Christian Weddings

Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints

My Fiance and I are very firm about wanting a dry wedding.

We are having a dry wedding for religious purposes and also because we have a handful of alcoholics in the family and don't want any issues.
We are already getting some complaints from family and friends and know there will be more to come when it's officially announced on our save the dates.

How do I get people to understand? Has anyone faced this problem?

Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints

  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    You may never get them to understand.  Just be firm in your stance.  When people make comments, respond with something like, "thank you for your opinion.  So, what are you doing this weekend?"

    We did have a dry wedding, but if anyone complained it wasn't to us.

    Oh, and by "officially announced," do you mean you're putting something on the STDs about it being dry?  Please don't do that.  There's no need to advertise it.  Just have plenty of good beverages and let people deal.
  • edited December 2011
    Thank you for the advice :)

    I was planning on putting it on the save the dates as suggested by some cousins who also had a dry wedding and as requested by my parents. The suggestion/request was made so that people know right away.
  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:04949a67-ff98-43b0-ac8c-39381cb76604">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for the advice :) I was planning on putting it on the save the dates as suggested by some cousins who also had a dry wedding and as requested by my parents. The suggestion/request was made so that people know right away.
    Posted by LIzBurke3[/QUOTE]

    <div>It really rubs me the wrong way to put it on the STD.  I wouldn't do it.  You could create a wedding website and have it there instead, then put the website on the STD.  I feel like putting "dry reception" on the STD is either shoving it in people's faces or asking for their input, neither of which you're trying to do.</div><div>
    </div><div>To put it on the website, I would write something like</div><div>
    </div><div>Our reception will be held in the XYZ venue from This time to That time.  Dinner and a selection of non-alcholic beverages will be served.</div><div>
    </div><div>Much more subtle, but still gets the info out there.</div>
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:8424233a-f40c-4a49-af43-15faa9b21711">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints : It really rubs me the wrong way to put it on the STD.  I wouldn't do it.  You could create a wedding website and have it there instead, then put the website on the STD.  I feel like putting "dry reception" on the STD is either shoving it in people's faces or asking for their input, neither of which you're trying to do. To put it on the website, I would write something like<strong><u> Our reception will be held in the XYZ venue from This time to That time.  Dinner and a selection of non-alcholic beverages will be served</u></strong>. Much more subtle, but still gets the info out there.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]

    I like that!
  • FaithCaitlinFaithCaitlin member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Before we moved our wedding to Orlando we were having a dry wedding. I made the mistake of telling extended family and they were very judgemental. 

    My parents weren't too understanding either and kept nagging me about having alcohol. 

    My strategy was to just ignore it and keep my mouth shut. I decided I wouldn't tell anyone else that we were keeping it dry and that they would all just find out at the reception. I figured that if someone said something to me AT my reception they'd be the one that looked disrespectful.

    I planned on serving a variety of fun mocktails which I hoped would appease the grumps.

    If you want to keep it dry stick to your guns and keep your mouth shut. No one is going to understand and that's okay. It's your wedding!

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  • catwinecatwine member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Honestly, I'd say don't tell people. If they ask you can say it's a dry wedding becuase some family members have issues with too much drinking. I've flat out said that to people in my family and I think they assume it's my fiance's family with the problem. We have also said that a wedding isn't a time to get drunk and don't want to be resonsible if guests drive drunk and get into an accident.

    I hope it works out for you:)
  • fpaemp2011fpaemp2011 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer Name Dropper
    edited December 2011
    We didn't tell anyone.  We didn't want it, my parents wouldn't have paid for it if we did, and it's really nobody's business.  It wasn't "advertised" until people were in the reception room.  On the reception program at everyone's seat, we had:

    Fellowship Hour 6:30-7:30
    All beverages are non-alcoholic
  • CheetaNita05CheetaNita05 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We are having a dry wedding due to the same reasons as you.  I do all I can not to bring it up , but if asked I tell them.  I know there are certain family members that do not like this, but remember this is your wedding, you are the one who has to pay for the damage if people get drunk and ruin property, and etc.  I agree with others I would not put this on the save the date.  If they show up and it's not there they can't complain to you until it's over.
  • kipnuskipnus member
    First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:346efed2-2d5e-4b9c-99a5-a7f991f8e43e">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE] I agree with others I would not put this on the save the date.  If they show up and it's not there they can't complain to you until it's over.
    Posted by CheetaNita05[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>This. I wouldn't bother putting it on the wedding website, either. I would hate for people not to come because they know it's dry, or for them to pre-drink heavily to compensate...

    </div>
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the advice everyone! You guys make some great points.
  • DramaGeekDramaGeek member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:c6f2462d-6b48-45cd-bd19-c6afde7b611e">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints : This. I wouldn't bother putting it on the wedding website, either. I would hate for people not to come because they know it's dry, or for them to pre-drink heavily to compensate...
    Posted by kipnus[/QUOTE]

    I suppose that's a possibility, but I know that we didn't have anyone skip the reception because it was dry, nor did anyone pre-game or sneak out to the parking lot for a drink.  If you have a fun event, no one will even miss the alcohol.  Even the heavy drinkers in our family were on the dance floor having a great time - and those are the people who say "you won't see me dance unless I'm drunk!"

    On the flip side, H's cousin got married 8 months after us.  The beer was flowing freely.  When we left everyone was completely wasted.  We found out later that one of their friends did close to $10k damage to the property where they were married because he decided to do cookies on the front lawn and ran into an outbuilding.  The police were also called because the party got too out of control.  So yeah, I think we made the right choice!
  • edited December 2011
    I agree with those who say let them find out at the reception. Alcohol is not like food or a communion service for those who fast before receiving communion. You don't need to know beforehand if you're going to be served alcohol (or not). Anyone who complains after the wedding about the lack of alcohol will sound like a jerk. "You didn't give me exactly what I wanted to drink." "Your wedding was dull because I was sober." Whereas there are quasi-arguments in favor of alcohol if it's before the wedding and seemingly up for debate.

    We'll serve alcohol, but I'm hoping to avoid having any myself. Sometimes I can have 3 drinks and be fine the next morning. Sometimes I can have half a glass of wine and get an awful headache. I don't want to risk it, as we're flying across a continent and an ocean the day after our wedding.
  • mattycammattycam member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree as well that noone needs to know anything on the STD or official invites and anyone who already knows that it is going to be a non alcoholic reception and have a problem with that can simply decline. I find it ridiculous that a potential guest that didn't have to be invited is going to criticize someone else's wedding. Usually, people don't know what's being served until the day so I don't think you need to prepare your guests for what's to come.
  • edited December 2011
    We only had a champange toast.  But we didn't tell anyone that there wasn't going to be a bar, b/c it wasn't their buisness and they weren't paying for it. Hubby's side likes wine but  our venue would not let us serve red wine or anything dark anyways.  No one needs to know on the STD anything about the menu or details except maybe the dress code.
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  • azdancer8azdancer8 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There is no need to mention anywhere that it is a dry wedding. Just be sure you have a good selection of beverages available.

    FWIW, our wedding was dry, there was no announcement saying such, and no one had any issues.
  • iamjoesgurliamjoesgurl member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I agree with everyone that you shouldn't feel that you need to announce it but if you feel like you should, I like Drama's suggestion.  In the end, if people want to know, I think they can communicate it through word of mouth.  I'm sorry that this is becoming a big deal for you and your FI to deal with.  I just don't understand why people would make it such a big deal.
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  • faith415faith415 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    We're having a dry wedding, but didn't announce it in any way. Nor are we planning to. We have gotten a lot of comments, especially with our New Years Eve wedding. One thing that we ended up doing was having our reception at a public park. It's required that you hire an officer to be in attendance the entire time that alcohol is served. It was an easy excuse for us to tell people who didn't agree with our religious reasonings and/or tried to talk us out of them.

    People will ALWAYS find something to complain about. When people ask, tell them it's a dry wedding and stand firm in your decision. However, I urge you to not announce it ahead of time. You will only open yourself up to more complaints and opinions. Good Luck! I know how stressful it can be.
  • naomikbnaomikb member
    Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:6abfc9c4-ea97-430b-bde6-8852c62c6ef6">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]You may never get them to understand.  Just be firm in your stance.  When people make comments, respond with something like, "thank you for your opinion.  So, what are you doing this weekend?" We did have a dry wedding, but if anyone complained it wasn't to us. Oh, and by "officially announced," do you mean you're putting something on the STDs about it being dry?  Please don't do that.  There's no need to advertise it.  Just have plenty of good beverages and let people deal.
    Posted by DramaGeek[/QUOTE]
    I agree with all of this.

    Don't make a big deal of it or advertise it, and have a good variety of non-alcoholic cold and hot drinks with and without caffeine.
  • mrandmrsbristmrandmrsbrist member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Looks like you've gotten a ton of great advice and I'll echo with and agree with the fact that you shouldn't advertise or try to get them to understand where you're coming from.

    We had a dry reception. My parents were unhappy about it, but when we explained that we were having a mid-morning wedding and a early afternoon to mid-afternoon reception, they realized there wasn't really a need for alcohol. No one missed it either.
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  • edited December 2011
    We had an evening wedding with a full buffet dinner and a DJ for dancing.  Alcohol was not served, and NO ONE was told.  There was no wedding website at all, there were no STDs at all, there was no mention of it on the invitations, etc.  We just served what we served and people didn't even notice.  We still had fun.  Honestly, I'm not sure why it's such a big deal.
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  • krizzo17krizzo17 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    edited December 2011
    I'm having an open bar because my family and I like to drink, particularly at social events. I would not be upset in the least if I was invited to a dry wedding. I also wouldn't expect to be warned ahead of time (unless it was at a brewery or something, lol). You wouldn't tell everyone "steak served" on the Save the Dates, no need to put "dry reception" on it.
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  • edited December 2011
    we are having limited amounts of alcohol....we both drink so think it would be kind of wierd to have a dry wedding and force everyone to not drink on a day of celebration...but we dont want it to get out of control...so we are putting 1 (possibly 2 if budget allows) bottle of wine on each table, reminding people that it is for toasting, and then when its gone, its gone and thats the end of the alchohol. We won't be telling anyone this befor hand, although, we wont not tell people this if they specifically ask.

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:1941dbeb-ca06-4183-8b46-b3031811ce44">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]we are having limited amounts of alcohol....we both drink so think it would be kind of wierd to have a dry wedding and<strong> force everyone to not drink on a day of celebration</strong>...but we dont want it to get out of control...so we are putting 1 (possibly 2 if budget allows) bottle of wine on each table, reminding people that it is for toasting, and then when its gone, its gone and thats the end of the alchohol. We won't be telling anyone this befor hand, although, we wont not tell people this if they specifically ask.
    Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]
    That comes off as a bit condescending to me.  I didn't force anyone to do or not do anything at my wedding, and it was still a celebration.
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  • edited December 2011
    wine was part of celebrating in the bible, i see no reason not to use it, if you want to have a dry wedding thats to you, but saying that my views on it are condecending...makes you sound a little judgemental tbh. I was just stating what we are doing and why. glad to know the christian board is friendly right ;)

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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:29de6d59-bc20-464f-b6b9-b2e229ecc253">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]wine was part of celebrating in the bible, i see no reason not to use it, if you want to have a dry wedding thats to you, but saying that my views on it are condecending...makes you sound a little judgemental tbh. I was just stating what we are doing and why. glad to know the christian board is friendly right ;)
    Posted by toothpastechica[/QUOTE]
    What's condescending is the implication that the absence of alcohol is the only reason that people would not drink it at a celebratory event.  As if it's not a true celebration until you've assaulted your liver with a sufficient amount of ethanol.

    I am a perfectly friendly person, but I don't appreciate the implication that I forced anyone to do anything, or that my wedding was less than a celebration because we didn't provide wine for toasting, a tradition that we skipped entirely because we didn't want our guests to have to sit through another rote tradition before we opened the dance floor.
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  • edited December 2011
    Whoa girls! Down! 

    Sessions, I don't think that was at all directed at you. Nor was the sentance indicating you didn't fully celebrate your marriage. Different people celebrate differently

    Alcohol at the wedding really comes down to culture and who will be at your wedding. My family doesn't drink, and FI's parties hard. We're having a cash bar and letting people make the decision. I don't really see this as an issue worth getting hot about... 

    OP, you don't need to tell people. If you're going to, use the website. It'd look weird anywhere else. Maybe you could provide some sparkling ciders for toasting? 

    Bottom line, you have no one to answer to. It is your wedding and it really doesn't matter if other people understand. It's your wedding. Do what you want! 
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/cultural-wedding-boards_christian-weddings_having-dry-wedding-already-getting-complaints?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Cultural Wedding BoardsForum:464687ae-7bc1-4360-9aea-999e11f1e1adDiscussion:6c87beff-76a0-4c6d-adc0-32fbc8c86107Post:9bd8920f-1287-4912-bb27-75b5a77262e9">Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Having a dry wedding and already getting complaints : <strong>What's condescending is the implication that the absence of alcohol is the only reason that people would not drink it at a celebratory event</strong>.  As if it's not a true celebration until you've assaulted your liver with a sufficient amount of ethanol. I am a perfectly friendly person, but I don't appreciate the implication that I forced anyone to do anything, or that my wedding was less than a celebration because we didn't provide wine for toasting, a tradition that we skipped entirely because we didn't want our guests to have to sit through another rote tradition before we opened the dance floor.
    Posted by sessionswedding[/QUOTE]

    its the only reason why people would not drink at <strong>MY</strong> wedding....get over it. If you read the whole orginal post and not just the lines you want to take out of context...i clearly stated that <strong>Me and My FI both drink</strong> and <strong><u>THAT</u></strong> is the reason we think it would be wierd to not have it....not because i think everyone needs to have it...or need to not have it...i thought that was pretty clear. If it wasn't im sorry, but i really dont understand why im being jumped on for this. Now if you to talk about being condescending...you are now saying everyone is MAKING thier guests sit through speeches???

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