this must be, is there anything I can do to make this time of your life easier?"
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

This.

I don't know your friend, but from what you've said it seems like she didn't mean what she said. She's frustrated, scared, and I think our first reaction as humans is to assume God doesn't care. I wouldn't stop praying, but I would stop bringing it up until she does.

I have a friend who's life is one crisis after another. And I'm always the one who gets to hear about it. She went through a three month period where she was "sure" God didn't care about her or her life. I never agreed with her, but I also never argued with her.

I'll be praying for your friend and for you! I know how hard it can be to be in that position.

GJones27

Wow, that's tough.  I really, honestly don't know what to say.  I'll think about it.  In the meantime, I'll pray that you find the right words.  

AshNoel8

Wow, I am so sorry about this. The girls had good advice. I probably would have immediately said, "Of course God cares about you" and given her a speech about how sometimes we need to go through hard times in order to fulfill God's plan and/or learn a lesson or become stronger..... However, that would have been the wrong thing to do! I don't think I could have let that comment go, but the other girls on here are right- letting it go is probably the best thing. I will pray that you do what you feel is best and I will also pray that your friend's eyes are opened to how much God loves her. 

AllAboutTheBenjamin

Thanks for the input ladies, I really appreciate it