Inviting your church family

jacki_sue

Hi, ladies.

How are you all handing invitations with your church family?

Obviously, since FI and I are paying for this splendid affair almost entirely on our own, we can't afford to have everyone from church attend.  It's a really sticky situation because we're both leaders in the church, it's not like we can just hide in the shadows.

I know most will understand, but I still feel awkward when some folks ask me about it.

Where are you drawing the line with inviting your church peeps?
J

FutureMrsRyan

we're inviting our closest friends & church family.  Some people have been more influential than others and thats why they were invited.  hopefully they understand...

sweetpea0911

We're not inviting anyone but the pastor(s) of the church and their families.  It seems cruel, and we're both rather upset about it, but we can't afford to invite everyone we want there (three-four churches to fit! [one each from home and then one each from school, as we worship different places/live in different hometowns])...we came up with 150 of church people alone!

We will be hosting a fellowship hour in both of my churches, and I think we're hosting a party for his churches to celebrate our marriage and celebrate with everyone that way.  We'll have all of our photos there, and if we decide to have a video done, we'll have that as well.

Jeffie86

Our church is small, so I was a little concerned about it, but then I saw that my parents just went through their church directory and chose who they were close with and wanted to share the day with, so I did the same.  Really, in my church, there are people we are pretty close to and people we really don't talk with that much, so I doubt they will be upset they aren't invited.

fpaemp2011

I don't know what your ceremony site will hold in relation to your guest list, but a lot of couples in our church choose to open the ceremony to anyone who wants to come, with the understanding that the reception is private.  They usually have an insert or announcement in the bulletin for a few weeks prior to the wedding.  We're not having the ceremony at my church, because I really wanted a center aisle, but if we had chosen to have it there, we would have done the same thing. 

btw...I'm not sure if "had chosen" is correct, but I've been up all night writing a paper, so my brain is just a tad fried.

jrpetrik

We're inviting everyone from my home church, though since my wedding will be at school only my pastor's family and maybe a couple of others will actually come down (I know of one other family for sure). We're also inviting everyone from my church here at school.

My fiance, on the other hand, opted to invite only his elders' families and the families that he knows best from his church here at school since it's larger than both of my churches combined (and then some!), so that's how he ended up deciding.

iamjoesgurl

I'm a pastor's kid so I have church family from different churches that I grew up in plus my current church family.  But we had a small venue and couldn't invite many people.  We invited just the people who we were close to.  Our wedding was kind of a DW so my current church family would have had to travel about 8-9 hours to get to the wedding.  I invited just three couples from my current church and one couple from a former church.  My current church threw a reception type party in our church hall after the wedding and I made a video of our wedding pictures to play in the background while people mingled.

I'm torn about the idea of inviting people to ceremony only.  It would be nice for them to see you get married, but it is also like saying "sorry - you weren't important enough to come to the after party".  If it is not common practice in your area, I wouldn't recommend it.

felkels

My wedding is just up the street from my church (I wanted a center aisle and my church does not have one)  We can have 120 total in the chapel, and that is filled pretty much before we get anywhere near church family.  We are inviting pastors and worship leader and their families.  We are also inviting a few elders that have had quite an influence on our lives.  Our photographer will actually compile all of our photos into a video slide show, and we are going to show that at what I am calling the "after party"  We will be using the church for a BBQ, and time of fellowship.  I will probably be wearing my dress again, and we will show the pictures from out wedding.  Several people in the church are giving us a hard time about choosing a smaller venu that costs more...but they are mostly joking.  For the most part, they understand that family and lifelong friends have to come first, and that they will get to celebrate with us later.  Most of them are happy that they will have the opportunity to celebrate, and are not upset that they will not be attending the ceremony.

ally117

 Well, since you and your fiance are paying for your wedding, only invite the number you can afford to have.  My mom has been the music director at our church for over 20 years, so MANY people feel like they know me and should be a part of our wedding.  I went through the list of people and invited people my mom wanted to be there...  Even though we included many of our church families, both of my sisters were approached by people inquiring about invites before their weddings last year.  They just responded with something like, "While we would love to have everyone be a part of our special day, money is a little tight, and we just couldn't invite everyone."  Everyone reacted graciously, and no one was hurt.  I would just choose those people who have impacted your lives and then truthfully respond to anyone who asks for an invitation.  Good luck!

[Deleted User]

we are also paying for our wedding primarily on our own and struggled with who to invite from church.  our total list (family, friends, work & church) started off around 315 and we shaved roughly 100 people off.  the church holds about 225 and we decided we can only afford to feed 200 people at our reception...so as a result we implemented some rules:
1. no kids
2. + guest only if married or in a long term relationship
3. there are some people who, as an awful and poor etiquette as it is, will only be invited to the ceremony and not the reception (which is 30 min away). 

our major problem is we both work with the teens at church and just cannot afford to pay for them to come to the reception.  somebody suggested we throw a party after the honeymoon...get all dressed up again, get a cake and throw on some music and do a party with the teens then.

FutureMrsMcDaniel

We go to a very small church.  There are about 100 active members.  We are not, however, inviting everyone.  My mother and I sat down with a church directory and noted the people we wanted to invite.  Some people got left off because we don't really know them.  There are also a few families with young children that got left off because we know regardless of whether we stated that we would be having an adults only ceremony/reception, they would still bring the kids.  And these are children who run around the sanctuary during the sermon, hoot and holler, and the parents do nothing.  So Mom decided that they were not invited.  I can't argue, since she and Dad are paying.

We are also asking the pastor that details of when and where not be included in the monthly newsletter, because some may take the announcement as an open invitation. 

It can be a sticky situation if you have a church family, but we're all adults.  If an uninvited church member asked about the wedding, I would be honest and say we are only inviting family and close friends from the church and that we're sorry we can't include everyone.