Shoot...

mrandmrsbrist

I'm not even sure where to begin with this...I've mentioned it a few times in passing on the board, but I don't think I've ever given the full story.

I have this friend. She was my "best friend" all through middle and high school. When I got engaged, she went sideways. No congratulations, no asking about about plans, just jealousy. It's been the same through my entire engagement.

I chose not to have her as a bridesmaid. This friend is controlling and opinionated and I knew the best choice was to not include her in the bridal party. I chose to have just the siblings (my sister and his two brothers) so that way she didn't feel like I was choosing other friends over her.

I was continuing to put effort into the friendship until Thursday. Thursday night we got in a fight about how she's losing me as a friend because I'm getting married and that she hates my FI. She called my FI creepy (I mentioned he has slight aspergers), said that our wedding isn't a "real wedding" and that it's "a joke." She said I have no real friends because everyone talks about me behind my back.

I called FI really upset. I was at the apartment two and a half hours away, alone, and couldn't calm down. The next day I informed my parents and grandparents that I was done trying to be her friend and she probably wouldn't be at the shower or the wedding. (She was helping plan the shower with my grandma)

Today, during my dress fitting she texts me saying she wants her money. She's overdrawn in her bank account and she needs to pay a deposit to the ministry school she's going to. So, I offered to hold the fundraising money in my account so that she doesn't have to deal with her bank problems. I informed her that I couldn't get it out of the ATM (because the ATM has a $200 withdrawal limit) and that I don't plan on giving it to her. I said I would mail it. She said she needs it today and that it can't wait.

Her family is now blowing up my phone with messages and calls and my Facebook. My shower starts in three hours and I wouldn't put it past them to show up...I just don't know what to do anymore...

kcadonau

that really stinks, seriously. i hope everything works out why was she asking you for her money? (i think i might have missed/misread something so i'm just checking)

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_shoot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6328e470-5176-4ac3-a62e-6036d3695846Post:baab963c-a0e2-47a9-9f98-7f2e4aafb405">Re: Shoot...</a>:
[QUOTE]that really stinks, seriously. i hope everything works out :( why was she asking you for her money? (i think i might have missed/misread something so i'm just checking)
Posted by kcadonau[/QUOTE]

She needs to send the deposit off now.

Basically, she can't put the money in her bank because she's overdrawn by an obscene amount. So she asked me to hold it for her. And now she needs to send the deposit to the school she got into.

I don't know why she's asking for it today of all days. She knows I have wedding stuff all day...my mom thinks she wants to ruin my day, but I'm trying to hope that she isn't that spiteful.

SoonToBeGenao

Oh boy I'm sorry sweetie. What a rough situation! Hopefully you can relax and forget all about it during the shower

drama1308

I'm sorry things haven't gone well with your friend. (or is she a "friend" ?) I'm praying for you girl. Praying that everything works out. If my opinion counts at all, I think you're being a really good friend for holding her money for her and still trying to keep the lines of communication open. I bet it stinks to lose a friend. 

ps Have fun at your shower and let us know how it goes!

FaithCaitlin

Wow, I don't know what to even say except I'm sorry.

You're handling her nastiness better than I would... I can't believe what she said about your FI, you and your wedding. I know you know that what she said isn't true, but I'll say it again: it's not true! She is just being mean and jealous.

Honestly, she doesn't seem to be deserving of your friendship. While I don't like to "cut people off", I think, for your own sanity, that you should stop talking to this girl after you give her the money. 

If you're sure she isn't going to go postal, I'd follow through with your plan to mail the money to her. OR, if she is insisting, I'd let your mom (or another person) meet her and give it to her. I personally would not want to see her. 

Aside from all of this, I hope you have a wonderful shower! And, of course, I'll be praying for you and her (sounds like she needs it more...). 

GJones27

She doesn't sound like a friend me. I don't understand how she could treat you that way and ask for money.  Ugh... Sorry to hear you have to go through this.

iamjoesgurl

Wow - just wow.  I'm glad you had not included her in the wedding.  Hope everything went okay today.  I'll be praying for you.

sprtychick10

I am sorry she is acting this way, not like a friend at all. Hope there wasn't any drama at the shower. Don't let her ruin your happiness. 

kalizoomba

wow, she sounds a lot like a friend I had until I met FI -- except mine friend is a wiccan . I'll be praying for you.  

mrandmrsbrist

An update:

The shower went well. She did show up, but when she pulled into the parking lot of the church, my wedding planner was outside and told her she wasn't welcome and needed to leave. I didn't even know it happened until after the shower was over.

I paid the $5/month to have her and all of her family blocked on our plan. I also blocked her and all of her family members on my Facebook and have my privacy settings on serious lock down.

My sister is going to drop the money off at her house on Monday. She'll just have to wait until then.

DramaGeek

Piece of unsolicited advice - get a cashier's check or money order for the money you need to give her.  That way you have proof that you gave it.  I also wouldn't drop it off, I'd send it certified so she has to sign for it - more proof.

mrandmrsbrist

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_shoot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6328e470-5176-4ac3-a62e-6036d3695846Post:5e381218-4ce1-4b9f-8457-fb441d99c3e9">Re: Shoot...</a>:
[QUOTE]Piece of unsolicited advice - get a cashier's check or money order for the money you need to give her.  That way you have proof that you gave it.  I also wouldn't drop it off, I'd send it certified so she has to sign for it - more proof.
Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

I didn't even think of that. Thank you, I will.

sessionswedding

I'm sorry that this has all gone so bad, but I'm glad that you have taken steps to keep her and her family from bothering you at such an important time.  Laura gave some great advice about the money.  I'll be praying for you both.

DramaGeek

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_shoot?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6328e470-5176-4ac3-a62e-6036d3695846Post:fb85edfa-51e3-4891-bd3b-ed539d8f430b">Re: Shoot...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Shoot... : I didn't even think of that. Thank you, I will.
Posted by mrandmrsbrist[/QUOTE]

<div>That's why they pay me the big bucks ;-)</div><div>
</div><div>I'm sorry that she's caused so much grief for you, but it sounds like you've responded in the best, least dramatic way possible.  Hopefully this is all behind you once the money is delivered.</div>

amongthelilies25

well i am very impressed and proud of how you have handled this situation! (: 

i am sorry that she is causing soo much drama but i am glad to hear that you have an awesome wedding planner so that you didnt have to deal with her at the shower. and i am also glad that the shower went well. (: 

i will praying for you! (:

letyourselfgo

Sounds almost exactly like the same situation that I was in with my ex-best friend.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this person. I'll keep praying for you.

mrandmrsbrist

Another update:

Sent a cashier check through certified mail (thank you, Drama!!) today. She called my mom asking where her money was around 9 AM. My mom informed her of the plan and that it'll be delivered tomorrow (since it's just going across town). Looks like I"m finally done with her. I have such a peace about everything.