Christian/Catholic

kelsielanae

My BF and I have been talking about getting married and well his family nor him are as big on religion as my family is. I am Christian Baptist and he is Catholic, how do you know what church to get married in? Any ideas as to how we can put a little of both of our religions in our wedding?

fpaemp2011

First, the two of you need to talk about what role religion and church is going to hold in your marriage, before you even think about the wedding.  Will you attend church together?  Which church? How will you raise your children?  Talk to your pastor and his priest about what would be required for you to get married in either church, and make this decision together. 

If you have a Catholic wedding, there might not be too many things you can just "add" to the ceremony.  There is also a Catholic board under "Cultural Boards" and those ladies can help you as well.  Also, a Protestant minister may not want to add Catholic traditions, either.  If you want to "combine" traditions, you may need to be open to hiring an officiant rather than having your pastor or his priest officiate.

kellya01

I think your question kind of answered itself: "His family nor him are as big on religion as my family is."

If they are not devout, and it wouldn't offend them, you're probably fine having the ceremony at your church.  However, if his family is adamant about a Catholic bishop / Father blessing the union, you'll probably have to have it at a Catholic church and do your pre-marital counseling with that same priest (I think they call it pre-cana).  

If his family isn't 100% on having it at a Catholic church, honestly, I'd just have it where you and your family are.  I don't know that it is necessarily "who is more religious" but really "to whom does it matter more."  

What does your future FI want? 

There is a Catholic Weddings board if you end up having to plan a wedding that is at his church.  If not, I'm a Baptist and I think there are a few others on here who could also offer advice if you decide to go that way. 

Good luck! 

EDIT: I agree with PP about figuring out where you and FI would be after the wedding -- that should be something that is discussed before you are engaged.  It is crucial to be on the same page as far as church BEFORE you decide to take that big step.  However, if you already know the answer to that, and you still aren't sure which church due to FI's family and your family, then my post applies.  :-) 

kelsielanae

Thats the thing, he mentioned to me last week that he wants us to find our own church to go to, a Christian one, not Catholic. So I guess I just need to talk to him about that. He mainly just wants it to be in a beautiful church.

iamjoesgurl

Just to clarify, Catholicism is a Christian faith.  I agree with discussing this once you are engaged with both a Catholic priest and a Protestant minister if you are unsure about what type of ceremony to have.  You could incorporate communion into your ceremony in a Protestant church if you want to incorporate something from a typical Catholic ceremony (which is more common in a Catholic ceremony than a non-Catholic ceremony).

And I agree with pps that you should both be in agreement on how you will live out your faith before getting married.  I have known couples in the past that were not in agreement and it has been very difficult on their marriage.  Also, the Bible speaks about the importance of being equally yoked so it is an important thing to discuss before marriage.

jenn.daniel

We know a couple just like you and your FI.  They decided on a chapel that allows them to bring in their officiants.  I think they're having her Baptist minister and a Catholic priest. 

The bride's father is Catholic and her mother is Baptist.  I think they attend church separately, and they let their kids decide on their own.

Calypso1977

the biggest question your FI needs to ask himself is "do i want my marriage recognized by teh Catholic church". 

if his answer is yes, then you will need to marry in a catholic church.  if his answer is "no" then you can either marry in your faith or find a new faith that you want to embrace together and go from there.

as a baptist, you can marry in another christian faith (catholic or otherwise) and your baptist faith will recognize your marriage and you can continue to practice the baptist faith.  if your FI marries outside of the catholic church, he really cannot continue to practice his catholic faith (i.e. receive communion and the like) as the church will consider him to be living in a state of sin.

i'm guessing he may get some pushback from his family on this because as catholics they will understand the implications of what i stated in my prior paragraph.  however, if he no longer wishes to be catholic, then he shoudl find a faith that suits his beliefs and he should convert over.

heyimbren

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_christiancatholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6af091e3-254e-4ada-9149-579353c492bfPost:e9f16014-b594-4721-b5c1-df747a3c505c">Re: Christian/Catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]Thats the thing, he mentioned to me last week that he wants us to find our own church to go to, a Christian one, not Catholic. So I guess I just need to talk to him about that. He mainly just wants it to be in a beautiful church.
Posted by kelsielanae[/QUOTE]

Calypso made a very good point. If you two are leaning towards attending a Protestant Church, then I'd look into Protestant churches. Unless he wants to have his marriage recognized by the Catholic Church, like Calypso mentioned.

However, I really don't see the great importance of getting married in a beautiful church, rather than one that is meaningful to one (or both) of you, particularly when you're religious.

iamjoesgurl

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_christiancatholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6af091e3-254e-4ada-9149-579353c492bfPost:ab8309d9-3cb0-4804-93a9-859855d58e26">Re: Christian/Catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]if your FI marries outside of the catholic church, he really cannot continue to practice his catholic faith (i.e. receive communion and the like) as the church will consider him to be living in a state of sin. Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

I didn't know this.  My FIL is a devout Catholic (attends mass daily, teaches Catholic education classes, etc.) and when he and MIL got married, they got married in her Baptist church. He has always been Catholic.  Just out of curiosity, is there any way to get the Catholic church to recognize the marriage for a couple who gets married outside of the church?  I am sort of shocked that he married outside of the Catholic church now that I know this.

Calypso1977

ive heard you can get a dispensation from the bishop to have a wedding that was performed in another church recognized by the catholic church, but its usually for pretty extenuating/unique circumstances.

now it could be your IL's marriage is not recognized and your FIL continues to receive communion, etc. - doesnt mean he should.  catholics are expected to be in a state of grace when tehy receive communion.  if his marriage is not recognized by the church, he is essentially committing a sin every time he has sex with his wife since the church would considered it out of wedlock sex.  since we all know the catholic church is against premarital sex, he therefore should not recieve communion aware that he has that sin on his soul.  that is not to say that every person who receives is sin-free, although the teachings say that we ideally should be as free of sin as possible.  thats why many priests have issues with couples who live together for example.

i shoudl rephrase what i said prior.  really, the only thing he shoudlnt be doing iwth an unrecognized marriage is taking communion.  there's nothing that says he cannot teach, attend mass, etc. with an unrecognized marriage.  for example, someone who has been excommunicated can still attend mass - they just cant partake in any sacraments. 

iamjoesgurl

Thanks for explaining.  That's really interesting.

Jennifer&Nate

A Protestant/Catholic couple I know are having two ceremonies...a small Catholic one with just immediate family so it will be recognized by the Catholic church, then a Protestant ceremony/reception at another point with their entire guest list. Not sure about all the logistics, but that's one way of doing it, I suppose.

Calypso1977

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_christiancatholic?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6af091e3-254e-4ada-9149-579353c492bfPost:39b721e4-73bb-416d-b859-fdd31cee0157">Re: Christian/Catholic</a>:
[QUOTE]A Protestant/Catholic couple I know are having two ceremonies...a small Catholic one with just immediate family so it will be recognized by the Catholic church, then a Protestant ceremony/reception at another point with their entire guest list. Not sure about all the logistics, but that's one way of doing it, I suppose. :)
Posted by Jennifer&Nate[/QUOTE]

that's technically two weddings since they will be married in the eyes of teh church and of the state with wedding #1.  also, priests who know you plan to do this type of arrangement often wont marry you.